Friday, December 01, 2006

Grow up and have a laugh

Timmy points out that the famous British sense of humour is not actually possessed by all.
British People Against Racial Discrimination (BPARD) has launched the action with Australia’s Advertising Standards Bureau in an attempt to take off air a television beer advertisement that features an Englishman fearful of Australia’s cold. Cold beer, that is.

The advertisement claims that the brewer Tooheys’ new Supercold brand is “cold enough to scare a Pom” and features footage of an overweight, pale, balding man in a Union Jack T-shirt cringing in fear at the offer of a cold beer.

BPARD, which is run by a committee of 14 and claims to have branches in Perth and Melbourne, said yesterday through its spokesman, David Thomason: “The Oxford Dictionary classes Pom as being derogatory, just like wog, wop, dink, dago, coon and abo.”

Well, Mr Thomason, you are an insecure, humourless prick. And that's derogatory too, sonny.

There is a rather good Flanders and Swann song which I deem rather apt for this case.
Michael Flanders: "Well, the moment has come, and none too soon; we have a song here which, I think, fills this long-felt want [for an English National Anthem] and I hope that all true-born English men and women in our audience will join in the last chorus. And if you don't have the good fortune to be English true-born, or a man, or a woman, I hope you'll join in as an ordinary mark of simple decent respect. This song starts with, I think, a very typical English understatement."

The English, the English, the English are best
I wouldn't give tuppence for all of the rest.

The rottenest bits of these islands of ours
We've left in the hands of three unfriendly powers
Examine the Irishman, Welshman or Scot
You'll find he's a stinker, as likely as not.

Och aye, awa' wi' yon Edinburgh Festival

The Scotsman is mean, as we're all well aware
And bony and blotchy and covered with hair
He eats salty porridge, he works all the day
And he hasn't got bishops to show him the way!

The English, the English, the English are best
I wouldn't give tuppence for all of the rest.

Ah hit me old mother over the head with a shillelagh

The Irishman now out contempt is beneath
He sleeps in his boots and he lies through his teeth
He blows up policemen, or so I have heard
And blames it on Cromwell and William the Third!

The English are noble, the English are nice,
And worth any other at double the price

Ah, iechyd da

The Welshman's dishonest and cheats when he can
And little and dark, more like monkey than man
He works underground with a lamp in his hat
And he sings far too loud, far too often, and flat!

The English, the English, the English are best
So up with the English and down with the rest.

And crossing the Channel, one cannot say much
Of French and the Spanish, the Danish or Dutch
The Germans are German, the Russians are red,
And the Greeks and Italians eat garlic in bed!

The English are moral, the English are good
And clever and modest and misunderstood.

And all the world over, each nation's the same
They've simply no notion of playing the game
They argue with umpires, they cheer when they've won
And they practice beforehand which ruins the fun!

The English, the English, the English are best
So up with the English and down with the rest.

It's not that they're wicked or naturally bad
It's knowing they're foreign that makes them so mad!

For the English are all that a nation should be,
And the flower of the English are Donald (Michael)
Donald (Michael) and Me!

And since we are the best, Mr Thomason, we do not need to defend ourselves against the Aussies, OK? You don't speak for me or any other stout bulldogs, you cunt; fuck off.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Oh is that all the ad was? I was expecting something offensive. Sounds quite funny to me (and I'm English).

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