Monday, September 25, 2006

NuLabour to start compulsory brainwashing

The Grauniad is running an article, full of all the usual boilerplate bullshit, which is supposedly authored by Douglas Alexander and "Batshit Dave".
Understanding the world in which we live in order to be capable of changing the future is the task for the second generation of New Labour.

Ah. Do you see what these two bright, young things are doing here? They are positioning themselves as the only ones who can really get to grips with all this new-fangled technology, d'ye see? They are the "second generation".
If once it was "the economy, stupid", today we face "economics plus".

Or, of course, you could realise that managerialism doesn't work and just shut up and fuck off.
We must respond not just to the widely recognised challenges of globalisation but also the equally powerful force of interdependence. That means economics plus communications, plus travel, plus immigration, plus a sense of the new ways people live their lives.

Well, given that you want to remain part of the EU, you can kiss any proposed action on immigration goodbye. As for travel, communications and the way in which people live their lives, well, it's none of your fucking business, sunshine.
An interdependent world means we live in communities more diverse and exciting than our parents could have predicted. But it also brings new challenges around immigration and security.

Really.
We have to work harder at creating a culture of shared values which can balance the beliefs of each with the good of all.

Look, you fucking nutjobs, you cannot create a culture and nor is it your job to try, as Timmy points out:
Err, you see it as your job as a politician, a hireling of the citizenry, to brainwash people into a certain cultural pattern? Bugger off laddie. You're there to do only those things that we cannot handle ourselves, only those things that must be done collectively and with the monopoly powers of the State. Culture and shared values are what we already have, not things for you to invent or impose.

Managerialism really isn't the way to go, boys; especially as NuLabour seem to be quite uniquely inept at it. And, as Chris Dillow points out, this is a managerialist attitude in at least three ways.
  1. The presumption that governments have the power to create culture, that governments can do anything if only they work hard enough.

  2. The failure to describe precise mechanisms. How exactly do you create a shared culture? You can't do so merely by exposing people to the same teachers and friends. If you could, David's culture and mine would be much more similar than they are.

  3. The under-valuing of traditional professional skills. If you want to improve education, why not hire good teachers and give them the autonomy to pursue professional standards? Why drone on about culture?

The tragedy here is that David probably doesn't realize just how ideological, how contestable, his rhetoric actually is.

Contestable and contemptable actually. I'd love to punch Miliband in his grinning fizzog, really I would; I think that it is something about his frog-like mouth that really pisses me off.
The countries that succeed in the 21st century will be empowered societies - creative in their application of knowledge, open and meritocratic in their social structures, pluralistic in their systems of power, and globally linked at the level of citizen, city and government.

Is that so? Got a fucking crystal ball, have you? Can you tell me how many of those ideas apply to, say, China (which seems to be doing rather well at present)? As for being "globally linked", you haven't got a fucking clue how that works, have you? Miliblogger's laughable attempts to "connect" have ended in ignominious failure: the Environmental Wiki was utterly fucked by his gross stupidity (was that "security" issues you were talking about up there, Davey?) and his so-called "blog" is a laughing stock and sodding boring to boot.
New Labour has been good at paying teachers and nurses and police more.

And achieved what, precisely? A reduction in productivity (1.6% per year in the NHS (PDF)); a massive bill for taxpayers; police caught up in red tape; the increasingly creaking NHS; a higher average wage in the state sector (wealth consumption) than in the private sector (wealth creation). Nice one.
But we have to do more to make public servants feel like social entrepreneurs with the power to reshape lives.

How about simply insisting that they do the fucking job that they are paid to do and, if they don't, sacking them?
Education should always be the priority of a progressive party. Britain needs to develop a learning culture built around the idea of a personalised curriculum designed to discover individual talent. That requires an education plan that rethinks what is taught, when, to whom and where.

Fucking hallelujah! And you plan to do that how? Will it be by unshackling it from the dead managerial of the state? Will it fuck. It'll be more league tables, targets and five year fucking plans, won't it?
New Labour has been more successful than any government since 1960 in reducing poverty.

Really? Measured how, exactly? I can't find the link at present, but I seem to remember a report indicating that, in terms of disposable income, people had actually become poorer.
But we have to do more to improve life chances. Inequality of opportunity still scars our communities.

Well, certainly, social mobility has decreased under NuLabour. Perhaps you should read some sensible comment and work out why this is (hint: yes, edcation has a lot to do with it).
New Labour has kept inflation and interest rates low...

New Labour has changed the way that inflation is measured; under the old system of measurement (which included house prices and energy costs), inflation is reckoned to be running at between 8% and 15%. But according to Brown's new system, inflation is only about 2.5%.

