Monday, September 28, 2009

Windows Ads and Apple fans

Stuart Sharpe approvingly quotes Charlie Brooker's article on how much he hates Mac users (yes, another one).

Well, this Mac fanboi far prefers a CleverSimon article that highlights the idiocy of Brooker's argument. [Emphasis mine.]
But that’s the thing. I’ve never met one of these “eerie replicant Mac monks” Charlie Brooker is bitching about. I’ve never known anyone, online or off-, who considered a Macintosh purchase a “spiritual choice.” In fact, I’ve never once encountered an Apple zealot half as frothy-mouthed as the jackasses who jump on every opportunity to take cheap shots at Apple products and their users.

Charlie Brooker’s thesis is “I hate Windows, but I hate strawmen Mac evangelists more, so I’m going to marinate in my misery just to stick it to these imaginary fanboys. I’m unhappy and unproductive, and I’m going to stay unhappy and unproductive—that’ll show ‘em.

Well, your humble Devil is perfectly happy for Brooker to stay stewing in his Windows hell and—let's face it—I entirely endorse everything that the man says about the hell that is Microsoft's flagship operating system (especially since I seem to have become the designated office Mr Fixit of late).

But, as CleverSimon points out, Charlie Brooker's irrationality is screamingly evident.
Finishing the sentence “I’ll never buy a Mac because” with anything but “it doesn’t meet my needs” means you don’t get to accuse Apple users of making irrational purchasing decisions based on slavish adherence to an ideology.

Quite.

Now, I'm quite sure that many people will accuse me of taking Brooker too seriously or of being a biased Mac fanboi but, frankly, that doesn't alter the fact that Brooker's article invokes a strawman so huge that it might as well be twenty feet tall, full of chickens, pigs and Scottish policeman and burning on a remote Scottish island.

Having said that, I'm entirely with Charlie as regards the Windows 7 Launch Party adverts...
It's so terrible, it induces an entirely new emotion: a blend of vertigo, disgust, anger and embarrassment which I like to call "shitasmia". It not only creates this emotion: it defines it. It's the most shitasmic cultural artefact in history. Watch it for yourself.

Alternatively don't: you may need to scrub your eyeballs after watching the hideous ethnic and age-gap spanning grab-bag of sinister fuckers in that video. Just imagine that they are planning a sex-party. Trust me, it wil be less creepy and repulsive. Although not much, I'll admit.

Who the fuck is handling the Microsoft ad account? They should be shot, their building burned to the ground and the entire place sowed with salt. I mean, it's not only the cringe-making Windows 7 parties but (as I have mentioned before) also—as we approach the final quarter of two thousand and nine—the continual radio adverts for Office 2007.

What the fuck is going on at Microsoft? Are they trying to kill the company...?

15 comments:

Stu said...

Ah, I was going on the basis that Charlie Brooker is a wind-up merchant and almost definitely being rude about Mac users to provoke an outraged chorus of objections. I can just see the evil little grin appearing on his face as he types... :)

Gordon Is A Moron said...

I'll take anything that lets me get on the internet and fuck about with blogs, to be honest!

Quiet_Man said...

Rant all you want, I still wouldn't have a Mac if you paid me, way too limited in the gaming dept.

FS said...

That video is so hilariously bad that it must be a deliberate attempt to get some viral marketing going. It must be.

good grief said...

This just in: "Charlie Brooker Exaggerates Things and Sometimes Makes Stuff Up".

BTW "Mac Fanboi who is always going on about his OS purchase when the rest of us just use whatever OS happens to be in front of them without making a big deal out of it" = "eerie replicant Mac monk"

Anonymous said...

I felt sick watching that.
John Gibson

LH said...

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE LET SOMEONE DO A PORN VERSION OF THAT AD.

Jackart said...

http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=2098&Itemid=81

Had to be done...

Neuroskeptic said...

Charlie Brooker's Law : If you take something Brooker says seriously and disagree with it you are an idiot twice over. Because he is always right, despite always taking the piss.

countdruncula said...

The origins of this monumental clusterfuck are to be found in the various open source release parties that have become de rigueur over the years for some of the bigger projects. Thing is, the latter actually have reason to gather, as a community, and mark the passing of a milestone of working together to create something. Quite how this is meant to transfer into having yet another load of unspeakable shit plop from Microsoft's arse, I'm not quite sure.

Francis Turner said...

The reason why I don't join the Cult of Jobs is that a) while most things are nice and easy there always seems to be one thing that _ought_ to be easy but which turns out to be next to impossible even after following all the instructions on various websites and sacrificing the neighbour's cat at midnight* and b) Apple lock you in something horrid so that you can't choose an alternative if Apple don't want to permit it.

