Friday, August 28, 2009

You don't say!

(nb. I am not the Devil's Kitchen)

From the Department of the Bleeding Obvious comes a "news story" of truly stupefying banality:
English turn to booze on holiday

And in other news, the Pope kisses runways and wears a silly hat. 
English holidaymakers are turning to drink on their breaks with the average adult consuming eight alcoholic drinks a day, a survey suggests.

Good for them. Let's hope they enjoy their holiday and that, just for a few days, they can forget about the hideous scheming puritans who were waiting for them back home.
The Know Your Limits campaign survey found that on an average day on holiday, beer drinkers drank five pints, wine drinkers had four glasses of wine, and those who prefer spirits had five mixer drinks, such as vodka and coke.

So not an average of eight drinks a day, then? Or did you mean 8 units a day? Come on Beeb, if you're going to rewrite press releases, at least try to use some coherent figures.

And who or what is the Know Your Limits campaign and why are they spunking money away on this pitiful garbage?

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Know Your Limits alcohol campaign launched by government

Quel surprise. 'Tis our very own Department of Health and the money being spunked away is our own. How lucky we are, as a nation, that there is nothing more pressing for public money to be spent on. Remind me, how is that cure for cancer going?
But 70% of the 3,500 adults questioned by the Department of Health said they plan to make September the "new January" by cutting back.

Did they actually say they planned to make September "the new January" or is this some inane phrase that the DoH is desperately trying to crow-bar into common usage?
But most people plan to curb their drinking over the next month.

That is self-evident. If people drink more whilst on holiday, they will - by definition - drink less when they are not on holiday. Not quite the concerted drive towards temperance that this article might lead you to believe.
Public health minister Gillian Merron said it was all too easy to slip into the habit of drinking too much on holiday.

"And it's always hard to get back into a normal routine."

What utter rubbish. All it takes is the ability to tell the difference between being at a pool-side bar in Tenerife and being in an office in Basingstoke. And that is something us little people are quite capable of doing, thanks. 
"But we should try to use September as the new January and make a pledge to be a little more healthy."

Oh, piss off you stupid woman and take your "new January" with you. Who is this bitch anyway? I thought chirpy scouser Andy Burnham was the minister for Health. Do we really need a minister for public health as well? Time to swing the axe at the DoH, I reckon.
Don Shenker, chief executive of Alcohol Concern, said it was great news that many people were considering more moderate drinking following some overindulgence.

Ah, the ubiquitous Don Shenker. If only this bastard would take a holiday. It's "great news", is it Don? Great news that we manage to get out of the habit of drinking Sex on the Beach and staying up dancing all night once we get back to Britain? What a contemptuous, patronising little man you are. I can only think of one person I hate more than you...
Professor Ian Gilmore, president of the Royal College of Physicians and chair of the UK Alcohol Health Alliance...

Speak of the Devil.
...called the figures "stark" and were a reminder that people need to keep an eye on how much they are drinking.

"Stark"?! What's stark about them? Seriously, what the buggery-fuck are these people talking about? This is not a news story. This is not even a foot-note to a news story. Why is the BBC even covering this bollocks?
"When people are asked how much they drink, we know that they think of an ordinary week rather than one that includes a holiday or other special occasion."

What do you expect?!!! What, Gilmore, would you prefer them to do? Base their average week's drinking on the heaviest drinking week of the year? Hell's teeth, man, what are you gibbering about?

This is the non-story of the year and will, of course, be met with scornful mirth by any right-thinking person. But there is a serious point. Aside from the scandal of even one penny of taxpayers' money being spent on this bullshit, it is yet another example of the "issue" of alcohol being kept in the public eye in the most spurious way.

I mentioned recently how an assortment of fake charities and government departments have spent the summer pumping out nonsensical and meaningless press releases which the lazy media, and the Bolshevik Butt-fucking Corporation in particular, have been happy to regurgitate. 

This is not a coincidence, this is a co-ordinated effort which, I suspect, will come to a head when MPs return to Parliament in October. At every turn there is Don Shenker, Ian bastard Gilmore and all the rest of the tax-it, ban-it, cover-it-up brigade. There is definitely something afoot.

19 comments:

JuliaM said...

"At every turn there is Don Shenker, Ian bastard Gilmore and all the rest of the tax-it, ban-it, cover-it-up brigade. There is definitely something afoot."

I'm afraid I agree. I wish I knew just what...

FS said...

My money is on:

1. Health warnings on all bottles

2. Minimum pricing

3. Total advertising ban

4. Outdoor drinking ban

5. Drinking age raised to 21

6. Pictures of diseased livers on bottles

In that order, interspersed with regular tax hikes.

astateofdenmark said...

That's the funniest blog I've read in ages. I'm off to Egypt tomorrow and despite it being an Islamic country, the resort has as much local brew as you can manage. All free in the all-in deal.

As to keeping an eye on what you're drinking, this is very sensible normally, otherwise some prick might nick it.

Beware of Geeks bearing GIFs said...

No doubt the puritanical fuckwits will start to once again redefine the "unit" and we'll all be classed as alcoholics.

