Oh God, here we go again...
Shoppers buying alcohol at the supermarket face a 'walk of shame' to a dedicated checkout counter. The plan is being drawn up by ministers to curb Britain's growing binge-drinking culture.
What the fuck? Has nobody told these Labour arseholes that they will have to fight an election in the next eighteen months? They're not even trying anymore, are they? They actually want us to kick them out. How else can you explain their relentless, daily campaign to find more and more people to piss off until they've alienated every single man, woman and child in the country?
Stores would have to create the 'alcohol-only' areas manned by specially-trained staff.
Labour's new policy on alcohol: express checkout for drinkers. Now that's more like it. Except that is not the intention...
This would hopefully deter shoppers from making excessive purchases by putting them under the scrutiny of fellow customers.
I beg your pardon?! Putting them under the scrutiny of fellow customers? Is this some sort of fucking joke? Why stop there? Let's make them grovel at the counter. Let's get some badges made up for them to wear. Let's invite children to hurl abuse and vegetables at them as they leave the shop. For fuck's sake.
Leading stores have been attacked for selling lager at a cheaper price than bottled water.
And don't the newspapers love that little factoid? Look, a tub of lard is cheaper than a pound of potatoes. A kitchen knife is cheaper than a packet of cigarettes. Who gives a shit? They're completely different products. It is not an either/or choice.
The only scandal about the relative prices of low quality lager and bottled water is that there are enough fashion victims and hypochondriacs prepared to spend two pounds on a bottle of something that comes out of a tap for less than a penny. If the supermarkets want to fleece these dickheads then good luck to them.
A senior Government source told the Daily Mail that ministers were convinced the easy availability of cut-price alcohol is causing young people, in particular, to drink to excess. 'Having separate areas to sell alcohol will help us tackle this growing problem of young people getting tanked up on cheap supermarket beers and lagers,' said the source.
How? Fucking HOW? Oh Christ, I grow so weary of you cunts. I am so fucking tired of listening to your stupid crap. You have all the laws you need to tackle underage drinking and plenty more besides. You do not need "specially-trained staff" to ask customers to show ID, a fucking chimp could do it.
You do not need special lanes, more taxes, more powers or any of the other fascist policies that you insufferable bastards keep bringing in as you pile law upon law. If, as we are told, there are pissed up teenagers causing mayhem all over the place then get your army of coppers to get out there to round the little twats up, confiscate their cider or whatever the fuck it is they drink these days, caution them, take them home and give their parents a bollocking.
And if some Chief Constable complains about having to do his job for a change then sack the fucker and make an example of him.
Effectively, it would bring alcohol sales into line with tobacco sales in supermarkets.
So the campaign against smoking was just a rehearsal for a crusade against other sections of society? Who would have predicted that?
The draft code of practice drawn up by the Home Office and the Department of Health also proposes cigarette-style health warnings about the dangers of alcohol for display in shops, bars and restaurants.
Are we getting the hang of this yet, nonsmokers? It doesn't matter whether you're a drinker, a motorist, a gambler, a sunbed user, a frequent flyer or a bit of a porker, sooner or later everything you approve of in the war against smokers will be used against you.
The move would bring Britain into line with countries such as Sweden, Norway and Finland, which have varying restrictions on alcohol sales and in some areas, only allow it to be sold at state-owned outlets.
Or to put it another way, it will bring us out of line with every country in Europe with the exception of three grim socialist hell-holes in Scandinavia where there is fuck all else to do except drink heavily, watch animal pornography and commit suicide.
Families doing a weekly shop would have to queue twice, once to purchase their groceries and again to purchase wine, beer and spirits.
Fuck you. Who do you think you are? What right do you have to waste a single second of my time with your nonsense?
Retailers are likely to be infuriated by the suggestion of dedicated check-out areas. They will argue that it would cost tens of thousands of pounds in store refits and staff training, and would also inconvenience customers.
But who cares, eh? They're only evil capitalists, they can take it. Their profits just fall out of the sky, don't they? It's not like these costs will be passed onto their customers.
And the effect of these costs on the supermarkets will be nothing compared to the effect on smaller, independent stores when - as is inevitable - the law is rolled out to include all shops. At which point the supermarkets will suddenly get behind the government and watch their local competition go bust.
Of course those champions of the free market in the Tory party are no better:
Earlier this month, Conservative MP Nigel Evans tabled an early day motion demanding that the government look at supermarkets' alcohol pricing policy after the disclosure that Asda had been selling four-packs of Skol for 90p, nearly half the price of a four-pack of Evian.
Sod the lot of them. If anybody should be doing the walk of shame it's this gaggle of cunts. The Tories can get in line to kiss my rosy red arse alongside Labour, LibDems, quack doctors, so-called health campaigners, Alcohol fucking Concern, lazy coppers and every other authoritarian wanker who wants to waste my time and fuck with my life.