A district nurse has been cleared by a court of indecent exposure after sunbathing naked in her garden.
Lynett Burgess, 55, from Llandyfriog, near Cardigan in west Wales, was filmed by a "shaken" neighbour in July 2005 and was charged by police.
The prosecution at Cardigan Magistrates Court said Ms Burgess's nude sunbathing was "not normal" behaviour.
But magistrates cleared her, adding that it was accepted she did not intend to "cause harm or distress".
Good thing too; since when do we prosecute people for not behaving normally, for fuck's sake?
The court heard that Ms Burgess's next-door neighbour Morien Jones, 34, filmed her sunbathing naked and took the video to police.
Father-of-three Mr Jones told magistrates: "I was renovating the back of my home with a local builder when Ms Burgess appeared in her garden.
"She walked back and fore completely naked - I went to get my video camera to record the incident.
Oh yeah? I suppose that you had to play it through a couple of hundred times and over the course of a few weeks in order to verify what it was that she was doing, eh?
"I have been extremely shaken by this. It has been very upsetting and worrying. I don't want to bring up my children in such an environment."
Come anywhere near Edinburgh and you'll get extremely vigourously shaken by me, you unpleasant, sack of shit. The only bad example for your children here is your appallingly disproportionate behaviour, you fucking toadying little cunt: it's people like you who make politicians think that they can barge us into a police state; fuckwits like you welcome police interference in people's lives.
In the name of all that's unholy, I know you're Welsh but couldn't you try using a modicum of sense and decency? Why not talk to her, if it upsets you that much, rather than dobbing her into the police? Ugh, you make me want to be sick.
Prosecutor Maggie Hughes said sunbathing nude "could be grossly offensive to normal decent persons in society".
She asked Ms Burgess: "What kind of kick do you get from this behaviour?"
Ms Burgess replied: "I take exception to the word kick and find you prudish."
Ms Hughes added: "I may be prudish but it's not normal for people to sunbathe in the nude."
Dear Ms Hughes, please go fuck yourself, you time-wasting arse. And try turning the lights on when fucking your husband. I find people chewing gum "grossly offensive" but I don't go complaining to the courts about it.
God, people are so fucking stupid sometimes...
UPDATE: I have been contacted by one of the parties in question, who had a complaint upheld. This reads as follows.
Mr Morien Jones
Clauses Noted: 1
Publication: The Times
Mr Morien Jones of Dyfed complained that the newspaper had inaccurately reported – and published criticism of him on the basis – that he had filmed his neighbour sunbathing naked in her own garden. In fact, his neighbour was filmed – for the purposes of providing evidence for a prosecution – when she was walking naked on and around Mr Jones’ property.
The complaint was resolved when the newspaper removed the relevant articles from the internet and published the following apology:“In articles concerning a case at Cardigan of indecent exposure (News, May 25; Comment, May 26) we reported that Morien Jones told the magistrates that he had videotaped his neighbour, Lynett Burgess, sunbathing naked in her garden. In fact the film of a naked Miss Burgess was taken while she was on Mr Jones' property, walking along the shared drive and in front of his house. No film of Miss Burgess on her own property was taken. The footage was taken by a builder who had been recording renovations to Mr Jones' house. Mr Jones had called the police because he was concerned about the effect Miss Burgess' actions were having on his three young children. We apologise for the errors and for any misleading impression given of Mr Jones.”
I am happy to publish this information.