MPs are demanding a pay rise of up to £15,000 in return for ending their long-standing but controversial power to set their own salaries and pensions.
Earlier this year, Gordon Brown appointed the former chair of the Senior Salaries Review Board (SSRB), Sir John Baker, to review the level of Parliamentary remuneration amid growing public concern about the potential for MPs to abuse the system.
The Daily Telegraph understands that members of the House of Commons Commission, who have been considering the matter on behalf of MPs, will submit a suggested pay rise soon to Sir John of between £10,000 and £15,000.
It beggars belief, quite frankly. So maybe I shall make my own submission to Sir John Baker...
Dear John, and all MPs,
Look, guys, here's the situation.
We don't mind you having expenses as long as those expenses are being spent in pursuance of the job that you are supposed to do for the taxpayer. Unfortunately—being a bunch of corrupt, venal shits with all of the honour of a collection of particularly dishonourable thieves—you decided to abuse this privilege. Instead of using the expenses as expenses, you decided to use them to boost your own standard of living.
Then you tried to lie about this fraudulent behaviour, whilst simultaneously attempting to cover up yet more revelations about the extent of your hideous fucking theft. Instead, you have been caught out time and again and now we simply cannot trust you.
And now you have decided, because you can no longer rape and abuse the expenses system in order to line your own pockets, that you should be simply handed the money outright.
Well, fuck you, frankly—fuck you right in the ear.
When someone is found to be stealing, one doesn't reward them by just handing over the money regardless. You punish them.
You bastards should not only be forced to pay back all fraudulent expense claims, plus any expenses claims that are even vaguely suspiciously unaccounted for, but you should be charged interest on the repayments (you know, like the HMRC does to taxpayers).
If you cannot pay, then you can declare yourselves bankrupt and you should be forced to resign your seat. And I sincerely hope that you and your family find themselves, destitute, on the street.
In short, you can take your 25% pay rise and shove it right up your fucking arse, you cunts. How dare you? Seriously, given your disgusting abuse of the people's trust, how fucking dare you ask for an extra £15,000?
I say that we should slash MPs' pay to the level of the median wage, which stands at about £24,000 at present. I say that all expenses should be accounted for—and yes, I do mean every, single penny should be accounted for—and any MP abusing the system should be immediately put on trial and, if found guilty, stripped of his seat and sent to prison for so long that the fucker will never see the light of day again.
Any member of his family found to have taken money in return for doing absolutely cock-all should also be prosecuted as an accessory to fraud and being in receipt of stolen goods.
Any MP who has failed to keep proper accounts should be prosecuted—as would any normal taxpayer—and absolutely, mercilessly financially ruined and personally persecuted as the thieving, lying dog-shit that they are.
In any case, these measures would ensure that almost the entirety of the egregious Conway family would be bankrupted and put behind bars, pour encourager less autres if nothing else.
Oh, and did I mention that you fucking bunch of cunts can just take your request for your £15,000 rise and fuck off and die? I did? Oh well, it can never be said enough times; so, here it is again...
Fuck. Off. You. Thieving. Bastards.
Is that clear enough for you...?