Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Compare the wanker dot com

Having finished a long TV career playing the title role in Gerry Anderson's Captain Scarlet, Peter Jones now spends his time writing pitifully poor articles on CiF.

Your humble Devil is a little late to this party but, via John B and Longrider, I find this unbelievable piece of crap in—where else?—The Grauniad.
A few weeks ago, my girlfriend and I were watching TV at home when the advert for comparethemarket.com appeared on our screen. I had seen the ad before and not thought anything of it. However on this occasion, my girlfriend, who is Ukrainian, turned to me and said: "I don't like this advert, it is very offensive to me." I mentioned it to a friend who said his Latvian lodger also found it offensive.

The advertisement centres on the word "market"—a word that eastern Europeans/Russians pronounce "meerkat"—using talking CGI-animated meerkats. The sole point of this African animal's appearance is, it seems, to highlight the idea that east Europeans cannot pronounce the word market properly when they speak English. It struck me how racist it was to parody what is now a significant part of the British population in this way. It also occurred to me that were the ad to use stereotypical Indian or Caribbean accents in the same way it would never be allowed on TV.

Um... You've not seen the Lilt adverts then?

But fucking hell, some people will do anything to get laid, eh? What's wrong, Peter: did your Eastern European lass refuse to suck your stringy little cock unless you complained? Or are you just a fucking tit?
I decided to complain first to ITV. When I looked on the ITV website, to my shock, I found that their business development manager Richard Chilvers was boasting that this was his favourite ad and that it helped to bring his "passion alive". I emailed my complaint. ITV responded that "the subject matter, content and treatment of all commercials are always given serious consideration to determine their suitability for transmission". They also stated that "particular care is needed to ensure that advertisements are not misleading or offensive". They then stated that I should contact the ASA (Advertising Standards Authority) which I duly did.

You are fucking kidding me? As one CiF commenter asks, is this a fucking spoof?

I always wondered what kind of mealy-mouthed, humourless cunt complained about shit like this: well, thanks, Peter—now I know exactly what kind of mealy-mouthed, humourless cunt complains about this shit. To paraphrase the Lottery adverts, it might be you. Oh, yes: it is.
The ASA informed me that it did not assess advertisements before they went out but responded to complaints. The initial assessment and clearing was done by a company called Clearcast which, I was told, conveniently did not deal with the public. I then emailed my complaint to the ASA, whose response stated: "Whatever impact the mild stereotyping of the eastern European accent has is undercut by the fact that it is a cartoon rather than a live actor. As such we do not feel that the content of the commercial is likely to provoke widespread offence." It said it had not had any other complaints.

I asked my girlfriend why that might be.

It's because most people are not mealy-mouthed, humourless cunts who desperately want their Eastern European girlfriends to stop screeching at them and suck their stringy little cocks instead.

Mind you, looking at Peter Jones's picture, I am not entirely surprised at his girlfriend's behaviour. Come on, ladies: wouldn't you do just about anything—including manufacturing an entirely pointless melodrama about bugger-all—rather than suck Peter's wanger? I mean, he looks like a fucking SuperMarionation puppet (still, no trouble getting wood, eh?).

Don't worry, Peter, your humble Devil has some advice for you: shut the fuck up and go back to screwing warm watermelons. Oh, and if you aren't sure how to go about it, here's a handy video for you...


See? Is simples! You wanker.

13 comments:

Dick Puddlecote said...

Did the easily-offended twat complain about the portrayal of Alan Partridge's caravan girlfriend?

No? Thought not.

Racist? Oh FFS.

File alongside the Labour MEP who finds cartoon EU web-site creations 'sexist'.

Martin said...

British readers of a certain vintage might recall the advertising jingle for a child's fruit drink which ran,

'Um Bongo, Um Bongo,
They drink it in the Congo...'

Strange but true.

Wossat? said...

Personally I'd like to see a pissed off meerkat sink it's teeth into said stringy little cock. That'll give the gobshite something to complain about.

talwin said...

Martin, you do well to remind us of the fruit drink, Um Bongo, which, it was asserted, they drank in the Congo. This was indeed strange as, during the time the advert ran, the Congo was known as Zaire.

However, I think I can see why they may have taken licence here.
It does not take an ad. man to realise that
'Um Bongo, Um Bongo,
They drink it in Zaire....'
does not scan as well as it might.

But stranger still was Um Ognob (I shit you not) which apparently was launched in 1999 as a sister drink to said Um Bongo (Ognob = Bongo backwards, geddit?). Not surprisingly, perhaps, it was withdrawn soon after hitting the shelves.

What a wonderful world is Google.

Mac the Knife said...

Oh come on DK. Captain Scarlet* was too cool for school whereas this spunkless, spineless, soulless gibbering pisswad? Oh fuck it, I give up...

*Although in later years I came to identify more with Captain Black, whose caption should have read 'Mysteron Pisshead' and who should have been standing atop a stack of empty vodka bottles. Did you see those fucking eyes? Sheep's twats or what?

Andrew said...

Rather apt video too considering the terrorist has passed on today too.

The Grauniad will have page after page eulogising the bigoted anti-Semite.

Usukh Dikh said...

I don't think it was created to even take the mick out of how the word market is pronounced in accents.

It was created as it is quirky, the funny bit being that it addresses the long term issue of often ending up at the wrong site (a Meerkat / Market difference is plausible).
Meerkats are in africa, so accent is Moroccan if anything to build the character of the puppet they have envisaged (EE'ns I know do not pronounce as Meerket!)

In summation, I can't believe it needs defending, and agree what a complete twatty offense-seeking cunt he is.

Rob said...

Pure grievance-mongering gold. The comments are superb. Please let him write more articles for the Guardian, please!

The Left hardly allows a day to pass without crying that this is a nation of bigots and racists, yet this is the worst they can come up with to demonstrate it. No lynchings, no murders, but a fucking Meerkat gibbering in an accent which may or may not be Ukranian. Jesus fucking Christ.

Serf said...

Interesting that the wanker has an Eastern European Girlfriend.

What is it they say about immigrants.....They do the jobs that the locals don't want.

Ned said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Vicola said...

What a miserable little scrote, he must be an absolute bloody riot at parties, he really must. Accents are used in ads ALL the time, the Carribean one in the Malibu ad, Scottish in Irn Bru, East Anglian in that ad for some healthy cereal bar thingy. Not all Eastern Europeans are offended by it either, the 10 year old Polish lass who lives on my street loves it. I know this because I found and yelling 'simples' and singing 'compare the meerkat' to her mates from across the street. Clearly Mr Jones Ukranian girlfriend is also a miserable prat. Still, saves them spoiling another couple eh?

Anonymous said...

.........and are we sure the Slavs couldn't pronounce 'market' anyway? A colleague of mine is Serbian, and i've just asked her to say "Meerkat market" and her pron was spot-on.
While we're on the subject, isn't the Meerkat supposed to be a Russian dot.com millionaire? Or possibly a meerkat who studied english under Soviet auspices and who THEN went on to become a dot.com etc? In any case, his assistant is called Sergei which, I think you will agree, argues for a Russian origin for the meerkats in this poarticular instance.

Roddy said...

Absaloutely cracking guys thanks i haven't laughed this much in a long time,Just tell the Russians and Ukrainians to get a sense of Humor!!
From experience i know they would not hesitate to take the piss out of us if the roles were reversed!!! as i was married to one! a Russian that is for clarifaction.