Monday, May 26, 2008

Oh, here we go again...

Ladies and gentlemen, as a prelude to this post, may I commend to you this video (filmed by Guido, on his mobile) of our ex-DEFRA minister and current Foreign Secretary, David Miliband, at the New Statesman New Media Awards 2006.

Batshit is, of course, quoting this post from The Kitchen and, believe you me, this was a proud moment for your humble Devil (it was at about this time that my head started to swell to its current giant proportions).

I was, of course, ridiculing Batshit's absurd idea of personal carbon points, and I thought that we had heard the last of this poisonous idea. But no, apparently the idea is rearing its ugly head again.
The government should go ahead with a system of personal "carbon credits" to meet emissions targets, MPs have said.

Fuck you, you bunch of corrupt fuckers.
The Environmental Audit Committee said the scheme would be more effective than taxes for cutting carbon emissions.

Under the scheme people would be given an annual carbon limit for fuel and energy use - which they could exceed by buying credits from those who use less.

Naturally, administering this system would entail civil servants prying into every, single aspect of our lives: everything has a carbon cost, everything. For fuck's sake, even breathing has a carbon cost, since we exhale CO2.

Do you really want the government knowing precisely what you buy, when you buy it? Do you want them knowing where you travel, how far and when?

Or do you, like me, have the urge to use some carbon points to get to Westminster and kick the fuckers in the knackers, before hanging all of them using whatever comes to hand?
Ministers said there were practical drawbacks to the proposal...

No shit.
... but they were looking at other initiatives.

Oh, whoopee-fucking-do! Look, this idea was absolutely fucking batshit mad when Miliband proposed it and it is still absolutely batshit insane now.

Longrider comments on this piece of crap too.
Quite apart from the matter of carbon emissions being a disputed cause of the equally disputed anthropogenic climate change, the idea would have been unwieldy and unpopular – and, frankly, it is not the place of government to indulge in social engineering. A quaint idea, I appreciate, but my life is mine, not theirs, I do not report to them, they do not have the authority to decide how I should live my life.

Anyway, enough of the ranting, one of the problems with the idea of carbon trading is that the exiting schemes have already foundered due to collapsing prices. The committee acknowledges that such a scheme imposed on individuals might be unpopular with voters:
The MPs admitted members of the public were likely to be opposed to the move, but urged the government to be “courageous”.

I’m sorry, but what part of “representing constituents” do these people not understand. If their constituents don’t like it—indeed, prove to be vehemently opposed, for instance, then MPs should stop being courageous and listen to the wishes of their employers and do as they are told.

Quite. But, what's this?
Committee chairman Tim Yeo said it found that personal carbon trading had "real potential to engage the population in the fight against climate change and to achieve significant emissions reductions in a progressive way".

Ah yes, Tim Yeo. You might recall that, in January 2007, this fucking little cunt had some more green proposals for us all.
What we should be doing is tackling the domestic flights first. There is no reason at all why people should fly around the UK, fly from London to Edinburgh, London to Scotland, London to Glasgow, London to Manchester, London to Newcastle. Those flights should be knocked out. What we should do is tax domestic flights so heavily and use the money to improve the railways so that in five years time everyone is choosing to go by train within the UK.

I’m not saying they should be banned, but I certainly don’t think we shouldn’t be using them in anything like the volume that we are now.

But I honestly do believe that within ten years there should be virtually no domestic flights.

For fuck's sake, Tim, why don't you just go back to fucking people who aren't your wife and stop screwing the rest of us, you odious little turd?

Because, the thing is that we all know that no matter how expensive Yeo and his cunty mates made internal flights, they would change their habits not one iota: after all, they'd just charge it to the poor fucking taxpayer.

Similarly, you can fucking bet the last penny that Gordo has left in your pocket that MPs would be exempt from these personal carbon points because their work is so very important, you see.
[Hilary "wetter than a really wet thing"] Benn said that the report found the cost of introducing the scheme would be between £700 million and £2 billion, and would cost £1bn-£2bn a year to run.

Does anyone believe these figures? This would be even more far-reaching than those bastard ID Cards and the LSE put a figure of £18 billion on those. For fuck's sake, the government can't even sort out a bloody medical records database for less than £6 billion (and it's going to be nearer £12 billion before it actually gets working).

But what the hell? It's magic money that just falls from the sky, ain't it? You know, it isn't as though we poor bastards have to actually work for it, is it? Oh, just fucking wait a fucking minute...
Environmentalist George Monbiot applauded the scheme.

Well, if ever there were a reason to believe that the scheme is not only unworkable but also morally wrong, it's that George Monbiot—that disgusting little Champagne socialist (he was involved with Gorgeous George Galloway's Respect Party amongst other things)—believes that it's a good thing.

George Monbiot is a cunt of the very first water and he should have a stick shoved up his arse until it is coated in faeces and he should be beaten to death said shitted stick. The same goes for Tim "love child" Yeo.

Fuck, I loathe them all so very much...


Anonymous said...

You've said everything that needs to be said. They really are a bunch of cunts!

Dominic Allkins said...

Agree with ranter - you've said it all - well nearly all.

As with 10p tax rate, increased vehicle tax and the current extortionate rate of fuel duty this is also another tax on having a family.

This weekend I've driven 500 miles to see my children for the weekend. It already costs me a fortune and these fuckers want to make it even more expensive. Cunts.

Anonymous said...

Of coursse!

I get it now!

To run a properly "workable" carbon-credits scheme (that is to say, "RATIONING", you'd need ID cards first! Otherwise, how'd you know what everybody had bought, everywhere, of everything, and therefore how much of their ration they'd used.

