Butter should be banned to protect the nation's health, according to a leading heart surgeon.
Shyam Kolvekar says only radical action can save growing numbers of young adults from heart attacks and clogged arteries.
Yeah, because rates of coronary heart disease have really been spiralling recently haven't they?
Desperate times, my friends. Desperate times.
"When a patient comes to me, they have established coronary heart disease. We are the last resort."
Do you know why that is, Kolvekar? It's because you're a fucking heart surgeon. When will you doctors come to terms with the fact that in your line of work you're going encounter an unusually large number of sick people? If you don't like it, may I suggest you find a different profession, preferably one which doesn't give you a platform to spread your warped ideas?
However, his views sparked a fierce backlash from the farming industry and TV chefs.
I should bloody well think so. And which TV chef would be flying the flag of freedom here?
A spokesman for Jamie Oliver...
A fucking spokesman? He's not the Pope. Surely the man can speak for himself, or has the cat got his fat tongue?
... who has championed improved nutrition in schools, said: 'He is completely against a ban on butter. He uses butter in his recipes, for example for roasting potatoes in his Christmas programme.
'He doesn't like the whole kind of food police, we must ban everything, point of view.'
You could have fooled me. Last time I saw the mockney twat he was waddling round schools showing skinny kids what they'd look like if the government didn't ban KitKats.
Surely this is the same Jamie Oliver who wanted to ban packed lunches?
The television chef Jamie Oliver has fiercely criticised parents who feed their children "junk", describing some youngsters' diets as a crime.
He said 70 per cent of packed lunches given to schoolchildren were "disgraceful" and he would like to see them banned.
And didn't he want to ban 'junk food' advertising?
Oliver also called for a ban on junk food advertising for children and in the new programme tells Tony Blair that a voluntary code sounds "a bit wet".
And surely, above all, he was the figurehead for the campaign to ban a huge range of food and drink from school canteens?
Secondary schools are banned from serving chocolate, crisps and sugary drinks under a new obesity crackdown introduced today.
From this term, all state secondaries in England are required to provide healthy menus introduced in the wake of a high-profile campaign by Jamie Oliver, the television chef.
Under guidelines, junk food is banned from vending machines and tuck shops while salt must be removed from canteen tables.
And when it transpired that kids didn't want to eat his boiled vegetables, wasn't he quite keen on banning children leaving school at lunch-time?
Jamie Oliver says a ban on Denbighshire pupils leaving school for lunch could help promote healthy eating.
So what's the matter, Oliver, has the prohibitionist beast finally turned on you? Perhaps you thought that by cosying up to the food fascists, they might turn a blind eye to your own pleasures. Well think again, fatso. Your chickens are coming home to roost.
So who the hell is Dr. Shyam Kolvekar anyway, and how have his foul opinions found their way into the national press? Who could possibly want to ban butter?
Mr Kolvekar's comments were issued by KTB, a public relations company that works for Unilever, the maker of Flora margarine.
Words fail me. They really do.