From the Department of the Bleeding Obvious comes a "news story" of truly stupefying banality:
English turn to booze on holiday
And in other news, the Pope kisses runways and wears a silly hat.
English holidaymakers are turning to drink on their breaks with the average adult consuming eight alcoholic drinks a day, a survey suggests.
Good for them. Let's hope they enjoy their holiday and that, just for a few days, they can forget about the hideous scheming puritans who were waiting for them back home.
The Know Your Limits campaign survey found that on an average day on holiday, beer drinkers drank five pints, wine drinkers had four glasses of wine, and those who prefer spirits had five mixer drinks, such as vodka and coke.
So not an average of eight drinks a day, then? Or did you mean 8 units a day? Come on Beeb, if you're going to rewrite press releases, at least try to use some coherent figures.
And who or what is the Know Your Limits campaign and why are they spunking money away on this pitiful garbage?
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Know Your Limits alcohol campaign launched by government
Quel surprise. 'Tis our very own Department of Health and the money being spunked away is our own. How lucky we are, as a nation, that there is nothing more pressing for public money to be spent on. Remind me, how is that cure for cancer going?
But 70% of the 3,500 adults questioned by the Department of Health said they plan to make September the "new January" by cutting back.
Did they actually say they planned to make September "the new January" or is this some inane phrase that the DoH is desperately trying to crow-bar into common usage?
But most people plan to curb their drinking over the next month.
That is self-evident. If people drink more whilst on holiday, they will - by definition - drink less when they are not on holiday. Not quite the concerted drive towards temperance that this article might lead you to believe.
Public health minister Gillian Merron said it was all too easy to slip into the habit of drinking too much on holiday.
"And it's always hard to get back into a normal routine."
What utter rubbish. All it takes is the ability to tell the difference between being at a pool-side bar in Tenerife and being in an office in Basingstoke. And that is something us little people are quite capable of doing, thanks.
"But we should try to use September as the new January and make a pledge to be a little more healthy."
Oh, piss off you stupid woman and take your "new January" with you. Who is this bitch anyway? I thought chirpy scouser Andy Burnham was the minister for Health. Do we really need a minister for public health as well? Time to swing the axe at the DoH, I reckon.
Don Shenker, chief executive of Alcohol Concern, said it was great news that many people were considering more moderate drinking following some overindulgence.
Ah, the ubiquitous Don Shenker. If only this bastard would take a holiday. It's "great news", is it Don? Great news that we manage to get out of the habit of drinking Sex on the Beach and staying up dancing all night once we get back to Britain? What a contemptuous, patronising little man you are. I can only think of one person I hate more than you...
Professor Ian Gilmore, president of the Royal College of Physicians and chair of the UK Alcohol Health Alliance...
Speak of the Devil.
...called the figures "stark" and were a reminder that people need to keep an eye on how much they are drinking.
"Stark"?! What's stark about them? Seriously, what the buggery-fuck are these people talking about? This is not a news story. This is not even a foot-note to a news story. Why is the BBC even covering this bollocks?
"When people are asked how much they drink, we know that they think of an ordinary week rather than one that includes a holiday or other special occasion."
What do you expect?!!! What, Gilmore, would you prefer them to do? Base their average week's drinking on the heaviest drinking week of the year? Hell's teeth, man, what are you gibbering about?
This is the non-story of the year and will, of course, be met with scornful mirth by any right-thinking person. But there is a serious point. Aside from the scandal of even one penny of taxpayers' money being spent on this bullshit, it is yet another example of the "issue" of alcohol being kept in the public eye in the most spurious way.
I mentioned recently how an assortment of fake charities and government departments have spent the summer pumping out nonsensical and meaningless press releases which the lazy media, and the Bolshevik Butt-fucking Corporation in particular, have been happy to regurgitate.
This is not a coincidence, this is a co-ordinated effort which, I suspect, will come to a head when MPs return to Parliament in October. At every turn there is Don Shenker, Ian bastard Gilmore and all the rest of the tax-it, ban-it, cover-it-up brigade. There is definitely something afoot.