Thursday, October 23, 2008

The walk of shame

(nb. I am not The Devil)

Oh God, here we go again...

Shoppers buying alcohol at the supermarket face a 'walk of shame' to a dedicated checkout counter. The plan is being drawn up by ministers to curb Britain's growing binge-drinking culture.

What the fuck? Has nobody told these Labour arseholes that they will have to fight an election in the next eighteen months? They're not even trying anymore, are they? They actually want us to kick them out. How else can you explain their relentless, daily campaign to find more and more people to piss off until they've alienated every single man, woman and child in the country?

Stores would have to create the 'alcohol-only' areas manned by specially-trained staff.

Labour's new policy on alcohol: express checkout for drinkers. Now that's more like it. Except that is not the intention...

This would hopefully deter shoppers from making excessive purchases by putting them under the scrutiny of fellow customers.

I beg your pardon?! Putting them under the scrutiny of fellow customers? Is this some sort of fucking joke? Why stop there? Let's make them grovel at the counter. Let's get some badges made up for them to wear. Let's invite children to hurl abuse and vegetables at them as they leave the shop. For fuck's sake.

Leading stores have been attacked for selling lager at a cheaper price than bottled water.

And don't the newspapers love that little factoid? Look, a tub of lard is cheaper than a pound of potatoes. A kitchen knife is cheaper than a packet of cigarettes. Who gives a shit? They're completely different products. It is not an either/or choice.

The only scandal about the relative prices of low quality lager and bottled water is that there are enough fashion victims and hypochondriacs prepared to spend two pounds on a bottle of something that comes out of a tap for less than a penny. If the supermarkets want to fleece these dickheads then good luck to them.

A senior Government source told the Daily Mail that ministers were convinced the easy availability of cut-price alcohol is causing young people, in particular, to drink to excess. 'Having separate areas to sell alcohol will help us tackle this growing problem of young people getting tanked up on cheap supermarket beers and lagers,' said the source.

How? Fucking HOW? Oh Christ, I grow so weary of you cunts. I am so fucking tired of listening to your stupid crap. You have all the laws you need to tackle underage drinking and plenty more besides. You do not need "specially-trained staff" to ask customers to show ID, a fucking chimp could do it.

You do not need special lanes, more taxes, more powers or any of the other fascist policies that you insufferable bastards keep bringing in as you pile law upon law. If, as we are told, there are pissed up teenagers causing mayhem all over the place then get your army of coppers to get out there to round the little twats up, confiscate their cider or whatever the fuck it is they drink these days, caution them, take them home and give their parents a bollocking.

And if some Chief Constable complains about having to do his job for a change then sack the fucker and make an example of him.

Effectively, it would bring alcohol sales into line with tobacco sales in supermarkets.

So the campaign against smoking was just a rehearsal for a crusade against other sections of society? Who would have predicted that?

The draft code of practice drawn up by the Home Office and the Department of Health also proposes cigarette-style health warnings about the dangers of alcohol for display in shops, bars and restaurants.

Are we getting the hang of this yet, nonsmokers? It doesn't matter whether you're a drinker, a motorist, a gambler, a sunbed user, a frequent flyer or a bit of a porker, sooner or later everything you approve of in the war against smokers will be used against you.

The move would bring Britain into line with countries such as Sweden, Norway and Finland, which have varying restrictions on alcohol sales and in some areas, only allow it to be sold at state-owned outlets.

Or to put it another way, it will bring us out of line with every country in Europe with the exception of three grim socialist hell-holes in Scandinavia where there is fuck all else to do except drink heavily, watch animal pornography and commit suicide.

Families doing a weekly shop would have to queue twice, once to purchase their groceries and again to purchase wine, beer and spirits.

Fuck you. Who do you think you are? What right do you have to waste a single second of my time with your nonsense?

Retailers are likely to be infuriated by the suggestion of dedicated check-out areas. They will argue that it would cost tens of thousands of pounds in store refits and staff training, and would also inconvenience customers.

But who cares, eh? They're only evil capitalists, they can take it. Their profits just fall out of the sky, don't they? It's not like these costs will be passed onto their customers.

And the effect of these costs on the supermarkets will be nothing compared to the effect on smaller, independent stores when - as is inevitable - the law is rolled out to include all shops. At which point the supermarkets will suddenly get behind the government and watch their local competition go bust.

Of course those champions of the free market in
the Tory party are no better:

Earlier this month, Conservative MP Nigel Evans tabled an early day motion demanding that the government look at supermarkets' alcohol pricing policy after the disclosure that Asda had been selling four-packs of Skol for 90p, nearly half the price of a four-pack of Evian.

Sod the lot of them. If anybody should be doing the walk of shame it's this gaggle of cunts. The Tories can get in line to kiss my rosy red arse alongside Labour, LibDems, quack doctors, so-called health campaigners, Alcohol fucking Concern, lazy coppers and every other authoritarian wanker who wants to waste my time and fuck with my life.


Anonymous said...

