A radical plan to persuade people to stop smoking, take more exercise and change their diets was proposed last night by a leading Government adviser.
As new figures were published yesterday showing that England tops the European league as the fattest nation in the EU, Professor Julian Le Grand, chair of Health England and a former senior Downing Street aide to Tony Blair, said a completely fresh approach was required by Government to reverse the epidemic of obesity and to tackle similar ills caused by "excess consumption".
In a speech to the Royal Statistical Society last night, Professor Le Grand said instead of requiring people to make healthy choices – by giving up smoking, taking more exercise and eating less salt – policies should be framed so the healthy option is automatic and people have to choose deliberately to depart from it.
Given how the government and its fascist advisers think, can you guess what is coming next? I bet you can, but you have already dismissed it in your mind. Surely, you are thinking, no one in a liberal society would ever propose such a thing?
Well, you are completely fucking wrong.
Among his suggestions are a proposal for a smoking permit, which smokers would have to produce when buying cigarettes, an "exercise hour" to be provided by all large companies for their employees and a ban on salt in processed food.
What the... I mean... I... ach... gaaaarrrrr... what the fucking fuck-fuck? What the fuck is this shit? A fucking smoking permit? An "exercise hour"? I... I... You fuck, Le Grand; you fuck.
And the big fat lolly stick sticking jauntily from the top of this fresh turd is what this cunt scientist has decided to dub his fascistic ideas.
The idea, dubbed "libertarian paternalism", reverses the traditional government approach that requires individuals to opt in to healthy schemes.
What the fuck is libertarian about forcing people to buy licenses to buy and consume perfectly legal products? What is libertarian about either forcing people to partake in an exercise hour or forcing companies to have one? What the fucking shit is this cunt on?
This is totalitarianism, this is fascism. You are beholden to the state and the state tells you how you should look and live; the state is your lord and master and you must serve your master until you die.
Instead, they would have to opt out to make the unhealthy choice, by buying a smoking permit, choosing not to participate in the exercise hour or adding salt at the table.
By preserving individual choice, the approach could be defended against charges of a "nanny state," he said. "Some people say this is paternalism squared. But at a fundamental level, you are not being made to do anything. It is not like banning something, it is not prohibition. It is a softer form of paternalism."
FUCK YOU, Le Grand. The only question that I need to ask is whether I can buy a license to gun you down and then beat you viciously to death, you fucking fascist cunt.
On smoking, he said permits could be issued annually and the signature of a doctor might even be needed. This would require individuals to "opt-in" each year to being a smoker, rather than "opting out" by choosing to give up.
"Sellers of tobacco from supermarkets to tobacconists would have to see the permit before any sale. To get a permit would involve filling out a form and supplying a photograph as well as paying the required fee. Permits would only be issued to those over 18 and evidence of age would have to be provided. The money raised for the permits would go to the NHS."
You think that I should buy a license to smoke? Is this on top of the vast amounts of tax that I already pay on cigarettes? Well, to quote Withnail and I (one of the finest films ever made), do you know what you can do with your smoking license?
You can stuff it up your arse for nothing, and fuck off while you're doing it.
According to Dr Le Grand, "nothing can work short of a revolution" and in this he is completely correct. Although I am pretty fucking certain that the revolution that I envisage is not the same as his vision.
Amongst other things, mine involves considerably more premature deaths...
UPDATE: Mike Power's take...