An open letter to some of my clients

Dear clients,

Firstly, if you stop breaking my workflow and wasting my time by 'phoning to ask me when you are going to get your proofs, you may well find that you will, in fact, get your work more quickly.

Furthermore, please do not write that you do not have much time to deal with the stuff that I'm sending you. This is guaranteed to annoy me intensely, especially since you are usually paying me well below the market rate and balking even at that. The result of this is that you probably have a lot more time than I do, and what you have to do* will, in fact, take less time than what I have to do. Seriously, those lines on those invoice forms, and all those boxes that you want just so, don't suddenly appear on the page by magic. And no, £10 is not enough for an invoice form; they usually take an hour so you are looking at a minimum of £35 plus VAT plus Boredom Fee.

If you really think that you can do as good a job using Word and Paint and that it will turn out how you want then, please, be my guest; in the words of Gollum, leave now and don't come back. Unless it's with a big slice of humble pie and a bigger cheque.

The general rule of thumb is that a) I am not a sodding charity, b) nor do I intend to work 18 hours a day for nothing and, c) I do incomparably better work when I am not constantly being interrupted.

Regards,

DK

* What you have to do is give me the right information, and then check it's correct on the proofs that I send you. That is what proofs are for. Don't leave it to me to realise that your event is on in January, not February, simply because I happen to realise that the days don't match the dates. That way madness lies when you realise that you have to pay twice for your printing. Check the damn proofs!