This news article does prompt the question "Which celebrities would you most like to see attempting brutal self-murder, and how?".
I'll start the ball rolling - I'd like to see Courtney Love attempt to beat herself to death with a hair drier, and I'd also enjoy watching Adam Sandler try to repeatedly run himself over with a tractor.
Any suggestions yourself?
Yes, several actually; unfortunately Timmy has snaffled my first choice.
Polly Toynbee immolating herself on the pile of fivers that represent the extra tax she insists that everyone should pay but that she herself, somewhat oddly, does not send into the Treasury voluntarily.
So, how about The Gobblin' King covering himself in petrol, collecting the tax personally, setting himself on fire and then attempting to piss on himself to put it out? Or maybe trying to hammer a nail into his brain through his eye, forgetting that it is his glass one? Or possibly beating himself to death with his new-born child.
I'd also like to see the talentless Pussycat Dolls walking naked around the streets of Saudi, swigging Bacardi Breezers, and carrying placards bearing the legend, "The Prophet Mohammad can suck my bleeding cunt... And so can you for a only $2. Get it here!"
Anyone else got any good suggestions?