Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Change? We spunk on change. And fuck improvement.

Once upon a time there was a tedious, corrupt little cunt called John "Socialist Shitbag Masquerading As A Tory" Bercow.

Mister Bercow had some unfortunate experiences with some "expenses": essentially, he quite happily, and with malice aforethought, took the taxpayer to the cleaners and ran away laughing. Because he's a corrupt cunt.
Last month, The Daily Telegraph disclosed that Mr Bercow “flipped” the designation of his second home between London and his constituency when he sold two houses in the space of a year, enabling him to avoid paying capital gains tax (CGT) on the profits from either sale.

He denied any wrongdoing but said he would pay £6,508 plus VAT to HM Revenue & Customs to cover the tax he could have been asked to pay on the sale of one of the homes.

The Tory MP for Buckingham also claimed almost £1,000 for the cost of hiring an accountant to fill in tax returns. Members of the Government were criticised for submitting similar claims because it was rare for members of the public to be allowed to reclaim accountants’ bills as a legitimate expense.

Not only did John Bercow use "the rules" to avoid tax that any of the rest of us would have to pay but, as Guido so helpfully points out, he also maxed out his allowances in previous years.


In other words, John Bercow is a filthy fucking trougher who is never happier than when spending our hard-earned cash on... well, whatever he fucking fancies, frankly. He is a disgustingly corrupt, unpleasant little cock-weasel with dumplings for testicles.

I just want to make this absolutely fucking clear, because it has a bearing on what follows: John Bercow is a corrupt little fuck who has not only maxed out his expenses account with our money, but he has also bent the rules to within breaking point in order to avoid the taxes that he is happy to impose on us—the taxes, in fact, that fund his lavish lifestyle through his fat fucking salary and his ludicrously high expenses claims.

I would also like to point out that the Speaker of the House of Commons resigned because not only had he happily presided over the raiding of the public purse by MPs, and not only because he did his level best to stop any of the details coming out (using lawyers paid for with our money), but also because he himself was incredibly corrupt—bending the rules to within breaking point (sounding familiar?) and maxing out his expenses claims.

So, the Speaker has resigned.

At this point in time, the reputation of our Parliament is at an all-time low; rarely has the entire institution been held in so much contempt. This is because those who occupy the House—those who plonk their well-padded arseholes on the well-padded seats—have abused our trust, lived above the laws that they make to control us, raped our wallets and bankrupted the country.

And now this institution needs a new Speaker—the previous Speaker having resigned for being, basically, a corrupt, Glaswegian fucknuts.

So, what MPs should do is to elect a reasonably uncorrupt person to be Speaker, don't you think? Especially since it is the Speaker who oversees the MPs and ensures that they stick to the rules (such as they are).

After all, these very same MPs have been telling us how ashamed they are, how they realise that their actions were wrong, how they understand the people's anger. As such, they surely must want to elect an untainted Speaker who will be able to summon some moral authority when bringing reform to the system of allowances benefits-in-kind.

No. These corrupt little bastards have elected another corrupt little bastard as Speaker.

The only good thing about this whole sorry episode is... at least they didn't elect that fucking horse-faced cunt, Margaret Beckett.

27 comments:

Anonymous said...

Mick Martin isn't Glaswegian. He's an Irish Catholic who, along with a great many of his countrymen and co-religionists, happens to annexed great swathes of the West of Scotland.

Chalcedon said...

Jaysus. This is Noo Labour dumping on the electorate and spitting in the next government's face.

Oh well, at least he has dumped the pantomime costume.

Faux Cu said...

Labour just ambushed the Tories.

Effectively they voted in a little piece of political jetsam as a last two fingered hurrah to the voters.

Bercow is as opportunistic a politician as Blair, though nowhere near as smart.

I do not know if he actually had a job and a real life before Westminster, apart from selling timeshares in dodgy Spanish high rises, but he seems to have adapted well to the communal financial buffet that is Porkminster. (There's an irony Ed)

Starting as an ultra right loony in Thatcher's time, singing his praises of Mandela's hanging, he wandered his way to the left of his party during Tony's day and, rumour has it, could have jumped ship to the ZaNuLab experiment.

He is the sort of person who would sing The Sash at a Rangers supporter's club despite being Jewish and English FFS. Anything to push the political envelope of experimentation. Who knows there may be an earner in there?

