Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Bloody Devil Awards #9 and #10

Bloody Devil AwardIt has been a while, eh? The Bloody Devil award for pulling apart objects of public derision whilst using unnecessary aggression and gratuitous swearing has received a couple of nominations of late, but I did not judge the entries to be nearly offensive enough.

The first Bloody Devil went to Mr Eugenides way back in December, and the last one went to The Longrider as far back as February.

Thus it is with delight that I ressurect this entirely unnnecessary and yet vitally amusing award to a post found via The Boy: I am pleased to announce that Bloody Devil #9 goes to Surly Girl for this wonderful hatchet-job on fat-boy Rik Waller.
Rik. Rik, Rik, Rik. Let’s face the music, shall we (but let’s not dance – your heart might not stand the strain). It’s not your fame that’s preventing you from finding a lovely girl to spend your life with. You haven’t been famous since you were thrown out of ITV’s Celebrity Fit Club two years ago, for crying during the hundred metres race and refusing to stop eating chips. It’s not even your weight – there are plenty of man-mountains out there who are in happy, fulfilling relationships. I would suggest that the problem with your personal life stems more from an apparent aversion to soap, along with the petulant personality of a four-year-old who’s just been told to share his Lego, and delusions of grandeur that would have Laurence Llewellyn-Bowen feeling embarrassed for you.

A very worthy winner, I think that you will agree.

However, I would also like to add another award; this very special Bloody Devil #10 should go to Mr Angry for his entire blog which contains some of the most gratuitously offensive and amusing writing—on any subject under the sun—that I have read. However, that is not how this award works, so he wins for putting the boot comprehensively into modern artists.
Tracy Emin? Completely talentless slag. She WON an AWARD for an unmade bed covered in condoms and dirty knickers! There are students up and down the country doing just that free of charge every day. She also made an autobiographical film in 1997 called “CV (Cunt Vernacular)”, which was one word too long in my opinion.

Damien Hirst? Death-obsessed ponce. He was, at one point, the second most expensive living ‘artist’ after selling a piece called “The Physical Impossibility Of Death In the Mind Of Someone Living“. Which was basically a big pickled fish in a tank. It didn’t swim or anything. Utterly rubbish. I’d like to chop him in half, put him a tank of formaldehyde, and submit it for the Turner prize. I’d call it, “The insufferable cuntishness of modern artists“.

The whole thing is thoroughly enjoyable...

Well done to our winners, and don't forget to send your nominations to bloodydevil[AT]devilskitchendesign[DOT]com

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