Monday, December 31, 2007

New Year celebrations...

... kick off with a humdinger from the Flying Rodent.
Condolences to the Belgians, who shame us all by winning the annual Softie Award for cancelling new year.

My Mum begged me not to go to Edinburgh's new year celebrations in 2003, because the police thought terrorists would attack us. As it turned out, the entire plot was utter bullshit and I was attacked instead by a six-foot-four-tall Glaswegian whose deranged girlfriend mistakenly believed I was selling drugs.

So my message this new year must be, don't worry about crazy Islamists - they're highly unlikely to attack us on any given day.

Mental Glaswegians, however, will try to smash your face in on the slightest pretext, and should be shot on sight.

So that's where John Smeaton got to...


Anonymous said...

bearing in mind that there has been no Belgian Government for about 230 days*, who exactly did cancel it then?

* lucky old Belgium

rilly super said...

here in the north the new year was cancelled some years ago, the trouble is nobody ever un-cancelled it and that's why it's still 1956 here, sigh

happy new year Mr kitchen

Anonymous said...

"Mental Glaswegians, however, will try to smash your face in on the slightest pretext,"

-- which is why John Smeaton, working in Glasgow Airport was such a hero for being the first person in the world to kick a terrorist who was burning and staggering around. He also hit him, I belive. Mr Smeaton himself said, "I decked him" which has a classic elegance I can relate to.

Please do not talk down Glasgow. It is the last redoubt of independence in Great Britain.

The very model of a modern scientific man

Your humble Devil was thoroughly amused by Neil Ferguson's fall from grace, and is very pleased to have found the time to outline Fergus...