Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Derek Conway: corrupt, lying thief

This is Mr Derek Conway MP. Mr Derek Conway MP is, as you can see, a big man. Mr Derek Conway MP's dewlaps were funded by us. Mr Derek Conway MP is a frauster, who has fattened himself and his family by shamefully battening onto the public purse.

The extent of the monies that Mr Derek Conway MP has leeched from the taxpayer is examined in the usual forensic detail by the Ministry of Truth.
In all, and on the back of the limited information I’ve been able to uncover (which amounts to almost nothing pre-1997 in terms of registered interests because these are not provided on-line) Conway presents an interesting little set on conundrums.

His background is, to say the least, pretty unremarkable - his biography on Wikipedia has him down as the product of a state school in Newcastle, Beacon Hill boys school, for which there’s insufficient information to determine whether it was a comprehensive or secondary modern, followed by Gateshead Technical College and Newcastle Polytechnic.

From there he appears to have gone directly into politics; City councillor (and deputy Conservative group leader) at 21, staying on until 1987, four years after being elected to parliament in Shrewsbury and Atcham in 1983. He also served as a councillor on Tyne and Wear County Council from 1977 to 1983, during which period he was Conservative Group leader from 1979 to 1982. The Shrewbury ‘gig’ ran through to 1997, during which period he never rose above being a bog-standard party whip, so he would have pulled down the standard MPs salary plus whip’s allowance (and if the two were roughly at the same relative level then as they are now then we’re looking at about a premium of around 40% over a standard MPs salary throughout), which was followed by his stint at the Cat’s Protection League (£75k a year in 2000) and then back in parliament as a backbencher in 2001.

So what we have is someone from a mundane background who’s spent pretty much his entire working life in politics and who, without information on any outside interests he may have had during his spell as MP for Shrewsbury and Atcham, has what looks to be his best (verifiable) financial period between 2001 and 2003, where he was getting paid both as an MP and as Chief Executive of the Cats Protection League (so around £135-150K a year top whack in 2002) and who appears to have succeeded in putting his two boys through one of the UK’s most expensive public schools (and there’s a daughter unaccounted for as yet to go on the bill).

Mr Derek Conway MP is, quite simply, corrupt. And his response?
Mr Conway has issued an apology to MPs on the floor of the Commons. "I unreservedly apologise to the House for my administrative shortcomings and the misjudgments I made,'' he said. "No judgment from any quarter could be more harsh than that which I apply to myself."

You see? The man simply cannot stop lying: believe me, fuckface, the judgement that I apply to you is, I fucking guarantee, considerably harsher than you could ever apply to yourself.

You see, there are absolutely no circumstances in which this humble Devil would consider that helping himself to enormous sums from the public purse in order to fund a lavish lifestyle for himself and his family would ever be acceptable.

You, Mr Derek Conway MP, obviously thought that it was acceptable; oh, you may be remorseful now (although I doubt it) but you didn't hesitate to do it, did you? After all, who gives a shit: it's magic money, isn't it? It just falls from the fucking sky, doesn't it?

You are a fucking disgrace, Mr Derek Conway MP, and yet the real tragedy is that I am simply not surprised. The longer that I examine the political system in this country, and those who inhabit it, the more obvious it becomes that the whole of it is rotten to the very stinking, putrid core. The system is rotten because those who inhabit it are charlatans, thieves, hypocrites, liars and scum.
He said he had let down his family "very badly indeed"'.

Let them down? I don't think so, Mr Conway: au contraire, you have supported them very handsomely indeed. You have supported a lifestyle unimaginable to the vast majority of people in this country on the back of their work; you have fraudulently enriched yourself and your family with monies extorted, with menaces, from the hard-working population who, unlike you, actually contribute something useful to the country and their customers.

And if these were "administrative failings", Mr Derek Conway, then you should have sacked your administrator. That would be your wife then. Or is it your eldest son? Or is it your daughter who is copying and pasting articles from the internet for you, these days?

I don't think that I can state the final case more simply or eloquently than the poor, little Greek boy.
No, let’s not mince words. You are guilty, Derek, not of “administrative shortcomings”, but of fraud. You are a thief. You have taken my money and used it to enrich your family. You are a thief, and if you were in any other profession you would have been fired for gross misconduct, your former employers would be suing to recover the £75,000+ that you have stolen from the public purse, and you would be facing criminal proceedings. But for an MP?
Mr Conway now faces 10 days suspension from the House of Commons.

Fuck me, that'll have the thieves quaking in their brogues. No, DK is right. Hang them all, and let the rotting carcasses be left in place for a fortnight, crows pecking at their eyes and rats nibbling on the entrails, as a warning to the others.

