Physician, fuck thyself

(nb. I am not the Devil's Kitchen)

This week, our nation's doctors* are taking a well-earned break on the Sussex Riviera, where they can forget about the tiresome business of healing the sick and devote a few days to their real passion—pretending to run the country. I do not exaggerate...

The Annual Representative Meeting (ARM), the BMA's key policy making forum, takes place in Brighton from 28 June to 1 July.

This year, the 'policies' that these unelectable leech-wielding fabulists wish to inflict on us have been overshadowed by the one thing that is even more important to BMA members than their war on civil society—ie. keeping their grasping hands on vast sums of taxpayer's money. 

NHS cuts 'haphazard', doctors say

Cuts in the health service are being introduced in a "haphazard" way which could harm patient care, the British Medical Association has said.

Both Mark Wallace and Richard Smith have done a fine job of exposing the pisspoor straw-poll being used by the BMA in their fight to keep their 13 year spending spree going. Smith, a former editor of the British Medical Journal, quite rightly describes the BMA as a trade union and calls its conference "an annual whinge-fest".

Most doctors earn most of their money from the NHS, and so more money for the NHS means more money for doctors – with the reverse also being true. So, the BMA must do all it can to maintain or increase resources for the NHS, and because all the funds come ultimately from the Treasury, it can do this only by keeping up a constant a constant litany on the inadequacy of resources. 

By rigging the questions and the sample, it is easy to get the answers you want. But it's less easy to fix the response rate, as people often won't bother to answer meaningless surveys. The BMA has asked the chairs of its 361 negotiating committees about cuts in the NHS. Now, who are these people? They are the local "activists". It's like asking the shop stewards of Unite what they think of British Airways...

The BMA should be ashamed to use such meaningless data, and the newspapers should learn not to report them – and I'm pleased to see that the Guardian hasn't. 

Indeed. But using meaningless data and rigging surveys—or, to call it what it is, lying to the public—is par for the course for these odious quacks; their addiction to fear-mongering deceit epitomised by former Chief Medical Officer Liam Donaldson, whose response to every health scare—from secondhand smoke to swine flu—was built on a shit-heap of demonstrable lies.

But we will have more whingeing each day until Thursday – and more next year and the year after, perhaps even ad infinitum. I suggest you ignore it.

The whingeing may go on forever, and if the BMA is intent on bullshitting the public in perpetuity, the time will surely come when everyone ignores it. The price of pretending to be in politics is to be as hated and mistrusted as politicians. If you keep lying, eventually people are going to call you out as a liar and stop listening to you.

And when the doctors have finally and irretrievably lost the public's confidence, when they have abused the last of the trust bestowed on them and when they are sat around wondering why they are now treated like a bunch of sleazy timeshare salesmen, perhaps they will reflect that it all started to go wrong when they did things like this...

Doctors will urge alcohol ban on all public transport at BMA conference

Doctors are calling for an alcohol ban on all public transport, including intercity trains and cross-Channel ferries, in an attempt to stop drunks annoying fellow passengers.

"Annoying fellow passengers"? What the fuckity-fuck has this got to with the British fucking Medical Association? Are we now openly banning things on the basis of annoyance? Because if we are, I've got a long list of suggestions I'd like to submit and meddlesome doctors are right at the top of it.

Dr Christine Robison, an anaesthetist in Edinburgh who proposed the move, said she recently had a return train trip from Edinburgh to Oxford disrupted in both directions by drunk young men and women, and football supporters, swearing, throwing beer cans, making constant noise and talking loudly about sexual behaviour, with families and children within earshot.

This is a fascinating insight into the mind of the Righteous and a prime example of the kind of anecdotal evidence that drives 'evidence-based policy' at the BMA. Because this curtain-twitching, pointy-headed, snooty, chloroform-clutching busy-body was forced to come into contact with the great unwashed for a few hours, the entire population of the country must be prohibited from having a drink on a train or ferry. 

Over my dead body. Listen up Robison, you lemon-sucking bitch, welcome to Britain. We have more than our fair share of dickheads living in these isles but we have more than enough laws to deal with those who make nuisances of themselves, including those who are drunk and disorderly. If you don't like the company in one carriage then do what I do when some twat starts listening to Cunted in Ibiza Volume 28 at full pelt on his iPod—get off your arse and go to a carriage more to your liking. 

Do not—repeat not—imagine that your personal preferences should be enshrined in law because, believe me, whatever abusive language was being used on that train will be like a fucking Elizabethan sonnet compared to the words you will hear if you and I ever come face-to-face.

"If a ban in London is working, why not extend it across the UK?"

Well, bugger me! They want to extend Boris's tube ban across the whole country. Prohibitionists using salami tactics to achieve their aims—I didn't see that one coming, did you? Now all you right-wing "libertarians" who cheered Boris on two years ago can enjoy your alcohol-free zones all the way from Inverness to Penzance. If you need any help kicking yourselves, you'll let me and DK know, won't you?

"Why should drunks be able to disturb people's journeys in that way?" she asked. 

Fuck yeah. Why can't Christine Robison be the centre of the world? Why can't the entire apparatus of the state be directed towards persecuting those who reject the ways of the Righteous? Why, indeed, can we not do what The Daily Mash suggested earlier this year?

DOCTORS have proposed a network of concentration camps to contain Britain's ghastly poor people. Frustrated by their continued awfulness, the Royal College of Physicians said the poor should be herded into long barrack huts in remote areas and surrounded by a large wooden fence so that affluent, middle class children will not be able to see them.

RCP president Professor Sir Denys Finch-Hatton said: "We've tried controlling their vileness with bans and taxes, but it's not working, so eventually we thought 'fuck it, let's just round them up'...

Norman Steele, a family doctor from Hatfield, said: "They all fight over the celebrity magazines while the untouched copy of National Geographic just sits there in the corner, staring at me as if to say 'let's run away together'.

"I dream that one day me and the National Geographic will get into my Audi, drive to the Cotswolds and set up home in a lovely little village full of rich, healthy people who will pay me a hundred grand a year to chat."

He added: "I really don't see why this has to be a big deal. It's just a few camps, a bit of barbed wire, maybe some dogs. No-one's talking about gassing anyone. Not at this stage."

As my gracious host intimated in his excellent post yesterday, few people represent a greater threat to liberty, tolerance and civility in the 21st century than the hypocrites at the British Medical Association. As if to underline the batshit craziness of the BMA's latest campaign, even the notorious fake charity shit-stick Don Shenker thinks they've gone too far.

Alcohol Concern, which campaigns to reduce drink-related harm, did not back the plan. Don Shenker, the chief executive, said: "To ban alcohol consumption across all public transport goes too far – a glass of wine or beer can be enjoyed on a long journey which will cause no disruption to anyone else."

This should really give the delegates in Brighton pause for thought. If a say-anything, do-anything temperance shill like Al Con Don thinks you've gone too far, you are not just an illiberal neo-prohibitionist bastard, you may well be seriously mentally ill. Hell's teeth, what's it going to take to make you wake up to yourselves? A pox on you all. I hope your days are short and miserable and I hope the Brighton Centre catches fire. Fuck you.

* I use the word 'doctors' in the broadest sense. Like all trade unions, the BMA is dominated by lazy, left-wing, power-crazed obsessives—possibly not a representative sample of the medical profession. But until the rank-and-file doctors speak out against the tyranny of the BMA, they're all tainted by (the) association.