(nb. I am not DK)
The Lancet has decided to dedicate a whole issue to pushing the fuck-me-I-never-saw-that-coming anti-booze crusade that all us paranoid libertarians said would inevitably follow the war on tabs as a result of the slippery slope that apparently doesn't fucking exist.
Parading it to the blinkered morons of the Fourth Estate is ubiquitous arsehole Ian Gilmore, who makes the connection between smoking and drinking explicit:
"We need an international framework convention for alcohol control, similar to that on tobacco, as soon as possible, to put into practice the evidence-based measures needed to reduce alcohol-related harm.
"These include increasing the price of alcohol, reducing its availability and banning advertising, and the action needs to start now."
"We've been fucking smokers up the arse for a number of years now and, frankly, we're in the mood for some fresh meat. Obviously we'll be using the same bullshit statistics to soften the British pleblic up for a good roasting.
"But before we begin, I'd just like to thank all the docile pricks who pathed the way by supporting the smoking ban just because it meant they wouldn't have to wash their clothes or hair anymore.
"Believe me, you dirty, smelly, gullible set of twats, a trip to the washing machine is going to seem like a fucking birthday party by the time we've finished with you."
Step One is a 50p per unit 'minimum price' on alcohol. In an attempt to whore this policy to the public, Gilmore came up with a 'fact' which, even by the standards of puritanical, lying, fake charity, quack bastard, burn-in-hell fuck-nuggets like him, is an egregious travesty. Not that the fucking Telegraph bothered to question it:
Minimum alcohol price 'could halve hospital admissions for drinking'
Prof Gilmore, the president of the Royal College of Physicians, said the move could reduce the numbers admitted for alcohol problems by around 100,000.
In 2007, just over 207,000 people were taken into hospital because of the effects of drinking.
Really? Upon what research is this based, Gilmore, you say-anything, do-anything, prohibitionist fucking little worm? Are you prepared to stand by this prediction if we introduce this piece-of-shit law and hospital admissions don't fall by half? Can we expect you to do the decent thing, ie. resign, stick an orange in your mouth and kill yourself? Or will you and your band of hateful motherfuckers simply demand a higher 'minimum price' and yet more vindictive bullshit?
The hopeless bastard reveals what a nonsense this is as he tries to suck up to middle England:
Writing in The Lancet, however, Prof Gilmore says that the price hike would cost the average person only 23p more per week.
Only 23p? So it'll be so small that no one notices and yet big enough to save 100,000 lives? Give me three bottles of your snake-oil, Dr Gilmore. Fuck it, let's make it 46p and eliminate alcohol-related admissions altogether.
Lying, evil little shyster. That's all he is.
If that little statistic sounds like bollocks—and by Christ, it is—it is entirely in keeping with The Lancet's special edition, of which the highlight is this study:
One in 25 deaths across the world are linked to alcohol consumption, Canadian experts have suggested.
And if 1 in 25 deaths seems a bit high, wait till you hear about the supposed rate in Europe:
Europe had the highest proportion of deaths related to alcohol, with 1 in 10 deaths directly attributable.
10% of all deaths? Let's do a quick bag-of-an-envelope calculation, shall we?
According to the ONS, there were 509,090 deaths in England and Wales in 2008 and there were 6,541 deaths related to alcohol in England. That last figure doesn't include Wales so let's be generous and add a further 500 deaths for the sheep-worriers.
Which gives us a total number of about 7,000, or 1.38% of all deaths.
Of course, that doesn't give us the percentage for the whole of Europe, but seeing as we're supposedly some of the worst drinkers in Europe (another fucking lie), that should be considered a conservative estimate. Still nowhere near 10% though, is it? It's not even close to the 1 in 25—or 4%—claimed for the whole world, and for that global total you need to factor in a billion muslims who don't drink at all, plus God knows how many people who haven't got a pot to piss in, let alone a pub to get pissed in.
So the only conclusion can be that, yet again, we're being lied to on a massive scale. And what does the prick who conducted the study have to say for himself?
"The big message is treat alcohol like tobacco..."
Yeah, alright, we get it...
... not as a substance that is relatively benign except for those bad alcoholics. That is not true."
And that, too, is a bare-faced lie. Being a tee-totaller is not good for you and moderate drinking is very certainly 'benign', as has been shown many times, for example:
Women who drank alcohol on at least one day a week had a lower risk of coronary heart disease than women who drank alcohol on less than one day a week...
For men an inverse association was found between drinking frequency and risk of coronary heart disease across the entire range of drinking frequencies. The lowest risk was observed among men who drank daily (0.59, 0.48 to 0.71) compared with men who drank alcohol on less than one day a week.
They lie and lie and lie. Do these fuckers really think that a few bullshit anti-drinking laws are worth dragging their profession into the gutter? One day these quack bastards will tell the truth about something important. Will anyone believe them?
UPDATE (by DK): Professor Ian Gilmore is, of course, not just "president of the Royal College of Physicians", oh no. He is also the Chair of the Alcohol Health Alliance which is, of course, a fake charity of some magnitude.
Now, a quick search of fakecharities.org for "Alcohol Health Alliance" throws up such definitely fake charities as Sustain, the Institute for Alcohol Studies and the Alliance House Foundation (formerly the UK Alliance for the Suppression of the Traffic in All Intoxicating Liquors); all of these organisations are heavily funded by the state which means, of course, that the Alcohol Health Alliance is also heavily funded by the state.
As such, Professor Ian Gilmore is a mouthpiece for the government and should probably have his tongue ripped from his lying head before being hanged by his testicles in a tank full of ravenous piranas. The cunt.
It is worth pointing out that nowhere in the Telegraph article is this information pointed out.
Now me—I'd say that taking the word of a man who is the Chair of an organisation, the members of which include the formerly-named "UK Alliance for the Suppression of the Traffic in All Intoxicating Liquors", without mentioning this little nugget of information—or massive fucking conflict of interest—is the act of a deeply stupid, tit-head, biased cub reporter.
I would view said nugget as something that a professional journalist might like to mention to his readers. You know—for balance, and that kind of thing. Not, apparently, in the increasingly bizarre and amateurish world of the fucking Daily fucking Telegraph.
Professor Ian Gilmore really is a fucking cunt of the very first water who first featured on The Kitchen in December 2007. Needless to say, he has made a couple of appearances since then.
And I fully expect him to become a regular hate figure in the future too.