Tuesday, May 06, 2008

A Dear John letter...

Oh well, will you look at this—MPs realise precisely how much the cost of living has risen and, as usual, are aiming to ensure that they bear none of the costs of their shitty, fucking policies.
MPs are demanding a pay rise of up to £15,000 in return for ending their long-standing but controversial power to set their own salaries and pensions.

Earlier this year, Gordon Brown appointed the former chair of the Senior Salaries Review Board (SSRB), Sir John Baker, to review the level of Parliamentary remuneration amid growing public concern about the potential for MPs to abuse the system.

The Daily Telegraph understands that members of the House of Commons Commission, who have been considering the matter on behalf of MPs, will submit a suggested pay rise soon to Sir John of between £10,000 and £15,000.

It beggars belief, quite frankly. So maybe I shall make my own submission to Sir John Baker...

Dear John, and all MPs,

Look, guys, here's the situation.

We don't mind you having expenses as long as those expenses are being spent in pursuance of the job that you are supposed to do for the taxpayer. Unfortunately—being a bunch of corrupt, venal shits with all of the honour of a collection of particularly dishonourable thieves—you decided to abuse this privilege. Instead of using the expenses as expenses, you decided to use them to boost your own standard of living.

Then you tried to lie about this fraudulent behaviour, whilst simultaneously attempting to cover up yet more revelations about the extent of your hideous fucking theft. Instead, you have been caught out time and again and now we simply cannot trust you.

And now you have decided, because you can no longer rape and abuse the expenses system in order to line your own pockets, that you should be simply handed the money outright.

Well, fuck you, frankly—fuck you right in the ear.

When someone is found to be stealing, one doesn't reward them by just handing over the money regardless. You punish them.

You bastards should not only be forced to pay back all fraudulent expense claims, plus any expenses claims that are even vaguely suspiciously unaccounted for, but you should be charged interest on the repayments (you know, like the HMRC does to taxpayers).

If you cannot pay, then you can declare yourselves bankrupt and you should be forced to resign your seat. And I sincerely hope that you and your family find themselves, destitute, on the street.

In short, you can take your 25% pay rise and shove it right up your fucking arse, you cunts. How dare you? Seriously, given your disgusting abuse of the people's trust, how fucking dare you ask for an extra £15,000?

Fuck you.

I say that we should slash MPs' pay to the level of the median wage, which stands at about £24,000 at present. I say that all expenses should be accounted for—and yes, I do mean every, single penny should be accounted for—and any MP abusing the system should be immediately put on trial and, if found guilty, stripped of his seat and sent to prison for so long that the fucker will never see the light of day again.

Any member of his family found to have taken money in return for doing absolutely cock-all should also be prosecuted as an accessory to fraud and being in receipt of stolen goods.

Any MP who has failed to keep proper accounts should be prosecuted—as would any normal taxpayer—and absolutely, mercilessly financially ruined and personally persecuted as the thieving, lying dog-shit that they are.

In any case, these measures would ensure that almost the entirety of the egregious Conway family would be bankrupted and put behind bars, pour encourager less autres if nothing else.

Oh, and did I mention that you fucking bunch of cunts can just take your request for your £15,000 rise and fuck off and die? I did? Oh well, it can never be said enough times; so, here it is again...

Fuck. Off. You. Thieving. Bastards.

Is that clear enough for you...?


Anonymous said...

Hi Devil

You DO have a very serious point and one with which I'd guess 85%+ of the electorate will agree.

The Telegraph talked of the "professional status" of MP's.
Professional my arse!!!
They are ONLY professional in the sense that they are paid - and rather well for what they do ! NO fucking stress for most but anyone on that salary elsewhere WOULD likely be stressed.

Check BBC Parliament (channel 81)at any time except PMQ and Very Important Debates (I use "debate" as somewhat of a "euphemism" )

I DID see by chance Theresa May give an excellent and well argued speech on International Womens Day. She had perhaps 40 MPs in the chamber to hear it!!!
So where the fuck ARE these "representatives of the people" for most of the time? They only appear to appear when the Government is facing censure!
The rest of the time? Well they ain't in the Chamber - more likely the heavily subsidised Members Bar!!!
Some DO sit on Select Committees (for which they apparently are paid extra!) and some of those even appear to have researched and ask intelligent questions - but even that can't account for many of the "missing" 600.

The ONE major thing the arses DO NOT do is actually represent the REAL views of the electorate - the VERY reason they were elected.

They prefer instead to support the bullying Whips for fear of being on the scrap heap and NOT getting lucrative additional appointments.

Make no mistake the surface has so far only received a serious scratch. There IS much more! The Lords for example get £230+ a day just for turning up. They DO NOT actually need to attend debates or do any work. Just sign in.

THIS is supposed to cover food and overnight accommodation (used or not and apparently no need for receipts! And SINCE it is supposed to be expenses then probably tax free) + they get significant expenses as well.
I HAVE worked in London as a freelancer and received expenses (for which I had to account to HMRC) I could have lived pretty "high" on the Lords £78 a day food allowance!!! And stayed in some very nice hotels for £150 a night!!!

Too many MPs are too busy arse-licking in hopes of an even MORE lucrative position (in Labours case anyway),

Make NO mistake the electorate were NEVER informed of the fine detail of any parties "policies". To read those then one has to spend £25 but time after time we hear "it was in the manifesto". Well 99% of the electorate and perhaps 99% of MPs never actually KNEW that!!!

There ARE and have been MPs with conscience but very few. Gwyneth Dunwoody may have been one of those, and perhaps Tam Dyell (now retired) and Dennis Skinner and possibly Frank Field. Even the odious Tony Benn.
Can't think of many more!! (there surely MUST be a few!)

I'd reckon Devil that if you "sanitised" your letter (it will certainly be binned if you don't and still send it) then you very well COULD start a popular movement and even gain popular support for the Libertarian Party.

You've expressed your ire in exactly the terms I and most would
- these MPs really ARE CUNTS - but to get notice taken then sadly it IS necessary to express views in "establishment" terms. You are a superb wordsmith so how about it?

John B Northumberland

Trixy said...

Lord Willoughby raised the issues of the, er, raises in the House of Lords today, asking why if they are responsible for hardly any of the legislation we are governed by, are they giving themselves such a huge raise? Surely they should be getting a pay cut?

wonkotsane said...

Mounsey, I wish you'd stop sitting on the fence.

Anonymous said...

Please actually send him that letter, couldn't have put it better myself!

Dr Evil said...

I would consider a pay rise only:

If they admit that the real level of inflation is 11% and measure things that really matter to people to work it out realistically year on year.

That they restore the pensions and earnings link

That they admit all these Green taxes are just taxes and will not benefit the environment one iota because China and India don't give a shit.

That illegal and legal immigration must be radically reduced (legal 20,000 a year, illegal 0 per year)

That the best way to empty prisons is to hang retroactively all murderers

Anonymous said...

They give me rage, they really do.

Please send that letter, it's beautiful and it says it so well. The only tiny thing you missed out is the bit where you offer to go round, stick your dick in their ears and fuck some sense into them. Apart from that it gets the thumbs up.

NHS Fail Wail

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