Monday, August 31, 2009

It never fucking ends

Quite seriously, what the living fuck is wrong with this country? Why the cunting fuck do these politico shitbags think that they have any right to dictate what I do in my private life? And most importantly, what kind of stupid cunt thinks that micromanaging bar staff to the extent of telling them what the bloody hell they can say to a customer is in any way a productive thing to do—especially in the current climate?
FIRST smokers were told to stub it out. Then happy hours were deemed out of order. But now – in perhaps the greatest assault yet on Scotland's traditional pub culture – bar staff are being told to stop asking patrons if they'd like "the same again".
The move is the result of new licensing laws coming into force next Tuesday to clamp down on "irresponsible promotions".

In measures described last night as "arrant nonsense", some training companies preparing staff for the new laws have warned the traditional prompt may be deemed irresponsible.

Instead, bar staff are being advised it would be better simply to ask "what would you like?", or "what can I do for you?"

It is also understood that trainers are telling staff that if a drinker is looking for a refill, he should be given a glass of water.

A glass of fucking water? What the fuck? If I ask for a cunting refill, then I want another pint of sweet, sweet beer, you bastards. If anyone tries to give me a glass of fucking water as a refill, they would be given short shrift, frankly. I don't drink water, I have never drunk water and I don't intend to start drinking that crap now: the only use for water is for bulking out the alcohol into a decent drink.
Bars and restaurants are being warned that offers such as "buy two glasses of wine and get the rest of the bottle free" should not be displayed. They have also been warned that they should not offer free drinks to customers, perhaps because they have waited too long for a meal, it is understood.

I know that the phrase "nanny state" is seriously overused, but how else can one describe this kind of crap?—apart from, perhaps, using the phrase "interfering cuntery".
Licensees warned there was utter confusion about how the new laws should be interpreted when the 2005 Licensing Act comes into force on Tuesday, making it illegal for pubs to provide Happy Hours or offer buy-one-get-one-free offers. Bar staff all have to attend training programmes, teaching them about how to serve alcohol.

The mind fucking boggles, it really does.
Training firms appear to be providing wildly different interpretations of what constitutes an irresponsible promotion. The Act classes it as anything which "encourages, or seeks to encourage, a person to buy or consume a larger measure of alcohol than the person had otherwise intended to buy or consume".

Oh look, it's yet another badly drafted law that no one knows how to interpret. For fuck's sake, can we please get these bloody amateurs' hands off the fucking levers of legislation?

Every single law passed these days seems to be solely designed to make people's lives a little bit more miserable. And quite apart from that, they are incredibly patronising.

I can pretty much guarantee that your humble Devil's IQ is higher than any one of those cunts in Holyrood—so who the fuck are they to tell me what decisions I can make with my life?

In this regard, I think that the poor little Greek boy puts it admirably.
I'm well aware that we have long since passed the stage where this becomes repetitive, but really, my loathing for the nannying culture that is fast overtaking this land is infinite. Who do these dung-brained phalluses think they are to regulate the private conduct of law-abiding citizens? Is this what it's come to—the micromanagement of everyday life to such a degree that shopkeepers and publicans must speak to customers off index cards printed by the State? Fuck off and leave me alone.

Let's say it as plainly as possible; it is absolutely none of the government's fucking business how I am "prompted" to take another drink. My choice of whether to have a further pint or not is swayed by many factors; the time of day, my surroundings, my thirstiness, and the tastiness of the beverage that I have just consumed. My alcohol intake is not controlled by the form of words that a member of staff chooses to accost me with, however, because I am not a complete dribbling retard and can make decisions for myself. Fuck off and leave me alone.

Although, of course, in terms of pure economy of words, few can beat the Daily Mash's heroic effort:
"As an adult, I think a reasonable daily limit is me drinking as much as I fucking want.

"If it affects my work I'll get sacked. If it affects my relationships I'll be all lonely and sad.

"And as for my health, following a quick glance at my tax bill I've decided that the NHS will treat me and the government can keep its fucking opinions to itself."

Of course, the problem is that NHS bill: as your humble Devil has opined many, many times, the politicos' justification for interfering in our fucking lives is often that x behaviour costs the NHS y per annum. Now, your humble Devil is very happy to opt out of paying for the NHS and would happily do so—except that, by law, I cannot do so. As a result, every one of us is in hock to the state whether we want to be or not.
The state is the provider of a service: the National Health Service in this case. Because the state provides and "pays" (through taxes, of course) for this service, it has the power to dictate to the population.

Obesity costs money over and above a "normal" person's treatment. Even if the obese person has private medical insurance, they cannot opt out of the NHS because they are forced to contribute to the NHS through their NICs. And, in fact, because of various laws—an ambulance can only take you to a state A&E, all GPs are employed by the state—no one can opt out of the state-provided system entirely.

