PRIME minster Gordon Brown last night admitted he loathes absolutely everyone in Britain.
As Labour faced its worst election result in more than 4000 years, Mr Brown confirmed the long-held suspicion that he's never liked us either.
He said: "It has long been claimed that I am a miserable sociopath who has only ever cared about becoming prime minister.
"Well, guess what? It's true. Whoop di-fucking-do. Well done Simon Heffer and Quentin Letts, you were right all along. You fat pricks."
I can well believe it, you know; after all, every action has an equal and opposite reaction and the force of my loathing for the Gobblin' King must lead to some hatred from his side.
In other news, the Daily Mash gets something else spot on too.
VOTERS are heading to the polls today in the biennial ritual of choosing exactly which oddballs and thieves will run their local council.
I must confess to severely disliking the whole Mayor of London election rigmarole, which is why I haven't really written about it. All of the candidates make these grandiose promises and thus give people the impression that nothing could possibly done without some politician giving it his decree.
This isn't the case: always remember that the only reason that politicians are able to do anything is because they rape us for cash and power.