And to those who criticise me for the contempt I evince for those who govern us, I say this; it is as nothing compared to the contempt they display for me—me, you, and everyone else whom they purport to serve.

Quite. Hang them all, tear down this stinking edifice of corruption, this monument to fraud, and start again.

After all, once the Lisbon Treaty is ratified, those 646 MPs will be merely overpaid regional councillors, no more able to defend our interests than a dead dog in the street.

Hang them: hang them all.


John Eckersley said...

I wonder if all the cat lovers holding jumble sales realised where all their cash was going? I bet they didn't.

Anonymous said...

A corrupt theif well no wonder he joined the tories. Oh by the way do you have to say aboput the tory
who has been abusing people..

Anonymous said...

He came from the north east. Probably knew Abrahams. The closer to Scotland the more corrupt. It's a truism. Scotland, councils, parliament. That's the worst combination. God knows which schools Gateshead traffic wardens' children go to. Or who paid for them. Is he Jewish?

Anonymous said...

Derek Conway is a decent man and his wrongdoings, whatever they may be, must not be laid at the feet of his children. It si certainly not their fault.

Anonymous said...

2:44 Do not start calling corruption jewish or scottish. What nationality was Fred West.

Anonymous said...

He's an absolute fucking fraud. 4072£ car mileage? 2nd home costs?

Maybe he's picking up from Edward Heath when he was MP for Bexley. He sold out.

I bet Old Bexley and Sidcup do a Neath for him. They're so geriatric.

I went to some functions at Enfield Southgate CA once. They were all over us. 'Oh, new blood', they said. I was 45. So you can imagine how how old they were. Their place is now a Tesco Express.

Btw, I don't believe Portillo is gay. His eyes were all over my wife's boobs. I nearly thumped him.

Anonymous said...

Fred West was honest.

Unlike Wendy John, Terry Kelly. And the rest of the Celtic fringe.

At least we know where Fred West's skeletons are buried.

Anonymous said...

Wendy Alexander.

Different name, same corruption.

Anonymous said...

Check out DC's leaving of Shrewsbury - there are those who say he sold up and left his cats in the house and then became CEO of cats protection league - that sounds about right

Roger Thornhill said...

Conway is remorseful - that he got found out.

Anonymous said...

Alas, our society focusses on material possessions and as such we shouldn't be too surprised when the people at the top of society want more material possessions than anyone else.

Roger Thornhill said...

Anon: 10:55. Bullshit.

Next you will be blaming it all on Thatcher and asking for "the people" to gain control of the means of production.

Anonymous said...

Whoever wrote this article is very bitter and has a real chip on his shoulder about something. You sat down and probably spent several hours trying to devise what you think is an incredibly witty and sharp comment, when in truth it is you who ends up looking and sounding like a tosser.
The Conways from personal experience are a very popular and kind family, and their children should not be subject to such bitter and abusive assumptions. Henry and Fred are legends amongst their friends and I know they are devastated by seeing their father's as well as their own reputations crumbling before their eyes.
It is really pathetic when trivial, and most likely quite sad people like you drool out articles like this, thinking its clever when all it does is upset and provoke.
Enjoy your pint tonight fuckface.

Anonymous said...

Couldn't agree more; hang the fuckers. Outside parliament, this is called a crime; inside it's a "mistake". There are indeed decent and probably honest MPs, but the Conways and Hains are not in their ranks.

As to the poster above: perhaps if Conway was more concerned with his family's honour and reputation, he wouldn't have stuck his mitts in the till.

Tony said...

"The Conways from personal experience are a very popular and kind family, and their children should not be subject to such bitter and abusive assumptions".

Yet the kids of Derek 'the dewlap' Conway were willing to take the taxpayers money for virtually non-existent jobs! Nice people...

Anonymous said...

What a discrace to the honist people people in this country I wonder how many have their snouts in the trough. Disgraceful should be thrown out

Anonymous said...

I live in his MP constituency and it feels that I have had his genitals rammed down my throat. Bastard doesn't live anywhere near. He is a thief and should be arrested and put on trial as a common thief. Don't forget that you and me would be! Shame on the police---nick him!

Anonymous said...

I have an old newspaper cutting , when he was 26 he was engaged to Sue Bevan, he dumped her by letter saying she wasn't good enough for him and not suitable to be a politicians wife. He kept all the engagement presents. Not sure of the paper or the date. The article was written by Keith Beabey.

Wildfire said...

As a previous employee of Cats Protection I have many recollections of Mr Conway...
His insitance on staying in 5 star hotels
Travelling with him on flights ..he went business class .. all other staff coach!!
It was also amusing how often the management team were called to London for meeetings after he renetered parliament...CEO of Cats Protection more like absentee landlord!!

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