Well, yes, but his response to the crisis is to utter yet more weasel words about the fucking "system".
"(It is) another bad day for Parliament and, frankly, a bad day for the Conservative Party. We have to acknowledge just how bad this is. The public are really angry and we have to start by saying, look, this system that we had, that we used, that we operated, that we took part in—it was wrong and we're sorry about it."
Shut your face, you little shit. Look, we know that you are not a libertarian, but I am and I believe that people can decide for themselves what is right and what is wrong.
The system says that you can imprison someone for 42 days without charge—is that right? Not according to you.
The system says that you can issue ID Cards to every person in the country—is that right? Not according to you.
Do you see, Dave: the system is not the thing to blame—it is the individual venality of your individual MPs. Look we expect this shit of Labour, bunch of collectivist arseholes that they are, but you Tories are supposed to believe in the power of the individual to make the right choice.
What the fuck are you going to do now: lecture at us from your fucking gilded pulpit about how "ordinary people need to make responsible choices"? Why the fuck should they? Your fucking MPs couldn't be arsed to distinguish between right and wrong—why the fuck should anyone else bother?
That is the real point: we don't expect any better of socialists, but the actions of your MPs have undermined the entire Conservative principle of personal responsibility—they have fucked your entire philosophy, you slap-headed moron.
The Daily Mash has MPs' response pretty much nailed—that site is out-Devilling your humble Devil: in fact, it's no longer satire but serious comment.
THE system of parliamentary expenses is a corrupt, scum-sucking, piece-of-shit, bastarding thief, MPs insisted last night.
Members from all parties said the rules were a grubby, disgusting little scat-muncher and pledged a wide-ranging inquiry into how the system was somehow able to vote itself into existence in the first place.
As Labour proposed an independent audit committee in its latest deliberate attempt to miss the fucking point, MPs spoke openly about how they had been abused repeatedly by the expenses system.
Roy Hobbs, from Oldham, said: "I'd like to buy one of those four-slot Dualit toasters from John Lewis and spank him across the face with it so hard that I break both my wrists."
And Tom Logan, from Salford, added: "If you know that it's wrong now, then surely you knew it was wrong when you were spending my money doing up houses you bought with my money and then dodging capital gains tax even though you'd still have made a tidy profit and would, at least, have been able to return some of my money. You nauseatingly rancid lump of pox-ridden, cock-sucking pigshit."
The whole lot of you are ridden with corruption, Dave—all of you. You miserable, cock-sucking sacks of shit. Your MPs have exposed themselves as being as morally bankrupt as NuLabour—quite an achievement—and as morally compromised as the Speaker.
But, as I said above, it is because you and your party espouse an ideal of personal responsibility—and your MPs have have screwed that. Your MPs have, privatim et seriatim, taken the idea of personal responsibility and pissed all over it. Yes, and they have shat in its mouth too.
As my Nameless Libertarian colleague says...
But all the apologies, all the platitudes are completely fucking meaningless. The MPs aren't sorrow for this shameful scandal; they are sorry that they got caught. Had this not all come out, you can bet your last penny (which the taxman is probably eyeing up to pay for an MP's leaky tennis court somewhere) then the MPs would still be at their trough, gorging at your expense. The system is endemically corrupt; those in power are there simply to line their pockets. Damn right the public is angry - we should be at the gates of Parliament, screaming for mass resignations from the little piggies inside.
And yet we aren't—not yet—because we are decent people and not nearly as rapacious as your Inland Revenue. But you fuckers must know that you are finished: your day at the trough is ended and, I sincerely hope, your careers too.
We have been given a glimpse into how a Tory administration would conduct itself—and it is with as little grace and honour as your predecessors.
You stupid, stupid cunts.