Saturday, September 30, 2006

Swearblogger Roundup #1

Hmmm, not as many nominations as I'd like for the Roundup, but if we can get some more next week, that would be good. I have widened the remit so that it is essentially like the Bloody Devil, i.e. awarded to bloggers "who fisk objects of public derision but who also pepper the post with gratuitous but intensely satisfying insults". In other words, gratuitous swearing, whilst desirable, is not compulsory.

But let's face it, there can be few objects of greater derision than John Prescott, which is why this Numberwatch post is really rather beautiful. An exerpt:
He is a man of monumental stupidity and towering vanity, but with a bottomless well of congenital cunning that kept him afloat in the political sewage.

Well, quite and, talking of sewage, Matthew Sinclair ponders the rumour that Osama Bin Laden may have died of typhoid.
Osama bin Laden liked to eat shit; contaminated water is the usual cause of Typhus but surely bin Laden was rich enough to afford iodine tablets?

Go and read the rest: there's little swearing but some frankly unpleasant mental imagery.

This article by War Nerd, on the situation in Afghanistan, is just beautiful in its understated offensiveness.
If your exterminator says he just killed 200 rats down in the basement, is that good news or bad news?

On the one hand, it's good those rats are dead. On the other hand, I thought we got rid of them years ago, and now there's hundreds? What's going on?

That's the Big Question everyone should be asking in Afghanistan. NATO's claiming we killed 500 Taliban near Kandahar this month. That's a mighty impressive body count, sure, but if Nam taught us one thing, it's that body counts are a bad sign. For all sorts of reasons, starting with basic common sense: if we're killing that many, how many more are running around out there?

Vernon Robinson, a coloured gentleman who is running for senator gets down and dirty with his campaign videos.

The Longrider is mightily annoyed—and rightly so—that the police have decided to ask permission before arresting any Muslims.
So craven have the snivelling, traitorous, cowardly, jackanapes in power become in their anxiousness to display their dhimmitude, that they have set up an Islamic quango to check for them whether the police have sufficient evidence to carry out a raid that involves Muslim suspects. Jesus H Christ on a pogo stick!

Mr Eugenides is pissed right off at the balls-up that is the NHS database: Accenture have walked away so the whole thing is mightily screwed (more so than it was).
Patsy, at least, has a track record in this department - bailing out Rover just before the 2005 General Election just to keep it open until the polls had closed... Her head should have been welded into a car door for that; instead, she was promoted to health.

Timmy's fisk of Falconer deserves to be in here simply because it does.

Bawbags is not a fan of the Cosmic Rough Riders. At all.
What the fuck? I mean really, what the fucking fuck? I thought the dude was meant to be a rock singer? But there he is, chumming it up with fucking DLT. If he had any stones, he'd have gone down there, got ripped off his tits on whisky and cheapo speed, knocked that hairy dobber the fuck out, then layed down some tracks while getting ravenously blown by Travis' 21 year old Polish housekeeper.

You may have heard that Bertie Ahern, the Irish Taoiseach, has been having a few financial worries: Twenty Major tells it like it is in a post entitled, Resign Ahern, you cunt.
I don't believe him. I don't believe his story. I'm now sick to the fucking back teeth of the horseshit we're fed week in week out by this government who consistently fuck us all in the arse with absolute impunity and have steadfastly remained exempt from punishment. They do what they want and the consequences are almost non-existent.

I don't know whether it is comforting that other countries' leaders are all as corrupt and useless as the bunch of total shitheads that rule us, frankly.

Never mind, here's Noreen to cheer us up!
It's Ramadan - yawny yawny cunt cunt. All the muslims are wandering about with faces like slapped arses, rubbing their necks and looking miserable

Unity rips Jack Straw's Conference speech into tiny little pieces in no uncertain terms.
What the fuck are you on about, Jack???

And remember, this is a card-carrying member of the Labour Party here.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Mr Angry is.. well... pretty hacked off with his estate agents.
I’m not going to swear, I promise.

At no point will I refer to those cunty fucking shysters in derogatory terms.

Pigdogfucker is really pissed off with football-supporting spics.

The Daily Mail tendency, perversely, kicks seven shades of shit out of The Grauniad's coverage of Princess Toni's speech.
o just to reiterate that everyone is a viable target for The Daily Mail Tendency I though I would flag this humdinger of an article in The Guardian. And by humdinger I mean shameless pile of nauseatingly brown nosing wank. Just to clarify terminology.

And he's at it again, laying into Alan Johnson, at The Appalling Strangeness.
Blair can't even manage the finances of his own party - how the frig fuck is he going to cope with the hideously complex issues of the Middle East?

The Ranting Guttersnipe has committed Part 1 of his fisking of Blair's speech: apparently this is going to take a while (and several posts).
Yeah… you’d have taken parliamentary debate, wiped your holier than thou fucking arse with it and flushed it down the bog with your Legislative Reform Bill and European Consti-fucking-tution as well.

Believe me, I am really looking forward to the rest of this one…

Allan has some good suggestions as to how NuLabour Ministers might kill themselves.
How about Peter Mandelson jumping rectum first into a skip full of rusty scissors…


The Reactionary Snob is succinct about Reid and Straw.

Still, we wouldn't want to be accused of being partisan, eh? So here's The Remittance Man on Spam Cameron.
... be PROUD. Be RADICAL. Be HONEST. But for fuck's sakes BE A BLOODY CONSERVATIVE.

And that concludes the first Swearblogger Roundup. Your humble Devil would appreciate a few more nominations, especially from outside the usual circle (as I tend to link to them throughout the week anyway). Please send any nominations that you have throughout the week to: swearblogger[AT]gmail[DOT]com

Valete!

2 comments:

Mr Eugenides said...

In fairness, that's not a bad crop to be getting on with.

Oh, and don't sign off your posts with Latin, all those state school types will be confused.

The Remittance Man said...

It's not just the state school oiks who are confused. What about the boys who played for the First XV?

NHS Fail Wail

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