Climate change could cause global conflicts as large as the two world wars but lasting for centuries unless the problem is controlled, a leading defence think tank has warned.
Hey, you know what? I can do that too.
If the governments of the world don't immediately shoot billions of pounds worth of gold into space to placate the Space Aliens of Doom, they will invade and cause five billion deaths. These Space Aliens of Doom have eighty-three heads, five tentacles and a cock the size of the Eiffel Tower; as such, they could wipe us all out unless...
Oh, fuck it: the above scenario is just total, scare-mongering fantasy based on no evidence whatsoever. A bit like this climate change report...
The Royal United Services Institute said a tenfold increase in research spending, comparable to the amount spent on the Apollo space programme, will be needed if the world is to avoid the worst effects of changing temperatures.
Wow! Who would have thunk it? A research arm of the government says that governments need to spend an awful lot more on research—why am I not surprised?
Look, chaps, if climate change is settled science, then why on earth would we need to spend yet more billions on research? If the science is not in doubt, then surely it would be more worthwhile to spend those billions of dollars on abatement or solutions?
Of course, it might be better if we could read the report; however, as Timmy point out, that's a little tricky.
Well, that sounds interesting. So what is it that they are actually saying, rather than what’s in the press release?
The report page.
What? No .pdf download? We actually have to pay to read your report?
Sorry guys, you’ve just lost a great deal of interest in your case.
But then, since the whole thing is a load of fucking tosh, let's not worry about it, eh?