In this way, everyone is in debt to the state. And as long as everyone is in debt to the state, the state, fundamentally, has the right to tell the population how to behave. And this debt can never actually be discharged: you are in debt to—and thus subject to the whim of—the state from the moment that you are born until the moment that you die.

And, remember, there is no actual contract to sign (or not sign) so the government can—and does—keep on shifting the terms of this agreement as and when it likes.
...

As such, no one in this country owns their own body; no one in this country owns their own life. Everyone is effectively in hock to the state because you can never, ever opt out of state provision.

Now, unless I am allowed to opt out, might I suggest that you busybody politicos please fuck off and die? Allow me to stop participating in your ghastly social engineering, and get the fuck out of my life.

Just. Fuck. Right. Off.

UPDATE: there's some succinct analysis over at Dick Puddlecote's place...
As one bar owner succinctly put it:
"We have had all of our freedom taken away to try to run a bar, and provide a social and fun place."

All this, remember, in a drive to restrict the public to unit intakes pulled out of thin air, when we are all drinking less than ten years ago, and in the face of recent revelations that light drinkers/teetotallers are a cost burden on the NHS. And in an environment where only those over 18, which is usually the age at which we assume a person should be entitled to make their own decisions in life, are legally allowed to purchase the products on offer.

Anyone who lives in the Soviet republic of Jockland has my deepest sympathy. You are being led by psychotically puritan politicians who are so dense they could bend light.

Quite.

9 comments:

Katy Newton said...

On a tangentially related note, this absolutely enrages me. I pay income tax plus VAT plus council tax plus insurance for private healthcare plus the costs of running a car instead of using the godawful public transport available in my area and goodness knows what else, and apparently I am now also expected to put my hand in my already overtaxed pocket for "extras" from a council, which are part of their fucking job. As far as I'm concerned, I'm happy for them to have the option of charging me for services if I also have the option of not paying vastly overinflated council tax on top of my vastly overinflated income tax.

OK I'm spent. For the moment.

Anonymous said...

DK, what's with the water-hatred? What has water ever done to you? Did you almost drown as a child and end up with some kind of mental trauma?

Water is fine. Leave water alone.

Anonymous said...

Eugenides really hits the nail on the head with these comments:
Who do these dung-brained phalluses think they are to regulate the private conduct of law-abiding citizens? and I am not a complete dribbling retard and can make decisions for myself.

The people proposing these laws think that we are all fucking morons. Now, anyone who has ever met a British parliamentarian up close and personal will guffaw at the irony but the fact remains: they think we're amazingly and all-encompassingly stupid and that we need to be saved from ourselves.

What is socialism if it's not a political theory based upon the idea that ordinary citizens are so fucking brainless that they must be saved from themselves by the soi-disant intelligentsia? Amongst the political class of this country the belief is all-pervasive that politicians are there to save you, not to serve you, that their job is to make the laws they think you need, not the laws you want, that they are cleverer than you and better than you, that, in effect, you are overgrown and not very intelligent children who, left to your own devices, will light yourselves on fire or poke your own eyes out sans the watchful care of the politicians.

Who do these people think they are? They think they're your parents and they think you're five years old.

Mr Eugenides said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mr Eugenides said...

Anon #1:

To quote W.C.Fields:

"Water? Fish fuck in water."

That is all.

egbert stoat-tickler said...

You seem displeased.

Mitch said...

We seem to have a Police service and an NH force.
Next it will be swipe your ID card for a drink exceed your units and bye bye for 24 hrs.

Mark Reckons said...

In response to your point:

"Every single law passed these days seems to be solely designed to make people's lives a little bit more miserable."

It actually seems to me that lots of laws (and certainly ones like this) are drafted just purely to try and make the government look like it is doing something. It is part and parcel of the old Blair "eye-catching initiatives". It doesn't matter if they are badly drafted, it doesn't matter if they work. All that matters is that at PMQs some Labour backbencher can stand up and say something like:

"Does the Prime Minister agree with me that alcohol promotions have gone too far now. In my constituency recently I noticed...."

And so that Brown can then use his "answer" to sound like he is doing something about a problem and for good measure accuse anyone who opposes it of being in favour of killing children or some such hyperbole.

Dick Puddlecote said...

Ta for the link, DK.

One thing you forgot to highlight about the NHS bill is that it is complete bollocks in so many different ways.

Julian LeGrand (former HMG health adviser) recently said, on the BBC no less, and I quote:

"It is true that, on the whole, healthy people cost the National Health Service, and indeed the pensions sector, rather more than unhealthy people."

Don't believe me? Listen to it yourself. Just click here for the mp3 file.

So every obesity/smoking/drinking costs the NHS X much comment you have ever heard is a cast-iron, bona fide lie and they fucking well know it.

Mark Reckons: Spot on, but you forgot to mention that the question, and the answer, will de rigeur be loaded in such a way that it is designed to protect 'the chiiildren'.

It is the MP's insurance policy against kneejerk thinking. If you disagree, you are quite obviously happy to see children abused.