Unfortunately, they were obviously considerably less picky when Dave Spam got in. Well, either that or Dave has actually lost his tiny fucking mind.
So, you sit back wearily and regard me with some resignation: "What has he done now?"
- "Well," says I, "I was wandering around at Vindico's place, and I spotted his fisking of Dave's latest lunacy, as reported in this Telegraph article."
- "Well, we shall come to Vindico's conclusion in a second. First, what does Mr Cameron propose?"
- "Let me just find my place... er... right, yes, here we are.
Company bosses should have their bonuses cut if their firms do not act responsibly to help communities tackle teenage binge-drinking and recycling under Conservative plans to be announced today.
The Tories want to compel companies to link directors' bonuses with their charity work rather than profits.
Shops that move chocolate bars away from check-outs to stop children pestering their parents to buy them or television stations which do not screen graphic material until late at night are examples of firms which would not face penalties under the scheme.
David Cameron will today unveil plans to encourage corporate responsibility in areas ranging from obesity to climate change. Among the more radical proposals is a suggestion that companies could be judged against each other...
- "Like a market, you mean?"
- "No. And don't interrupt; I'm nearly done...
... with the Financial Services Authority issuing an annual social responsibility index.
Shareholders in companies found to have failed to put the good of the community above that of profit margins would be encouraged to dock annual bonuses from senior managers.
- "What? What! What the fucking hell is he playing at? Why doesn't he just fucking nationalise every fucking company and run them according to the way that he wants them to run? The man's gone insane."
- "Well, I did warn you that he had lost his tiny mind."
- "Fucking hellski."
- "Yes, that was my approximate summing up of the situation."
- "And Vindico's?"
- "Much the same, but less pithy.
Oh dear. So at the next election the country gets to choose between a high tax and spend party and another high tax and spend party; between a nannying party and another nannying party; between a capitalism hating party and another capitalism hating party; between a big fucking rock and a very hard place. Lucky Brits.
One finds it difficult to disagree with his analysis, that's for sure. Have you anything to add to that?"
- "Fucking hellski!"