Not you understand that I have much truck for Windows either - I have a windows XP VM for those odd times when I really have to run the beast's software but I do the rest on linux - which is a damn pain at times but at least is penetrable if you look hard enough.

*Or at least that's been my observation of other's with Macbooks

Alfred of Wessex said...

I won't buy an Apple computer ...

because I cannot afford one.

So I 'll just have to keep my XP one going for as long as possible ... until Kubuntu does everything Windows does without my having to faff about configuring it to look in repositories a-z before I can listen to music, watch videos, etc.

Angry Exile said...

The problem with Apple is that they make better computers, and I think they're convinced this means they walk on fucking water and never ever have a single one go wrong. The aggro I'm having with them over one product, which I'm certain they could fix with a component costing a couple of cents if they just admitted their QC isn't fucking perfect, is taking the shine off owning others and putting me off buying more. They couldn't sell me Apple Care for a dollar when they refuse to believe the fucking $2000 computer is faulty, and with that attitude I'll stick with my Nokia rather than get an iPhone at any price. Without doubt Apple have the most stand out shithouse customer service I've had in the last few years. And the Mighty Mouse is a piece of shit too. Bastards!

Devil's Kitchen said...

Exile,

Given that Apple top the customer service ratings for computer manufacturers, imagine how bad the others must be...

As a matter of interest, what is the problem?

DK

Angry Exile said...

DK, they may top the customer service ratings for the industry, and having dealt with HP and Dell in the past I believe it. But so what? If it just means 'best of a bad bunch' it's not much to write home about. Someone has to be the cleanest and least disease ridden crack whore as well, but before I'd be interested I'd need to have a terrible case of blue balls and have recently been caught shoplifting in Tehran for the second time.

The problem is an intermittently unresponsive / over sensitive trackpad and keyboard. The cursor sometimes lags half a second behind trackpad inputs, especially two finger scrolling for some reason, and the keyboard sometimes acts as if keys are being held down or just misses keystrokes completely. That last bit is sometimes my crap typing but it happens more on the MacBook than my Mac Pro. Or for that matter the HP shitebook the Macbook replaced. And sometimes both keyboard and trackpad accept no inputs at all, though plugging in an external mouse and keyboard works. A new keyboard/trackpad/topcase worked for about a month and then it went back. They then replaced the battery for some reason, which worked for about an hour and a half - which means fuck all with an intermittent fault. They then said they were going to replace the logic board, by which time I'd done some googling and found a number of other Macbooks that have had the same problem were fixed with various Heath Robinson efforts of taping something on a ribbon cable behind the battery. From what I can tell the ribbon cable is retained when the keyboard/trackpad/topcase is replaced and it didn't look like they'd change it with the logic board either. But at this point it all became moot because they said the machine had had coffee spilt on it and wouldn't do anything without me paying for it. The coffee mark they pointed out had been there when it was delivered, and since I bought it as an Apple refurbished I said nothing at the time because it's bloody refurbed - they say on the website there may be minor cosmetic marks.

The situation now is that I ring Apple Customer Relations and the person I'm dealing with is generally unavailable and fails to return the call. I'm now convinced they're stalling me until it's a year old and they can tell me to fuck off with impunity. Takes the gloss of being an Apple user for five years. I thought I'd get a badge or something, not blanked for daring to complain. For the most part Apple make damn good products and they're a pleasure to use - good enough for me to have completed the transition from PCs to Mac by replacing the HP shitebook with this Macbook. But I reckon they've developed an unrealistic belief in their own infallibility along with it, and an attitude of 'it can't be the product or the QC, so what's the customer done to it'. In turn that's changed my attitude - I haven't bought Apple Care for it because they'd tell me the same thing they're saying now. Kerching, Apple, that cost you $500. The missus wanted iPhones to replace our ancient Nokia bricks, but guess what? We bought new Nokias instead. Kerching Apple, that's over a thousand bucks. Yes, even though Nokia are apparently a bunch of cock sockets who can't be arsed to support OS X properly. I'm going to be in the market soon for an ultra light laptop for travelling soon - actually I could justify buying it tomorrow but I was hoping Santa would be oblige - but right now I'm so over Apple and so anti PC that my wallet is staying firmly shut, and the fat old bugger can jam it up Rudolph's clacker for all I care. Fuck it, I'll manage. Kerching, another couple of grand. As long as Apple are treating me like a careless prick I don't see why they should get another cent out of me.

Rant over. Apologies for the length, but I'm saying it how I see it. Apple products are good. But not as good as they seem to think they are.

PS And I really mean it about the Mighty Mouse. A 90s style trackball dust magnet on the fucking top of an otherwise optical mouse? What the fuck were they smoking when they thought that was a good idea?