Pace Pete, for he does understand the issues, but he and others are approaching the whole Brexit issue as technocrats—in, essentially, the same mentality that characterises the EU itself.
I say "fuck this shit". I want this done—and done now. So, here's how we should address this issue...
"Fuck you, ladies and gentlemen of the EU: fuck you very much. We are tired of you dicking us around, and our patience is at an end.
"Yes: we understand the trade problems inherent in customs barriers: but, unless you are stupider than we thought, so do you—and so do your businesses.
"You may not understand the pressures of a democracy, but the Council of Ministers very much does: so we recommend that you ask them how they—and their citizens—feel about cutting off trade with the fifth largest economy in the world.
"Either you will listen, which is fine by us; or you will not listen, which will simply justify our own citizens' decision to leave an undemocratic institution.
"The UK is the first and best democratic government in the world, and our people are irritated by your prevarications, and tired of our failure to enact the path that they voted for.
"With this in mind, we are immediately ending this shambolic pretence at a 'negotiation'. Instead, we will refocus our time and resources on building the systems that we will need to continue trade.
"So, we will immediately sign free trade deals with any countries that want to engage with the UK: what are you going to do—go to war with us? Really? The only vaguely capable military power in the EU is German—and how do you think the world will react to yet another German army mustering outside its borders?
"Yes: that's what I thought. Now get back in your fucking box, you twats.
"Our trade philosophy is simple. Today, we will register a '0% tariff' trade plan with the WTO. Why, when the British people want to buy foreign imports, would we make them poorer? We're not idiots, you know.
"Next, we will examine all of the standards espoused by UNESCO, etc. and, if we agree, adopt them. And we shall once again take our place (and our own votes) at these tables, to influence regulation.
"We shall use our foreign aid budget to influence these standards in our favour. Most importantly, we shall spend considerable amounts of money and influence to ensure that Developing Countries have the governance and infrastructure also to comply—and then we shall do our best to open their trade to our products. With the main point that, with this power, we shall become favoured trading partners with these hugely populous countries.
"But you ladies and gentlemen of the EU need to understand one very crucial thing: we are doing this as of tomorrow.
"Fuck these negotiations: and fuck you all up the arse. The people of the UK voted to leave behind your undemocratic, technocratic bullshit—these farcical negotiations are simply prolonging your entirely unjustified power over the people of this country.
"So, let me say it again, fuck you into the middle of next week. We're done here.
"We leave it to you to go back to the peoples and businesses of your countries and tell them that you fucked up the negotiations with the fifth largest economy in the world. We leave it to you to tell them why there is now a massive customs barrier to their goods coming to the UK.
"Good luck with that.
"The people of the UK have tolerated your bullshit for six months and, let's face it, they are as fucking bored with it as we are.
"So, get tæ fuck, you cunts: you aren't even worthy of being called 'snake-oil salesmen'.
"Fuck you: we've left, as of this moment. So, once more, get tæ fuck—we're done here."