ARCHBISHOP OF CANTERBURY LOSES MIND
THE Church of England was under temporary management last night after the Archbishop of Canterbury lost his mind during an interview with the BBC.
The Archbishop then ran from the room, removing his underpants and shouting: "Look at it! Look at my dancing penis!"
Reverend Williams was later spotted running into woodland near Gravesend where he is believed to have spent the night.
If, however, anyone were to respond to my request to do a Thomas a Becket on Williams, the police would not be the people to call. And nor would Ghostbusters. Although these people often bust ghosts. But not real ones, obviously.
LEAVE IT TO THE SCOOBY DOO GANG, SAYS TOP COP
POLICE officers are good at hitting people in the mouth with truncheons but should leave catching criminals to the kids from Scooby Doo, a top policeman said last night.
Sir Ronnie said his review of police working practices showed that amateur sleuths such as Jonathan Creek, Jessica Fletcher out of Murder She Wrote and that new one with Stephen Fry, had a much higher clear-up rate than trained detectives.
He is recommending the police hand over a range of duties to civilians allowing officers to concentrate on sleeping with the local brasses for free, shaking down drug dealers and shooting electricians in the face.
Our authority figures are so well-respected these days, are they not?