One does wonder what the fuck is going on in Tory HQ—occasionally they mutter about personal freedom but, whenever they announce a policy, it seems to be about the Conservatives' freedom to tell us what to do.
As a case in point, let's take this little article by Tim Loughton, headlined...
Our plans for a National Citizen Service...
... are a National Fucking Disgrace? Seriously, what the hell is going on here?
Since 1997, Labour has, true to its roots, concentrated on building big government. Gordon Brown’s unremitting control-freakery has peppered public services with targets and processes, regulation and paperwork. The result has been a bigger state.
We want to reverse this.
OK, I'm not going to argue with that. So, what's your solution, Tim?
Are you, perhaps, going to roll back the big state by cutting the number of things that it tries to run, slice public spending down to sustainable levels, enact a Great Repeal Bill to restore the personal freedom and civil liberties that have been stolen from us and generally get the fuck out of our lives...?
We want to breathe new life into public services by making them more genuinely public – we want public sector workers to have a much greater say over what they do and how they do it.
What the fuck? As The Englishman says, we do not want "public sector workers to have a much greater say over what they do and how they do it"—we want public sector workers to do what we, the public, tell them to do and to do it in the way that we, the public, tell them to.
In the vast majority of cases, we'd like them to fuck off down to the Job Centre—and line up in front of the tills, not sit supine behind them.
We want to make it easier for people to contribute to the lives of their communities in the ways they see best. We want a bigger society.
Oh really? Well, what if I don't want to be part of your "bigger society", Tim? Can I opt out?
No, of course I fucking can't.
This mentality drives one of our most exciting proposals for young people—the National Citizen Service. This will offer all 16-year olds the opportunity to take part in a three-week social project in the summer after they’ve finished their GCSEs. First and foremost we want young people to experience a challenge—we’ll take them out of their comfort zones on a residential team-building course of a week or more.
Ah, you're going to offer them "the opportunity" to do this are you? When you say "opportunity", could it be that you actually mean that you are going to make it compulsory? Timmy thinks that it's entirely possible but it is certainly true that when Cameron announced this policy in a Sun article of September 2007, it was stated that it would not be compulsory in law.
Experts say that would be the wrong way to encourage the 650,000 16-year-olds each year to participate. Instead, they say the scheme should become so attractive it will become a natural part of growing up.
Employers will take note of those who include NCS work on their CV.
Oh, they will, will they? Will that be made compulsory in law? Or is it possible that employers will look at a potential employee's competence, rather than whether they have participated in the Tories' fucking Summer of Slavery.
Students will qualify for a cash award on completing their course.
Oh, I take it back—students will be paid, so it's not slavery. It will, in fact, prepare them for the world of work: it will give them the thrill of getting a paycheque that has been honestly earned!
I remember how good it felt to get my first pay packet—not only was it a reasonable sum of money but it felt amazing to know that I had earned every single penny of it through hard work and skill.
These young people will learn that hard work brings rewards!
Half of it will go to the organisation with which they worked. The other 50 per cent will be donated to a charity of the individual’s choice.
Oh, no: I was right the first time—it is slavery. Not only that, but the Tories are teaching sixteen year olds that it is wrong to work for your own profit, that it is far better and more worthy to subjugate your talent and your hard work to the will of others, and that working hard will bring no reward to themselves.
Ayn Rand would have a fucking fit. And I'm none to pleased either.
And, of course, it is a fool-proof and ostensibly worthy way of funnelling taxpayer funds into the Tories' favoured vested interests. Not the evil vested interests, you understand, but the good vested interests—like the unions.
After that they will be sent back to their own communities to consider what they think they can do to help meet their area’s needs. They will then draw up plans for social action projects which they will set up and keep going with volunteer work in the following year. This will be inspirational hard work giving every young person the opportunity to rub shoulders with others from very different walks of life and work with them to build better societies and communities.
For fuck's sake...
Equally we need to build better rites of passage for young people in this country. At the moment too many of the perceived markers for adulthood are negative – getting drunk, smoking, having underage sex – NCS is an opportunity for us to offer the youth of today an indication that society will value them by what they put in, not what they take out.
And what of the kids value of themselves? Should all of our worth be dictated by what other people think?
Unsurprisingly, I think not. But then I am pretty damn sure of my own worth.
And, given that, I cannot be bothered to look at the last two paragraphs of this boilerplate bullshit—I have better things to do with my time than to fisk, in their entirety, the stupid vacuous ideas of stupid vacuous men.
But, seriously, fucking hellski...