Friday, August 04, 2006

Look, will you drink fascists, please, just fuck off?

Earier today, the poor, little Greek boy looked at the definitions of binge-drinking; by this definition I can think of only one person I know who is not a binge drinker (and he gets so intense at parties that everyone wishes that he was). Therefore it is with some irritation that I find, via Timmy, that the fuckers are at it again. This time, it is Preston police who have found the secret of the eeeeeevil binge-drinking.
Police in Preston, Lancashire, think it is not as simple as that. Vertical drinking, they believe, is one of the country’s main causes of public disorder and would like to see it banned in the city’s pubs.

Vertical drinking is a new term for what used to be called standing at the bar, long regarded as the natural refuelling posture. Sixteen pints of lager slip into the tanks much more easily when the gullet is erect rather than kinked by the body being squeezed into a chair like a half-shut penknife. Drinking while standing in a like-minded group, police argue, is a contributor to booze-fuelled violence.

Oh, in the name of fuck, now we aren't even allowed to enjoy our drinking any more?
Backed by the local NHS primary care trust, Preston police want a “no standing” drinking rule imposed on the city by the autumn; they want customers to be served only if they have a seat.

Oh, that'll be really popular, eh? And really enforceable too. Fucking hellski.

And, of course, since pubs will then either have to buy more seats or let fewer people into the pub, one can imagine that drink prices will go up quite substantially. And will the landlord be able to displace the quiet couple who will sit for a couple of hours with one small glass of wine each in order to accommodate and large number of gentlemen who have got a thirst on? Will we start to hear about the phenomenon of "table-blockers"?

Why don't the fucking police concentrate on enforcing the laws that we pay them to, rather than further curtailing our freedoms and then—in an extraordinarily cowardly way—get the landlords to enforce them. The police really are not doing themselves any favours, the stupid cunts.
Police in Preston already have an alcohol harm reduction and prevention team. Sergeant Andy Hobson, the team’s alcohol project manager, said: “If people are sat down there is less potential for flashpoints than with vertical drinking. This is not designed so much to affect the amount they drink; it is the proximity of other people when you are stood up, which is where the problems can start.

“People go into these places and crowd round the bars, then the next you know somebody gets a push, the pint goes over and that’s it.”

Ah yes, so the best way is to punish the innocent so that the police can stay in the station, drinking tea and eating biscuits; after all, they wouldn't want to actually wander about looking for crimes to arrest people for, eh?
Publicans have dismissed the scheme as impractical. Ryan Wood, manager of Yates’s pub, said: “They have completely missed the point. If anything it is going to cause more friction because people are not going to like being told to sit down every five minutes. It’s almost impossible to enforce.”

Well, quite.

I really wish that these doctors and bastard policemen would shut the fuck up and go back to actually doing their jobs...

9 comments:

John East said...

I'm afraid dissorder may be further increased when various bands of health and safety fascists clash on our streets. There be one lot making us sit down, and another lot making us stand up in their crusade against obesity.

It could be bloody.

Steve G said...

Trawling through the BBC archives reveals some interesting medical data.

Apparently 'Having a cigarette while drinking may reduce the effects of the alcohol, scientists suggest'; indeed, it may even be positively beneficial: People who take more risks with their health - including smoking and drinking - are less likely to develop Parkinson's disease, a study suggests, and not, rather to my surprise, just because we tend to die younger -- tobacco, booze and caffeine seem to act as prophylactics against the disease.

The BBC also provides a useful example of what the bizarre current definition of 'binge drinking' -- somehow arrived at by taking the weekly recommended maximum, dividing it by seven and multiplying it by two -- equates to; having a glass of sherry before dinner (1.5 units) and sharing a bottle of wine with her companion (4.5 units) is, for a woman (recommended weekly maximum: 14 to 21 units), a pretty serious 'binge' ('It's a binge, Jim, but not as we know it', as they probably used to say in Star Trek).

Devil's Kitchen said...

Stevie,

The beneficial effects of smoking on Parkinson's have been known for at least 12 years, although it's good to have a reference (after all, the internet has not been commonplace for 12 years).

Yes, the units definition is insane as Mr E pointed out earlier.

But, given that the health fascists think that they have won on the smoking question, this helps to support their current attack on booze.

DK

Andy D said...

Not only is drinking big and clever, it's also one of the best ways to briefly forget about New bastard Labour being in power.

chris said...

There is an obvious solution to vertical drinking ... continue until horizontal.

Lord Pasternack said...

So what do I deserve for my efforts in creating this little number, then?

Serf said...

In principle, is there any difference between Police saying that we cannot drink standing upright, so as to decrease drunken crime, and banning us all from going out after midnight, so as to stop burgulary?

Both are types of group punishment.

The Nameless One said...

How the hell am I going to be able to buy a drink if I can't stand by the bar?

What a lot of toss.

mark said...

While we may disagree with you about the smoking ban, I couldn't agree more about this. A more rational definition of binge drink is probably your entire weeks recommended in one night.

Fannies.

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