Saturday, May 15, 2010

An open letter to Byrne Tofferings

Byrne Tofferings helpfully posts the Libertarian Party election results, and comments thusly...
No comment, (I’ll resist the urge to take the Michael.) but seriously chaps, shouldn’t the sensible lot of you be in a party where you can actually make an impact rather than having the same effect as the same old SWP stands we see every Saturday?

Make an impact? Go on, big man: you try converting the Tory Party to being libertarian—sorry, Libertarian. When you've done it, why not come and tell us how successful you were...?

We formed the Libertarian Party because we were sick and tired of idiots telling us that the only party to vote for was the Tories.

Don't you understand?—the Tories are not libertarians. For example, next time you find a Tory MP advocating, in public, the total legalisation of drugs, you email me—OK?

I am sick and tired of holding my nose to vote for these bastards: that's another reason why we formed the Libertarian Party.

Oh, and if all those people in this country who professed themselves to be libertarian voted for us, we wouldn't be such a small party: unfortunately, the country is populated by those, like yourself, who are all mouth and no fucking trousers, i.e. those who profess libertarianism but who are totally prepared to vote for authoritarians because you are a bunch of cowards.

Go screw yourself, big man: you might as well get your arse ready for that great, big statist cock which is going to ream you from income to capital. I wouldn't mind, but that big, fat cock that you voted for (but I didn't) is going to stretch my arsehole wide too.

But, you're right: this is just angry petulance from myself.

The only way that Britain is going to get a libertarian government is when people like you realise that the Tories are going to fuck you up the shitter just as much as Labour did—it's just that the Tories won't dress it up as your moral duty.

And one day, maybe—when that Tory slave glyph is removed from the back of your neck—you will wonder why the living shit you voted for these bastards.

Until then, the libertarian government remains a dream. But unless someone fights for that ideal, it will remain forever insubstantial and fuckwits like you, just like The Dude, are part of the problem, not the solution. Feel free to drop me a line when you discover the courage to be part of the solution.

I'll not hold my breath.

You see, Toff, for people like you, power is the be all and end all of the whole exercise. For you, as long as Your Team gets into power, that's OK. Because, of course, Your Team is less bad than The Other Team.

However, for those of us who haven't sold our souls down the fucking river, for those of us who have beliefs and principles (try a dictionary, big man: you'll find a definition there), both Your Team and The Other Team are scum; it's just that, in this case, Your Team is a little less shitty than The Other Team.

You? You are willing to sell your worthless, piece-of-shit morals down the river for a little sniff of power: after all, you might get a jolly super unpaid internship with William Hague if you are a really good boy, eh?

Gosh. I admire you so very, very much.


Devil's Kitchen said...

Ian B,

"I'm beginning to think Andrew Neil had a point."

I'll look forward to your drawing of it: tell me, will your heroine be getting fucked by just the one statist cock, or will the Statist CockMonster be making her orgasm on every one of his 83 different Dildo Cocks Of Doom?


Anonymous said...

I joined the Conservative Party to help it become more libertarian, and soon discovered that this was a futile exercise, so I quit. (Perhaps I should have screamed at them about being taken up the shitter, but I didn't think that would have quite the desired effect).

Anonymous said...

Nice one bro.

Think This said...

Just for the record quite a number of Tories have advocated legalising drugs and there are considerable numbers of Libertarian Conservatives including some MPs.

Those who advocate the legalisation of drugs include Alan Duncan and Peter Lilley

Oh and even Cameron has flirted with the idea:

So on the whole I'd say it was a lot easier to push the cause of libertarianism inside of the party which has won more elections than any other political party in the world (fact), rather than start up my own party and hope to form a government in 100 years time.

Also I would say PR or AV would make people a lot more likely to vote Libertarian rather than wasting their vote as it were.

tomsmith said...

DK, I think you might not be the right leader for the libertarian party.

Devil's Kitchen said...


I look forward to you putting forth your nomination for the AGM in November.


The Nameless Libertarian said...

Even if the Tories have some people who are borderline on drugs legalisation, they won't be a Libertarian party. Because, y'know, they are not a Libertarian party. They are, on so many levels, socially conservative.

