Thursday, June 04, 2009

100 years ago...

Via Obnoxio, here's a article from the Private Eye archives, from 4th May 1984...
Dr Gordon Brown

The new Labour member for Dunfermline East, Dr Gordon Brown, is typical of the brand of mediocre, middle-class careerists who make up an increasing proportion of the undistinguished lobby-fodder and whom Labour habitually returns from Scotland, though he has greater academic pretensions than most.

Brown shot to provincial fame on being elected as Edinburgh University’s first student Rector in the late 1960s and ever since his ambition has outstripped his ability. Although, in a tribute, his old history tutor Dr Paul Addison has stated that Brown was “always more than a swot”, it appears that he lacked certain essential social graces. He never fully recovered from his rejection as suitor by the lovely Princess Marguerita of Romania (who works as a computer programmer in the University’s Computer Department) and ever since has devoted himself obsessively to his political career.

Before becoming Labour’s Scottish Chairman (a meaningless appointment made on the “Buggins’ Turn” principle) Brown worked on a series of current affairs documentaries for Scottish TV which were so excruciatingly dull that he was mercifully taken off the air (he has two brothers in the Scots media).

Once again he has been exceeding his limitations in his new role as a Scots lackey in the outer limits of Kinnock’s kitchen cabinet. A recent Sunday Times article which he had ghosted for the new labour leader had to be withdrawn as “hopeless” by Kinnock’s press officer, Patricia “Harpie” Hewitt.

In June, Brown will enjoy a three-week CIA freebie trip to the USA (he will get $60 a day pocket money while out there.) Kinnock felt obliged to approve this unfashionable hostage to fortune because he himself had been on a similar trip some years ago.

What can one possibly add, except to say that his limitations, "academic pretensions", excrutiating dullness and lack of "essential social graces" have only become more pronounced. It is to the Labour Party's eternal disgrace that they allowed this tedious, fuck-witted, monocular, graceless turd of an intellectual pygmy to be their leader.

Let's face it, Gordon Brown is a total cunt.

15 comments:

Umbongo said...

"Let's face it, Gordon Brown is a total cunt."

DK, as a description of Brown, that's a compliment.

John Woolman said...

I have to say that I am surprised that investigative journalists haven't done a little more digging into GB's time as a student politician during a particularly turbulent era.

James Higham said...

Once again he has been exceeding his limitations in his new role as a Scots lackey in the outer limits of Kinnock’s kitchen cabinet.

Yes.

Anonymous said...

One serious mistake in Private Eye's characterisation (or, rather, one deliberate omission): Brown is very unusual amongst Scottish Labour politicians in that he is not a Catholic and is not of Irish extraction.

It's very easy to dismiss Scotland as Labour's heartland while failing to note that, demographically speaking, Labour only does well in regions that are inhabited disproportionately by Irish Catholics.

For all his "Son of the Manse" garbage, mostly intended for the consumption of the southern English middle classes, Broon has far more in common with Mick Martin and the openly-corrupt Glasgow Catholic Mafia than with the predominantly Conservative- and Lib Dem-leaning Scottish Presbyterian middle classes. The baggage includes a hefty quantity of anti-British feeling which explains why his constant efforts to play up his Britishness are doomed to failure - Broon, at his core, is anti-British, anti-capitalist, anti-monarchy and anti-anything-else-that-he-associates-with-Britain; hence his attempts to wrap himself in the Union Flag merely serve to show how little he understands this country and how far his natural instincts, honed amongst Labour sectarianism in the 1970s, are from those of normal British people.

Jeff Wood said...

I knew both Marguerite and Gordon briefly - and slightly - back in the day, before they became an item.

Someone who knew them better, long afterwards told me a different story. He said that Marguerite was devoted to Gordon, and acted as his hostess when he was setting up his political future.

He further claimed that M. wanted G. to make an honest woman of her, but he said his career came first, and turned her down.

I don't know the truth, but history suggests that if the version I heard is correct, the lass was done a favour.

JuliaM said...

"...history suggests that if the version I heard is correct, the lass was done a favour."

Indeed. I've always wondered what Sarah saw in him. She seems quite ordinary in interviews.

The Penguin said...

She gets well paid to put up with the halitosis and occasional (and now long past) unpleasantness witha turkey baster to produce the necessary photo-appendages.

The Penguin

John East said...

This points to a much deeper malaise in our society.

A true leader, in the traditional sense, can no longer make it to the top as long as PC rules.

Modern leaders must be touchy-feely at all times, must affect concern for all factions no matter how outlandish or weird, and must above all go with the concensus by leading from behind.

David Cameron springs to mind as perhaps the best we can look forward to today, because a Churchill or a Thatcher could never make it to the top now.

Budgie said...

'Who would want Thatcher as a next door neighbour?' was the rallying cackle of the socialists: because all they had left was epithets after the failures of their political philosophy.

Now the boot is on the other foot, we have socialists whinging about how unfair are the personal attacks on McRuin. Socialists dish it out but can't take it.

dearieme said...

And the fucker bounced a cheque on me.

Gareth said...

John Wood said: "He further claimed that M. wanted G. to make an honest woman of her, but he said his career came first, and turned her down."

It would hardly play well with his support to have a Princess for a wife. Though it would be fitting for the champagne socialists we have to endure now.

Wrinkled Weasel said...

What an enormously satisfying bit of digging that produced. Well done, Mr Devil, for finding it.

You end by telling us that Brown is a "total cunt". Where is your usual venom? I do hope you are not going soft.

The Nameless Libertarian said...

A recent Sunday Times article which he had ghosted for the new labour leader had to be withdrawn as “hopeless” by Kinnock’s press officer, Patricia “Harpie” Hewitt.

So, he was dissed by Patricia Hewitt - a woman lacking in... well, any sort of redeeming feature. And this was known when Kinnock was leader.

Jesus titty-fucking Christ, why did the Labour party make him PM?

Anonymous said...

Will you stop giving cunts a bad name by associating the unelected McBean with them.

Henry Crun said...

TNL, the only explanation is, that over the years Gordon has built up "files" on his political "friends" and knows all about their little proclivities, idiosyncrasies and closet-dwelling skeletons.