Dave Cameron is now left with a speaker from his side of The House where the people who know him, did not vote him in!

Tradition allows him to be re-elected as long as wants as long as the honourable members can stomach him. A tradition that applies to the established gentlemen's parties, that is, not as far as the Party of Great Unwashed has signed up to.

His tilt at the Speaker's chair is a cold calculated move of self promotion that leaves him morally and politically dependent on Brown's (or Mandelson's) party until the next election. Does anyone think he will do anything this side of the GE for the Tories and, assuming he is re-elected by his constituency, does anyone think DC will not do the Caesar manoeuvre? Pension time?

Playing politics with a fundamental and pivotal parliamentary position, in the toil to reconnect our nation's democracy with the electorate, the Labour coup that is Bercow is positively Machiavellian or Mandelsonian?

Maybe he is a fruitcake and will crack up.

In all, the whole charade is a reverse double-gaseous, odoriferous thrust in the direction of the electorate.

You would almost think that Westminster is on some sort of collective hallucinogenic trip and see everything through a weird transcendental pair of Specsavers goggles; £SD anyone?

Maybe it is a yet unknown mass suicide cult?


It all makes great Crash TV though.


The self styled "Mother" of Parliaments reduced to a very bad Glasgow Empire music hall turn.

John B said...

How're MPs technically employed? Accountants' bills are fully deductible if you're a freelancer.

Devil's Kitchen said...

John,

I believe that they are technically self-employed. Which raises a couple of related points:

1) I thought that the whole scandal of ministers claiming their accountants' fees on expenses was that other people could not do that.

2) On a slightly different note, MPs are employed by one person for more than six month and derive their primary income from one source.

Surely they should be caught under IR35, i.e. they should be employed because otherwise they are paying far less NI (for starters)...

DK

Jeff Wood said...

John, good point.

Even with freelancers, I am careful. I prepare their Accounts, and charge a fully-deductible fee. At that point the meter stops running, and when I prepare the Tax Return, that is a free extra as a favour.

When the only work is preparation of the Return, say for an employee, pensioner or director I charge, but no tax deduction is available.

As far as I know, MPs are employees, though of whom exactly I cannot recall, probably the Crown. No deduction for accountant's fees are possible. If the employer refunds the cost of an accountant, that is a taxable benefit which must be declared on the Return. Simples.

Jeff Wood said...

Come to think of it, the buggers are not Crown employees, or they would be automatically disqualified.

DK, if we knew they paid PAYE and who took it from them, we would know they are employees and of whom.

puzzled of nether wallop said...

Poisonally I couldn't give a ferret's fart.

Anonymous said...

I thought that if you didnt pay capital gains tax, because what was done was legal although immoral, the tax office couldn't then accept monies off you to pay towards the tax you would have paid. So all he's done is pay an installment towards his next years tax.

I could be wrong though

Little Black Sambo said...

And who was that repellent person with the goofy teeth, Stuart Wheeler? He seemed somehow to be in charge of the whole business of electing a Speaker, reforming Parliament, etc.

Tax lawyer said...

That you know jack shit about tax is, in itself, not a concern. That you choose to write as if you do know anything about the topic is a concern. Stick to what you know. By creating this drivel, you only add to the misdirection which is what the troughing cunts want. Otherwise, keep up the good work.

And MPs are office holders which, for tax purposes, means they are taxed under PAYE on their fees in the same way as employees are taxed on their salaries. MPs are most definitely not self employed. Allowances and the resettlement grant (which the cunts get when they get turfed out at general election time) are a murky issue, but when it comes to MPs pay, their expenses and, also, their capital gains tax treatment, the law for them is the same as for the rest of us poor bastards.

Dick Puddlecote said...

As predicted by Nadine Dorries in May.

A very senior member of the Labour party has told me that the party, almost en masse, will be voting for Bercow.

It means they can do the honourable thing and vote for a Conservative and not be seen to be partisan, "because Bercow's not really a Conservative anyway".
.

I lumped on at 3/1 when I read that. Cheers, Nad.

Elby the Beserk said...

Slightly off topic, hope you don't mind!

Bill to imprison MPs who lie

BenS said...