Does this mean Tesco will have to deliver my booze to my house in a different lorry?

Will this lorry be marked "evil booze drinking scum"?

Does the poor sod packing it for me have to do it "under the scrutiny of fellow employees"?

Anonymous said...

This seemed somewhat familiar and googled "Passive drinking" Seems the EU were interested in Demonising alchohol about 2 years ago.

Maybe they simply waited for the story to die before proceeding.

Anonymous said...

Our plan is working.

Pork is next.

Then compulsory friday prayers...

Anonymous said...

Of course this won't affect MPs as they enjoy considerable booze reserves at considerable taxpayer expense without the inglorious drudgery of merely 'buying' it.

Impinge their freedom? Never!

This is puritanism for everyone except them.

Most people really don't see the 'shame' in buying alcohol. They don't even see the shame in getting legless and puking in the street.

Anonymous said...

"three grim socialist hell-holes in Scandinavia where there is fuck all else to do except drink heavily, watch animal pornography and commit suicide."

Oh, that is beautiful.

This man deserves a public subscription. Now.

Anonymous said...

and whats not pointed out , is that scandinavia has sky high levels of alcholic abuse.


because folks are drinking illegal moonshine...

law of unintended consequences and all that.

Ron Combo said...

Brilliant post. It should be compulsory reading for all those hypocrites in Westminster. And especially that humourless cow Harman.

Anonymous said...


C'est vrai. And not so long ago, maybe even still, Finns used to take Saturday cruises to St Petersburg for elephantine benders, simply because the booze was affordable.

A JCB-like vehicle would then comb the streets at about 3.00 am, scoop them up from the pavements and decant them into the nearest drunk tank before the comatose fuckaz froze to death.

Anonymous said...

Superbly crafted. Spotty has beaten me to it in the appreciation of your definition of Scandinavia. Reference your last paragraph - can anyone still believe that these cunts are part of the problem, and not the solution ?

Anonymous said...

Re Scandinavia, all they have is a different mode of binge drinking. They spend large part of evening at home getting pissed on homebrew; go out for a short while for one drink and meet & greet; then re-disperse back home or to friends for rest of evening until homebrew runs out or everyone falls over.

Anonymous said...

The filthy smoker said: "there are enough fashion victims and hypochondriacs prepared to spend two pounds on a bottle of something that comes out of a tap for less than a penny"

Actually tap water has a high chlorine content. The self same government aparatchiks want to add sodium fluoride (a poisonous industrial by-product) as well. Moreover at least one water co fed another chemical into the supply for two weeks every year to reduce growths like algae in the pipework - said chemical killed fish in display fishtanks.

Tap water is not the same as bottled at source mineral water.

Thatcher's Child said...

Tap water is not the same as bottled at source mineral water.

Just like cheap shit lager is not the same as the Pils I drink at £4 a bottle.

I just hope drinkers are smarter than smokers and can see where this is heading.
Driving a 4x4 without a passenger sounds like a plan, as does smoking in public view of a child, as does eating fat based products without a licence as does walking under the influence of alcohol!

Remember, Labour nationalising the banks was a joke in 1976!

Furry Conservative said...

Perhaps everyone who buys drink at the supermarket could have the word 'paedo' tattooed on their forehead?

Anonymous said...

Brilliant, next time I'm popping out to grab a bottle or a six pack I can skip the queues and go straight to the express checkout!

It's starting to get laughable at how monumentally out of touch these fuckers really are.

What's depressing though are the average punters in the street who believe this is actually a good idea and going to make a difference.

The Filthy Smoker said...


The dose makes the poison. Every substance in the universe is deadly if taken in sufficient quantities but, conversely, everything has a safe level. Levels of chlorine and fluoride in tap water fall well short of a toxic dose and are completely safe. If you really think bottled water tastes better then go ahead and drink it, but don't do so because you think that tap water is in any way dangerous.

I recall (in the late 1980s?) a scare about Perrier having benzene in it. It did and it does, but in trace amounts that pose no risk to the human organism.

Of course, the wingnuts are after you bottled water drinkers as well...

Bottled water 'is immoral'

Drinking bottled water should be made as unfashionable as smoking, according to a government adviser.

"We have to make people think that it's unfashionable just as we have with smoking. We need a similar campaign to convince people that this is wrong," said Tim Lang, the Government's natural resources commissioner.

Anonymous said...

budgie said,

"Actually tap water has a high chlorine content."

High relative to what?

The small amounts of chlorine counteract the danger (and it is a real danger) of waterborne diseases returning to the UK. Diseases once so prevalent that people were safer drinking booze. Besides which chlorine is required by the body. Without it we would be dead. It is a constituent part of stomach acid for a start.

This what HMG are doing I think;

1. It is for your own good therefore it is right. Only the binge drinking alcoholics would be up in arms. Of course...

2. We can make your life a hassle.(Both shoppers and shop owners.)

Yes, even you middle class alcohol abusers that consume gallons, sorry litres of wine, in excess of invented medical guidelines, in the dangerous surroundings of your own homes and then go on a crazy rampage of shuffling off to bed rather than slash someone's face.

