Thursday, February 09, 2006

Random Rants: The Dull.
Incredibly, Chris and Keith managed to carry on their two distinct and disparate conversations at the same time, neither one apparently aware that the other was anything but riveted and captivated by what each was saying. The resulting conversation sounded much like two radios tuned to different, yet equally tedious stations, playing at the same time at precisely the most boring volume imaginable.
...

The human voice is a marvelous instrument, capable of a wide range of tones and pitches, so why you elect to carry out every conversation with the exact and unaltering timbre of a refrigerator motor I honestly can't say. Is the odd change in pace or word emphasis really too much to ask?

Very funny, as is his Open Letter to Skeletor. Actually, it's all pretty funny, especially the rants...

UPDATE: The Kids Outside My Local Co-op Rant.
Speaking of which, this one's specifically addressed to the girls - is it too much to ask for you to at least try to fight the urge to gob up great mouthfuls of phlegm and saliva on the area immediately surrounding the Co-op? Really, it's unpleasant enough when men spit, but there's something about seeing a spotty faced, fourteen year old girl spit that goes beyond "unpleasant" and into a realm of visual horror previously reserved for video footage of orphaned African babies dying of starvation, as dozens of flies crawl over their sunken, tear stained faces. I'm unsure if you're all suffering from some kind of over productive saliva gland, or if you've elected as one to model yourselves on Bob Carolgees' hilarious puppet sidekick, but whatever the reason help of some kind is almost certainly available on the NHS.

Solid gold, my san...

5 comments:

Mr Eugenides said...

LOL, as I believe the young people say...

Pete in Dunbar said...

The Fleshlight.

http://www.randomrant.co.uk/members/private/fleshlight.php

Two hours later and still giggling. Even the URL is funny.

Baz said...

Hey, that's my site. Well done you on having such good taste. Off to read this one now. Cheers!

Devil's Kitchen said...

Baz,

Found you years ago, well before I started blogging. Always made me laugh: I was just clearing through old bookmarks when I was reminded of you...

DK

Baz said...

Aww, that's a lovely story. In the middle of a site redesign at the minute which is proving to be a right sodding headache. Should mean I can update more regularly once it's done though.

Incidentally, I'm the Hulk to your Iron Man. I didn't expect to be the hulk.

Moonbat still loony

It's always delightful to dip into George Moonbat's nutty articles ... We cannot rely on market forces and corporate goodwill to de...