You owe me a new monitor, DK, since I just punched my screen at the sight of dickface up there.

Jimmy Lee Shreeve said...

The worst of all this is if we got together and said, that's it you aren't getting any more taxes - income, council, NI - we'd be locked up in the end.

But there wouldn't be much the government could do if 500,000 Britons refused to pay taxes.

That said, the army could be brought in - in the "public interest".

With the whole expenses row, I just think that if we take more than we should, or refuse to pay any tax, there is little mercy. And no mercy at all if you persist. You get locked up.

It's hard to imagine John Bercow having any sympathy for a refusal to pay taxes. This would be because his, and all other MPs coffers, would be under threat...and they don't like that at all.

The answer would be to hit them where it hurts - the money. But how could we rouse Britons to refuse to pay taxes? If we did, it would be almost an Atlas Shrugged moment.

Letters From A Tory said...

To be fair, of all the people who came forward to be Speaker, finding one who WASN'T corrupt was actually bloody difficult.

Not that this is cause for celebration, mind.

Stan said...

The fact that Bercow remains a member of the Tory party even though he is a self-avowed socialist progressive tells you a lot about the modern Tory party.

The Penguin said...

Here comes the new boss, just like the old boss.

The Penguin

Valleys Mam said...

You forgot to mention his second job and the tax haven it operates under- as mention by the Sunday Times
Wonder how long he will last - with a bit of luck he will be out at the next election

Michael McManus UKIP said...

"Once upon a time there was a tedious, corrupt little cunt called John 'Socialist Shitbag Masquerading As A Tory' Bercow."

A nursery rhyme which was read to me many times in my youth. You should stop sugar coating things and say what you really think. Anyone would think you don't like him.

Regards


Michael

Anonymous said...

Someone will probably deck 'im.

Ian B said...

Sigh. The purpose of this scandal was not to "clean up" the house of commons. It was not intended to benefit "the people". It was not some kind of moment of reform. Its purpose was to put the Commons more completely under the thumb of the actual rulers in the Governance- the extensive ruling class of crats- to move us one step further to a post-democratic society.

As with every engineered moral panic, there will always be lots of useful idiots helping stir it up. The blogosphere has done a grand job with this. Congratulations. You've just helped rid us of another of those tiresome democratic principles that get in the way of "progress". Have a cigar. Rant about cunts some more. It'll really help you feel better.

You've been had.

Anonymous said...

I think they put something in the water at the "maison de Paliamente".
Or perhaps in, le ,Moulle Marine !
That makes your soul and body go ,really ugly ,a bit like the "Portrait of Dorian Grey".
Can you imagine what the average,"Parliamentians "Portrait of Dorian Grey" would look like?
John Carpenters films would look like "Bambi" ,compared to it .
Ugggh !im gonna be sick...Ughhhhh!

Devil's Kitchen said...

Ian B,

No: it is you who has been had!

[removes amusing rubber mask]

For I am actually on the government payroll! Ha-haaaaaa!

The only reason that I railed on about the thieving fucking cunts in the House of Commons is because I wanted to give control over to my paymasters! And it has succeeded...

My rage against the idea of an "independent" body to monitor expenses was just a smokescreen, to throw you all off the scent.

Aaaaaahahahahaha!

DK

Ian B said...

DK-

Your support for the faction seeking to create the new quango is no doubt appreciated. Your disapproval of it is something they don't give a flying fuck about.

Anonymous said...

Bambi looked cute.
All MP's look like Sir Les Patterson.
All MP's have VD.
Thats the only explanation as to why they show no common sense at all.
Yes I am now convinced .
Advanced syphalis is endemic in the "Maison de Parliamentte.
Oh La La, WITH PUSS".
The house of puss.
Just look at the boils.
The stinking morass of bloated greed.
Bought and sold daily.
My god their UGLY.
We are clean.
Our souls are safe.
And VD clean.

Raymondo Van Avond said...

I'm just soooooooo astonished that Brits can be quite so apathetic. How come everybody is just sitting around computers whingeing about all these scumbag public-school criminals - rather than getting out there with serious weapons (high-powered rifles with laser sights) and puuting some of these cunts up against the fucking wall?
And before you ask: It's because I have been royally shafted by their fuck-ups and can't afford a Kalashnikov.......