Then there are the supermarkets. HMG may be trying to bounce the supermarkets into raising prices rather than put taxes up. 'That's a nice licence to sell alcohol you've got there Lord Sainsbury. It'd be a shame if something happened to it.'

I wonder if the problems of binge drinking would subside somewhat if benefits were paid in vouchers that could not be redeemed for alcohol...

All this nannying would be for nought though. There is no shame in buying alcohol, and why should there be? It is the age old solution looking for a problem.

Time was when politicians could come up with more than one idea at a time. They would debate. There would be debate in the media. There would be debate in society and there would be debate in the two Houses of Parliament. All too often these days the machine of Government spits out an idea and hopes enough MPs and Lords will toe the line and get it approved. Or spits out an idea that aims higher than it wishes in order to convince opponents a watered down result is some kind of victory.(See: 90 days detention.) This is Government by focus group and policy think-tank. Few of our current crop of MPs could manage to debate their way out of a wet paper bag because they are nothing more than policy salesmen. They cannot explain it in any great depth beyond the facile 'it's right and proper' type of shit.

There is also a bit of a war going on. HMG need to keep spitting out diktats in order to discover what the other side, and the electorate, think. To probe. To advance. To make a tactical withdrawal.(The R word is verboten.) Whether their intentions are benign we cannot possibly know until it is too late. Which is one argument against things such as ID cards and self-amending legislation.

Anonymous said...

This tactic should be familiar to anyone who is married.

Look at it this way, I want a Harley Davidson. I start by mentioning to the missis that S and S performance are making a 2.8 litre Harley style engine which puts out around 300 bhp and I'd like to build a bike around it. This would be madness - the engine is intended for drag racing applications only, but she doesn't know that.
I allow myself to be persuaded that 300bhp in a bike isn't a good idea, so I then start making noises about how much I like the new Twin Cam 96's. I don't actually like them, they are too big and bloated for me. She doesn't like how much they cost and asks me if I wouldn't prefer something lighter and hotter, such as a cheap as chips 1200 Sportster.
Reluctantly I agree to buy the bike I actually wanted in the first place, and she thinks she has won.

Politicians know all about this technique and I expect a watered down version of these proposals to follow soon. The mugs will then think " Oh that wasn't too bad after all " and the bandwagon will roll on.

Anonymous said...

'Leading stores have been attacked for selling lager at a cheaper price than bottled water.'

But that's why you need lots of cans. The cheap stuff has nearly the same alcohol content AS bottled water.

Anonymous said...

Oh and as for the bottled water thing as mentioned by Filthy Smoker. Bottled hasn't got all the shit in it that makes your hair go green, fall out, teeth fall out or generally makes you ill. Look at the residue when dry bit. It don't contain half the shit tap water does.

Anonymous said...

un-fucking-believable - just what the fucking hell is going to happen? - I mean - honestly, the Brits tend not to do armed insurrection - but this is getting bloody ridiculous..!

Anonymous said...

When I read shit like this I want to bayonet those responsible so hard that the blade gets stuck in their spine and you have to flip the selector to full auto and fire off a burst just so you can pull it out ready for use on the next one.

Anonymous said...

The point about all this is not to enter a fucking debate about water quality FFS. Keep with the program - this is about little people trying to tell you how to live your life - I coudldn't give a flying fuck what water you want to drink or spend money on - but it's YOUR decision - not some fucking half-wit in city hall.


Anonymous said...

as often as not i only buy "food stuffs" as an impulse buy when I'm in getting my bottle of biddy ( or perhaps my Blue Nun for brillo's thurday night show). I could save myself some money here...and might just be tempted to be upsold to the litre bottle.

I'm looking forward to these exclusive more standing behind those stupid time-wasting gossips while they rumage through their collection of 5p off vouchers.

I trust I'll still be able to get my tonic at the same checkout as my gin.....what about the lemon though?

Martin Meenagh said...

Grotesque, unbelievable, Bizarre, unreal...and so on. That's appalling

Anonymous said...

"Or to put it another way, it will bring us out of line with every country in Europe with the exception of three grim socialist hell-holes in Scandinavia where there is fuck all else to do except drink heavily, watch animal pornography and commit suicide."

Fucking hell that made me laugh.

Tuscan Tony said...

Perhaps a pink cloth triangle sewn onto their clothing would help identify the drinkers. Bet no-one's thought of that idea before.

Anonymous said...

Gareth said...'"Actually tap water has a high chlorine content." High relative to what?'

High relative to bottled at source mineral water.

The Filthy Smoker said..."The dose makes the poison."

Yes, for the poison mechanism. But there is another physiological mechanism: allergy. We have enough examples of serious allergy problems from peanuts to organo-phosphates to know that politicians assurances about the safety of chemical additives are worthless.

Devil's Kitchen said...

There's another action as regards poisons, actually: hormesis. The New Scientist reported some very intersting new research on it a couple of months ago...


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