Thursday, June 14, 2007

Fuckwit cunt of the week: Vernon "fuckwit" Coaker

Not so long ago, Labour Minister, Vernon Coaker, offered some sage advice to those of us who are, patently obviously, rather worse people than he himself.
"It is unacceptable for people to use alcohol and urinate in the street, vomit and carry on."

So, here's a question for you, Vernon, you fucking piece of llama-shit: why the cunting fuck are the toilets at Clapham Common never open?

For the last three nights (and many, many nights over the last few weeks) I have been standing at the bus stop opposite Clapham Common Tube Station.

For all of you that don't know, Clapham Common Tube Station is little more than a rain shelter for all those who are exiting the Underground; however, its rather elegant dome is build into a set of public toilets. Which are never, ever open.

I was there tonight—the lights were on inside and I was dying for a fucking piss* but the steel gates were across the entrance (on both sides). What the cunting fuck?

This is a fucking public cunting toilet! Open the fucking things, you bunch of lackwit bastards. What are you afraid of: that people are going to piss in them? What is the tossing excuse for closing facilities that we have paid for at the very time that they are needed most?

I fucking hate you, Coaker, you illiberal wankstain; I hope that you die slowly, over a period of many years, of prostate cancer; that you find yourself constantly needing a piss and yet banging futilely at the doors of public toilets that are not open for a reason that, presumably, only you cunt politician scum know.

And when you are forced to pee your trousers in the street, I shall call the police and have you arrested and then fucked up the arse, as you are trapped in a cell, by a man possessed of the biggest dick in the world.

* I held it in until I arrived home but, as I'm sure that Dr Crippen can tell you, you can do irreparable damage to your bladder by holding a piss in too long.


Unity said...

why the cunting fuck are the toilets at Clapham Common never open?


Try Googling the following:

"Ron Davies" "moment of madness"

Now do you understand? 8oP

Devil's Kitchen said...


Are you suggesting that all homosexual cottagers are rapists? ;-)

I will happily brave a bum-rape in order to be able to have a piss.


Unity said...

I will happily brave a bum-rape in order to be able to have a piss.

Okay, DK, you win this round - I genuinely cannot say for certain whether that come back is entirely innocent or a major golden shower gag.

Devil's Kitchen said...

You know I love to keep you guessing, Unity...


Roger Thornhill said...

I got upset at "Big Vern" Coaker a week or so back for that very statement.

He is a Sociofascist of the yellowest water.

Anonymous said...

It's not the benders that are the problem for the council. They are afraid that people like Davies and cunts like George Michael will be caught in their toilets.

Negative publicity and all that. Better safe than sorry and leave the fuckers locked.

Dr Xavier Ray said...

Very convenient for lonely MPs staying over in London. They would rather the skeletons stayed in the cupboard

Anonymous said...

I recall having an exchange with the GLR many years ago on this very subject (although about toilets at another tube station). Their answer was, to paraphrase their verbal incontinence, "you'd only use them, and we won't clean them".


perhaps the eastern europeans did not wish to be disturbed in thier 20p a night accomodation.

NHS Fail Wail

I think that we can all agree that the UK's response to coronavirus has been somewhat lacking. In fact, many people asserted that our de...