It'll stop terrorists and "organised crime", of course, as well. Yeh.

Mark Wadsworth said...

The shittest idea they have come up with for weeks, and that is saying something. The terrifying thing is that this seems to be supported by the Tories.

Jones said...

Guess who will want to be able to claim their 'carbon credits' on expenses, too. Mendacious sons of bitches.

Not a sheep said...

"They" really are shameless in their pursuit of power over "us".

Bishop Brennan said...

If Militwat Major is in favour, then ipso facto I'm against.

If this is the shit he coems up with, then NuLiebour's hope that he might save them is even more far-fetched than the idea that Gordon has nothing to do with the current economic problems, but was entirely responsible for the economic 'wonders' of the last 11 years...

Anonymous said...

Oh crap.

I've just spent all day digging out three trees and here I read they're trying the 'fart tax' again.

Now I'll have to burn them double-quick and blow the smoke over the fence.

Somebody dig up Cromwell. He's needed again.

Pogo said...

According to "Prodicus" on burningourmoney...

"The very non-Conservative Mr Yeo is deeply involved with green ishoos and not just golf courses, either (he's the much-travelled golf correspondent of the FT). He is a director/shareholder of:-

a 'clean energy' company, (

a fuel cell company (

and an environment clean-up company (

Nothing wrong with any of that, of course. I'm just saying..."

William Gruff said...

If we'll be able to trade them perhaps we'll be allowed to pay our taxes with them. The government could pay benefits to the work-shy in PCPs (let them eat carbon?) and possibly even clear the national debt by trading our tax PCPs with highly polluting countries, which will certainly need all the points they can get.

Illegal immigrants could be given carbon credits instead of citizenship and MPs could be reimbursed for expenses claims with them.

It's certainly worth looking at.

Anonymous said...

It's interesting to think about this. If we get carbon credits for not polluting, then the less we do, the more we get.

In fact, the bone-idle will do very well out of this. Those who drive around doing things like 'work' will suffer, though.

Surely no government would pay its population to stay home and do nothing? Surely no government would coddle the idle and penalise those who work? That would be utterly insane.

Oh, wait...

Anonymous said...

Welcome to the "second car and spare room" tax. This one is right up there with the window tax.

It is workable now without a massive additional data gathering operation as follows
1. Personal Carbon Allowance at birth
2. Carbon Points deducted for number / size of car (points per car table) - Complicated rebate system for essential car users that needs to be applied for quarterly.
3. Carbon Points deducted for under occupation of houses. Arbitrary points on poll tax bandings with complicated rebate system for families that needs to be applied for quarterly.

System balanced so that the allowances of Mum, Dad & 2 kids are wiped out by a family saloon and a three bedroomed house. Any body running two cars or with a spare room gets clobbered. Works in line with the current ethos of taking your money and then making you ask for it back

Hey presto HMG have found another way into your pockets.


Dr Evil said...

You've said it all. Perfect. We fly because although the airports are a pain with their useless and VERY slow security checks, flying is cheaper than the train these days. So is reaction is typical of Noo Labour, TAX flying. Ignore the time savings that could be made by improving airport efficiency plus the fast travel. This guy is thinking 19th century thoughts in the 20th century, relying on slow trains. Typical of this country. Use antiquated infrastructure. Patch it up instead of investing properly.

Dr Evil said...

Dammit. That would be 21st century. Can we have an edit button?

Letters From A Tory said...

Actually, pollution trading would be a brilliant way of rewarding those who pollute less (meaning they literally get extra money) and penalising those who pollute more.

Sounds very rational to me.

Anonymous said...

Chalcedon - you were right first time.

We haven't moved into the 21st century yet because we've been going in circles since 1997.

Michael Heaver said...

Deary me, things are looking rather bleak on the old tax front.

Anonymous said...

Mr Kitchen, you've exceeded your maximum of 15 replies. You are aware than more than 15 gathering together breaches the European Legislation Code BS428549306886.
Also, your defamatory remarks about Carbon Printing, implying a Totalitarian Communist overlord, will result in "using the method of self-criticism and linked with the masses of the people;" Page 3 of the Little Red Book

Jules Wright said...

how do you destroy an ivory tower? [sigh] with the bomb and the bullet, i sadly conclude.

cunts, the lot of them. as a card-carrying, low-taxation, small government, free marketeer tory, i regularly feel like i've just been told that the only food available EVER is a choice between a my-shit-sandwich, a someone-else's-shit-sandwich and a monbiot-shit-sandwich. eeeeeeeww!

christ-on-a-pony ... why is it always and only the milchcows (us) who are invited to imbibe? there is a straw and there is a camel's back ...

Trooper Thompson said...

See what the young tory letter-writer says above!

Remember that folks if you ever think of voting tory - i.e. DON'T

With these crackpot totalitarian schemes, if they can't quite get away with this now, they'll use it to cover something equally evil but slightly less overt, and as the tories will go along, they'll tell us that they have a consensus - neglecting to mention that tory and labour together is a minority of scum hated by most of the country.

William Gruff said...

No , no, Trooper Thompson! I'm warming to the idea: I could pay for my groceries by getting the supermarket to deliver them in electric vehicles instead of driving there myself, and then signing over the PCPs to them. I could pay my council tax by planting trees in the local park and my water rates by shitting in the garden. I need never work again. All I have to be is a lazy slob, which I am already, and I'm quids, or rather PCPs, in.

Christ on a bike! (As my tame Scouser is wont to exclaim.) How many carbon points could I earn by staying in bed all day and not exhaling excessive carbon as a result of avoidable exercise? I'm so excited by the prospect of saving the planet through doing absolutely sweet fuck all that I'm going to lie down straight away.

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