DK's prose might be aggressive and hostile, but seriously, what else can you expect? Aside from the fact that he is DK - the original swearblogger - the frustration of having arrogant Tory cheerleaders - like the Toff - telling us we should join their party despite it not being Libertarian becomes too much to take after a while.

I support DK's leadership - not because he's flawless, but because he stands up for what he believes in. And if more of you "Libertarian" Tories and you "Libertarian" Liberal Democrats did the same, the Libertarian Party might actually be getting somewhere.

Ian B said...

Nameless Libertarian,

The harsh reality of life in 21st century Britain is that no party is going to get anywhere if its representatives sound like a twelve year old who just learned the word jamrag from Tompkins Minor.

The Nameless Libertarian said...

Ian B

No, they should - like the Prime Minister - just use the word "joke" to describe the man who later becomes his Deputy Prime Minister.

The harsh reality of modern day politics in the UK is that people seem only willing to vote for the three main parties. For things to change, that needs to change.

Supporting the Libertarian Party would be a good step in that direction.


dalethecaptain said...

Oh dear, it appears that the 'pap idol' syndrome has permeated politics. I mean, Chris has been on the Beeb, therefore now the party should be all over the red tops and the word on every single person in the green and pleasant land's lips.

As much as I love England, 99% of this country are pig shit thick, and asking people to be responsible for themselves alone is going to take probably two generations.

Unless we get in to bed with the anarchists....

Ian B said...

Hopefully one day you're going to realise that in politics, your words are your actions.

Wearysider said...

DK it's all well and good spouting off :
'and if all those people in this country who professed themselves to be libertarian voted for us, we wouldn't be such a small party'
Sure, we'll draw our own box on the ballot paper and write 'Libertarian Party' next to the box right?
Though I think it's customary to have a fucking candidate to vote for 1st, but then while in a hissy finger pointing fit that's probably also my cowardly fault because my professional and home lives don't allow for entering into politics myself.

Ramon said...

In the same way that Adam Boulton achieved the impossible, and made Alistair Campbell look reasonable and balanced, you've made Andrew Neil look, well, correct.

Devil's Kitchen said...

"IPJ was more suitable. But er, he seemed to have fell by the wayside in that little club of yours. Can't think why."

Because conspiracy theories are neither funny nor clever?


Devil's Kitchen said...


"It was just to make you feel better for a brief kick."

That is why I started this blog. Don't you get it?

How the hell have I become the online poster child for the political libertarian movement?

I started this blog as a catharsis—to vent my frustration and anger at the politicians who are ruining our lives.

Nothing about that has changed: they are still ruining our lives, and I am still angry.

I never thought that I would be in this position and I never wanted to be.

Why is it that, for this entire thread (and for much of the last couple of years) I have found myself fighting "libertarians" more than I have the left?

Why the hell do any of you care?

Because (and I am not trying to be sanctimonious here) the vast majority of those who have helpfully slung "advice" my way simply don't care enough to stand up themselves—why the hell should I be your sacrificial cow?

Why should I change my life, give up my pleasures, for this cause that you all claim to be so wedded to when most of you cannot be arsed to part with fifteen quid, or stand for position in a small party—let alone stand up and try to change anything else...?

Anyone? Bueller?


Anonymous said...

Ah whatever.

I like DK. : )

Ramon said...

Of course Roger Thornhill. Mea culpa. If only I'd referenced anal rape and littered my writing with randon CAPS. It would make things so much easier. And if 'Chris' says "we're all due it", then it must be true. He is so wise and clever.

Led said...

The whole point of illegal drugs is that the government wants taxes and control, if it can't tax or control something it must be made illegal.

Roger Thornhill said...

@Ramon : Thanks Roger, I appreciate your acknowledgement of these failings in your post.

For those of you who were wondering, that sound you heard was Ramon tipping over his king.

Anonymous said...

Fuck these naysaers. Give 'em hell, DK.

Anonymous said...

Byrne Tofferings needs to be dildo-ed in the bum until he realises that most people fucking hate cunts like him