Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Last night

Last night I was filled with bile and spit. So liberating.

This morning, I'm casting around for subjects... Ah, yes, thank you, Mr FM.
The Crown Estate which owns approximately £5bn of property assets, under the 1760 agreement, gives its profits to Treasury to pay for outreach facilitators or other such Nu Labour nonsense. In return, the Crown receives Civil List payments. Now all of this is a great deal because Tax & Waste receives £170m in revenues in return for paying out a paltry £36m to the members of the Civil List.

I also happen to think that the Royal Family are a good thing, for few reasons.
  • They are a marketing asset. They bring millions—possibly billions—into the country by way of tourism.

  • They turn a profit, which is more than can be said for any government.

  • They are a PR asset. No matter which shyster we have as PM, the Queen is still there, wandering around being quietly polite.

  • They annoy the hell out of many Australians (including the one that I called a "pusillanimous, colonial cunt" in the pub the other day).

  • The idea of a President Blair, or Howard, or fucking Hattersley, makes me sick to my stomach.

  • Whilst wandering around and looking rich (always good for the country's credit rating), they have—essentially—no power over us. They are solely figureheads.

  • Phillip makes me laugh like a drain. I like to imagine the Queen egging Phillip on the night before some important reception: "Oh, go on, Phillip, you know I can't say it, but I dare you to...!" I tell you, Phillip's a really sensitive guy really; he just can't resist Brenda betting him to say something outrageous. It's a huge conspiracy, I tell you!

Now, benefits of a Republic are*...?

*Can we stop talking about ourselves as "citizens" please? We are royal, loyal subjects. Apart from Gerry Adams and his ilk, and do we really want to align ourselves with people like that**...?

**If anyone mentions Paisley, I'm going to put my fingers in my ears and hum...

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