I swear, if I meet with someone that works in the policy area of these so called fake charities/lobby groups, I will make it a rule to start punching them in the face as hard as I can.

Dick Puddlecote said...

Indeed.

It has been a summer of drip drip anti-alcohol nonsense. Gilmore and Shenker have been working in shifts.

Early August was a biggie, when the temperance movement decided to re-write history by rubbishing a 1995 study which they had been party to publishing.

No new evidence or research for their claims, just an assertion that the current guidance is wrong.

Because they say so.

They have long since learned that science is no longer needed, merely dull-eyed acceptance from the easily-brainwashed, facilitated by a compliant BBC, and acted on by fuckwitted MPs.

tipple said...

I've just visited my doctor for the first time in six months. The 'Waiting Room' has had an overhaul. A spanking new little plasma telly adorns the wall next to the information leaflets. All the chairs now face the telly. As I sat with my young daughter waiting to see the doctor I was berated with a constant barrage of psuedo documentry style information on how to spot CANCER! Every one of these totally depressing films suggested I stop smoking & drinking, hammering it home again & again, hammering & hammering!

Cunts! I'll take a fuckin' hammer with me next time.

Wossat? said...

One of the biggest hard drinking bastards I ever met was a cunting doctor.

'Nuff said...

Anonymous said...

More jobs for the boysandgirls gifted by the government to swell the ranks of clients of the state, spouting excrement: 8 drinks but only 4 glasses of wine or 5 beers or spirits? An accounting deficit there. 4 wines at 1.5 'units' each = 6 'units'.

And more weasel words: 'a survey *suggests*'. Meaning what precisely? A pointless survey?

"This is not a coincidence, this is a co-ordinated effort " = conspiracy and a crime in common law. Our public servants are not immune to the law, though they act like it and appear to believe they are. De juris our public servants and politicians are guilty of serious crimes from murder and child kidnap down. De facto they get away with it and are rewarded for murdering innocents and achieving targets for stealing children.

These crimes are without limit as to time, therefore when the rule of law is re-established in this land, there are many whose past criminal acts will catch up with them.

Pat said...

Taking eight units per day as the consumption thats 56 units a week. another four and they'll be at the same health risk as teetotalers.

Caledonian Comment said...

Maybe the Nanny State brigade want to ultimately ban booze so as not to offend Muslims.

Pete said...

If that 'survey' was true the health bigots should be jumping for joy!

Bright sunshine, no work and only 4 glasses of wine?

Their self control is admirable!

...or maybe they don't know how to enjoy themselves...

Anonymous said...

Do it you bastards.
Because you can get away with persecuting smokers who are a minority (probably really 25%),
But drinkers are very much a majority.
Go on please score the biggest political own goal this century.
Go on you fucking bastards ,do it I dare you.
It will be the end of this bullshit.

Lewis said...

This piece of "news" could be re-headlined as "English people enjoying themselves on holiday, studies say" and it'd be just as accurate.

Every time I read something like this, I get in the mood to buy a couple of bottles of White Lightning and get paralytically shitfaced, because I fucking can and because whiny little shits like them don't want me to. Feels good man.

Anonymous said...

And Camerloon is also on the case. Regretably the pubs and breweries are also in on the scam, protection you see from those nasty supermarkets and people drinking at home. How dare we drink at home despite the stupid prices they charge. We will have a problem fighting this because it is industry buying the politicians to get the protection.
Derek

The Nameless Libertarian said...

Presumably UK citizens getting more shitted in a foreign country is this government's worst nightmare. If we all had a staycation this summer and sat in our front rooms drinking vodka and coke the government would be far happier. As they could tax us for the vodka at the same time as tutting at us for drinking it.

And as for something big coming up? Probably. The government has no legislative agenda whatsoever. Banning something or taxing more will probably be the way they hide that fact.

talwin said...

Don Shenker; pronounced 'chancre' (geddit?). And about as welcome.

Griblett said...

When my doctor asked me how much I drank in a week I answered truthfully, "only six to eight glasses of wine". He seemed ok about that.

I got given one of those wine glasses that take the whole bottle, a while back...

Rob said...

"September as the new January"

I wish it was January. Then this bunch of lying, authoritarian bastards would only have four months left instead of eight.

My guess is that the new (and final) parliament will produce an orgy of progressive, repressive legislation which would take the Tories three years to abolish even if they wanted to, which I am not convinced of. Scorched earth.

Vicola said...

If the drinks quoted are the average number of drinks then there must be some people drinking virtually nothing because when I went on holiday woth my best friend and the lads to Portugal this summer we drank a fuck sight more than 4 glasses of wine or 5 mixer drinks a day. And guess what? None of us died. None of us ended up having a fight/ our stomach pumped/ breaking anything/ smashing bottles on the floor/ vomiting in a public place. Or private place for that matter. What I do on holiday, provided I'm not harming anyone, is no one's business but my own and if I want to get spannered every day for a week then I fucking well will, regardless of what a colleciton of puritanical busy-bodies say I should be doing. Let's face it, you've got to do something to try and forget the almighty shit-storm of nonsense you'll be returning to once the holiday is over.