Meet Mr Bernard Parks, a bigot and a liar. He is a Councilman in Los Angeles who has just proposed a new smoking ban that is, shall we say, extensive. This is how he announced the proposed law in a speech and an official motion:
"Secondhand smoke is the number one cause of preventable health disease in America"
Jesus Christ! What an outstanding lie to start the ball rolling! That is one massive, glistening, purple-headed, card-carrying bastard of a lie. That is in a league of its own as a word-class, unequivocal, piece-of-shit, deliberate and premeditated lie. How big are this guy's balls? Passive smoking is the number one cause of preventable disease? Nurse!
And what exactly is a "health disease"? What other type of disease is there, you illiterate fuck? No wonder the rest of America regards California as a national joke if you're the type of leader they're electing.
"There are no questions regarding the negative health effects."
Bullshit. The "health effects" range between minimal and zero. Even using every shit-house tactic available to them, epidemiologists have never been able to convincingly link secondhand smoke to cancer or anything else.
"Research has shown that inhaling secondhand smoke is more harmful than actually smoking, primarily due to the unfiltered nature of the smoke and its having been cooled by the air."
God, your balls are huge. Seriously though, don't be so fucking ridiculous. If secondhand smoke was more harmful than smoking then it would be nonsmokers who got wiped out by lung cancer, not the other way around. If secondhand smok....no, I'm not even going to debate this. Who fed you this shit? Do you think about what you're saying? The "unfiltered" smoke is diluted by the air into parts per billion long before it gets anywhere near you sunshine, don't you worry about it.
"Smoking and secondhand smoke has a significant cost impact on our current health care system"
Not that old chestnut. Alright then, one more time: Take the money you get from cigarette taxes. Add in the money saved in pensions, benefits and health-care by smokers dying younger. Now take away the money spent on smoking-related diseases. Now, see that massive pile of cash? That's how much smokers are subsidising nonsmokers. If money is your main concern - and you are a fucking politician - then you should be paying people to smoke.
"Smoking is a voluntary addiction..."
What in the name of holy fuck is a "voluntary addiction"? You really are a thick twat, Parks.
"...which is not a right or protected by the constitution"
Hardly anything is specifically protected by the constitution. A free society does not need to explicitly protect activities. A free society assumes that all things are permissible unless explicitly prohibited.
"but secondhand smoke harms an involuntary population, which has a constitutional right to clean air and a clean environment."
Does it fuck. Face it, the constitution says no more about the "right" to clean air than it does about the "right" to smoke. Don't try to have it both ways. Besides, if there was a constitutional right to clean air, the whole population of Los Angeles would have to be air-lifted out of the stinking shit-tip tomorrow. The smog from LA can be seen from the Grand Canyon, for Christ's sake. Get a grip.
"My motion to ban smoking is not an outright ban..."
Thank God for that. For a minute there, I thought you were about to propose some mad, totalitarian piece-of-shit law.
"...but seeks legislation that regulates its usage to specific places that do not have an expectation of involuntary contact with people."
"Wherever people congregate or there is an expectation of people being present, smoking should be prohibited."
WHAT?!! Is this a fucking joke? You want to ban smoking in every outdoor place where people might be present? That is every street, road, park, beach, yard, pavement, car-park and drive in the city. A complete ban on smoking anywhere outside the home. And yes, that is exactly what is being proposed here, a policy borrowed from the nearby city of Calabasas, where smoking is completely banned outdoors everywhere on pain of a $500 fine or a prison term. You fascist fuck.
"All of us have experienced walking through smoke when entering a building and walking in the smoking debris which clutters our environment. Enough is enough. It is time to put a stop to this now!"
Listen, you son of a bitch - the smokers are not standing outside buildings to piss you off. You forced them out there by banning smoking indoors. Until you cunts got involved, they were all happily sitting in their smoking rooms bothering no-one. As for "smoking debris", smokers would gladly put their cigarette butts in ashtrays except you fuckers banned them all because you said they "encouraged" smoking.
"Over the past couple of years I have at every opportunity confronted several hundred smokers about their health concerns and requested that they put their cigarette out and save their own lives."
I bet you have, you self-righteous prick. Classic busy-body, aren't you? I can just picture these poor bastards trying to enjoy a smoke in one of the few places where they're still allowed to do so, only to have some pompous bell-end stroll over with a fake cough and a smug lecture. Fuck you. When will you people learn? It's none of your fucking business.
Defending this horrendous, authoritarian piece of legislation, the fornicating bastard told the press:
"We're not trying to get into people's bedrooms and homes"
No, you're a real moderate aren't you, Parks? (Actually, in California he probably is.) "But we only want..." has been the stock anti-smoking line for years now. "We only want non-smoking sections", "we only want nonsmoking flights" etc. Now, even when they are demanding that smokers be put under house arrest, the cunts are still trying to sound like they're compromising.
What kind of unspeakable regime needs to reassure people that it's not trying to get into their bedrooms? Doesn't there come a point where even the most small-minded politician takes a look at himself and thinks "What the fuck am I doing? I've become a vicious bully. Where's the rope? Where's the chair?" But they don't. They think "I'm going to lie through my fucking teeth to pass the kind of law that even a tinpot dictator would think twice about." And then they sleep like babies.
Still, that's only in wacky California. It couldn't happen here. It's not like we've imported every anti-smoking policy from America plus a few more, is it?
I'll give it five years.