After years as a police officer, I have long given up expecting people to act in a certain way—women to behave with decorum, parents to look after their children.
Take a call I had recently. 'A 12-year-old girl has been missing for a few days,' said my radio. 'Please attend the address.' I tried to get the details from her mum and mum's partner but this was a bit difficult over the noise of daytime television.
I wasn't getting anywhere so I set off. My first call was to the girl's school—and there she was. I returned to the house—some 800 yards from the school. 'She's at school, she's fine,' I said.
'That's no good,' said her mum, one eye on the TV. 'I want her back here.'
'How about nipping up there to see her yourself?'
'I haven't got a car', she replied.
'Well, the school is only up the road.'
'You could walk.'
'I'm registered disabled. Look,' she continued, as though speaking to an idiot. 'She could be out there being abused right now. I want her back here. It's your responsibility if she gets abused.'
She shut the door in my face. I collected the girl and brought her home. 'Could you please ensure she doesn't run off in the future?' I asked.
'No,' said her mum. 'I can't do nothing about it. I'm not stopping in all night.'
'But you're registered disabled,' I said. 'Where are you going?'
'So if she goes again will you call the police?'
'Yes, it's your responsibility.'
Next time you get burgled, you know where to find me: I'll be out looking for children whose parents can't be bothered to look for them themselves.
If I win the Lottery, I think that I might buy myself a nice island, move there and never read a newspaper again. As I keep saying these days, the one constant assault on my (yes, OK, qualified) libertarianism is the stupidity and boorishness of people in general.
Mind you, perhaps I could just buy a nice deep mineshaft and shove pieces of cunt-filth, like that scummy, awful bitch, down into its dark depths...