So, naturally, interest rates are low; the traditional way to combat inflation is to raise interest rates—making borrowing more expensive—and so it is no surprise that, being informed that inflation is low, the Bank of England have kept interest rates down. Were we to switch back to the old system of measurement, I rather think that we would see interest rates spiralling pretty fucking quickly.
... and broken the link between economic growth and carbon growth.

Really? So you are saying that our carbon emissions did not rise at all last year? Well, that is a lie. But then, since the economy didn't grow by much last year—I would describe the growth rate as "pitiful" myself—then maybe the carbon growth wasn't too bad.
But we have to match a concern for social justice with a commitment to environmental sustainability.

Look, you stupid fucking knob, how about you find out about the various private initiatives on that front before you start pontificating and legislating, you lackwit bumpkin? This, ladies and gentlemen, is the Minister for the Environment who is fucking ignorant about wave power: apparently he is ignorant of the fact that there has been at least one wave power installation attached to the National Grid since the year 2000.
Finally, New Labour has been good at responding to crises and understanding the public mood.

Yeah, they've been fucking brilliant at that, oh yes. Those two million marching through London against going to war in Iraq: you understood that, didn't you? Until those, the biggest demonstration in the last couple of decades was that against the hunting ban: you really undertstood that one as well, didn't you? Oh, yes, and the public being fed to the back teeth with sleazy, corrupt politicians: yup, you really nailed that one, for sure.

How can you be this deluded?
But we need to do more to develop a different sort of politics and government, where citizens become players and not just spectators. Our commitment to equal participation by all needs not just strong cities but strong citizens, rethinking where power over legislation, finance and services lies.

And all of your legislation has been bent towards that, hasn't it just? And your failure to understand blogging has been really encouraging too.
Our opposition may recognise these concerns but they cannot offer solutions.

Oh, really?
Exhortation is not enough to bring about work-life balance...

My work-life balance is precisely that: mine. I don't have a wife or children and precisely how long I spend with my darling pub every day and how long I spend at work is my business and not yours. Besides, you are hedging now; you know as well as I do that you do not control how many hours I work: the EU does. So fuck you and your work-life balance, you work-shy creep.
... or fight climate change: both need active government.

You carry on believing that, sunshine.
Euroscepticism makes it harder, not easier, to tackle issues such as asylum or international crime.

What? You have no control over asylum or immigration and that is because Britain is part of the EU. Okay? For fuck's sake.
The voluntary sector is important, but it will thrive as an ally of, not an ideological alternative to, public provision. New Labour has been good at telling people to modernise.

What if they don't want to? Are you going to force them? Or is it more likely that the market will force them?
Now we need to practise what we preach.

You're not wrong. Need we go through all of the IT disasters that you pricks have presided over? Fuck you.
There has been a lot of debate about what Tony Blair's legacy could be.

It's the 3Fs: Fascism, Fuck-ups and Failure.
We believe it must include a Labour party that wins a fourth term, a Labour party whose progressive ideas dominate the 21st century. That's what would continue to transform the lives of people in Paisley, South Shields and elsewhere whom we seek to represent.

Well, you've done a bang up job so far, you stupid cunts.

God, I hate you.

6 comments:

Mr Eugenides said...

It takes a special kind of skill to make meaningless platitudes so unbelievably objectionable; but they manage it.

Monty said...

"Finally, New Labour has been good at responding to crises and understanding the public mood."

In fairness, they did not say which crises (it could have been Lord Levy's swift fundraising efforts to bail out Labour's finances in return for...) and maybe they did understand the public mood - but just decided to ignore it :o)

Anonymous said...

My reaction:
[python]That's not an argument - it's just a series of unsupported assertions.[/python]

I think they just have a computer to churn this stuff out, like the postmodernism generator.

[re Blair's legacy]
"It's the 3Fs: Fascism, Fuck-ups and Failure."

You missed the fourth F: Fraud.

Works for Clinton too, if you substitute Fellatio for one of the Fs.

dearieme said...

"in order to be capable of": what do you suppose that their mother-tongues is?

Prodicus said...

Delicious. Delightful. Damned good. Please will you leave UKIP and write a few Tory party political broadcasts? At least they have half a chance of tossing the tossers into the gutter- UKIP doesn't.

(I am about halfway through the 45 bleeding posts you put up while I was away. Dr North, Guido and the rest will have to wait.)

I got all calm and detached while travelling, being offline. Now I am bloody angry again. It feels good.

Devil's Kitchen said...

Please will you leave UKIP and write a few Tory party political broadcasts? At least they have half a chance of tossing the tossers into the gutter- UKIP doesn't.

This, of course, is my only worry; I am unsure whether I want to split the vote. But then I do really want to vote for a party that I really believe in. And my current problem is that I don't think that Spam and his crew are going to be any better than the current lot.

DK

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