A billy goat did some rough, instant justice to the President when his motorcade stopped to refuel en-route to the eastern resorts of Nyanga. The president, popularly known as Bob got out to stretch his legs, and speak to a couple locals. He was holding a bottle of water, when a Billy goat developed a profound interest and chose to pursue it. Whilst Bob swung the bottle at the goat, it quickly and sharply pierced Bob's scrotum, and large bowel.
Sorry, I'm going to have to stop there; I'm laughing too much! Although, of course, it's actually very sad. Sad that the gost didn't disembowel the murdering, shit-faced son of Satan's foreskin, instantly killing the deeply unpleasant, meglomaniac, lunatic son of a pig-fucking whore-hag.
Mugabe's notorious bodyguards seemed unable to prevent the attack as the goat lunged towards the president, perhaps the goat should be handling his security in future. By the time they reached Christmas pass outside mutare, the President was in horrible pain and had to be rushed to a secret location in Mutare for medical treatment.
Wouldn't it be nice if the hospital had been able to refuse to treat him. After all, can the pain have been horrible enough to pay back Mugabe for the suffering that he has inflicted on his own people? Anyway, I hope that they didn't use any anaesthetic: Mugabe has done a wonderful job, in just a few years, of driving his country back to the Dark Ages. It would be only fitting if the medical facilities and methods were similarly mediaeval.
Goat (Justice): 2
Mugabe (fucking loony-tune dictator): 0