Sunday, May 10, 2009

Live like an MP

You know that your system's fucked when the News of the Screws is running a competition based on it.

And what does this get you...?
FOR 12 MONTHS WE WILL PAY
  • Your mortgage or rent - PAID

  • Your gas & electricity - PAID

  • Your car bills - PAID

  • Your weekly shopping - PAID

  • Your clothes and shoes - PAID

  • Your nights out - PAID

  • Your holidays - PAID

Fancy a carefree life with absolutely NO money worries because someone else is taking care of all your bills?

Well, that life could be yours for a WHOLE YEAR thanks to The News of the World. Win our 'Live Free for a Year' promotion and you'll be quids in for a whole 12 months as WE do the shelling out with our prize worth £75k!

We will pay you £75k to help pay your rent or mortgage, send you on holiday and even foot the bill for great nights out on the town. Visit restaurants, go to the cinema, even indulge your favourite hobby - it won't cost you a penny. Plus, you will have a clothing allowance and all your household food paid for. We will even cough up for your car maintenance and insurance plus cover any appliance repairs, healthcare fees and even contribute to your pension!

Unfortunately, they cannot simulate the MP lifestyle in other ways, or else they would offer the following:
  • Make public speeches about helping the poor—and then pass legislation that screws the poor!

  • Set your own salary levels—and then set the tax thresholds to ensure that, whilst everyone else gets fucked, you take home as much as possible!

  • Pass tax legislation—and then exempt yourself from it!

  • Buy a second home and furnish it—all with someone else's money! Then sell the house and keep all of the profit for yourself—tax free!

  • Only work 150 days of the year—and only actually turn up for work for 50% of that time anyway!

  • Be a lazy, hypocritical, thieving, fraudulent cunt—and at someone else's expense!

Can anyone think of any more super, soar-away wins...?

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

bawwwwwww :(

where are the socialist coalitions when you need them?

Anonymous said...

Please forgive me Devil for asking this on your Comments.

What has happened to Guido Fawkes? Has he been closed down ?

By the way I've had a cow of a job opening your blog==errors freezes ,false reports of "Done" etc.

I thought they had got you as well !!!

Anonymous said...

Watch it Devil, I cannot get onto Guido's site either. Your site was slow to load as well, I wonder why? If it is more traffic, good for you, keep it up. As to penalties for the scum, back in my early engineering days, the favourite was "raping with red hot ragbolts", can we bring it back please.

Derek

Anonymous said...

Many Brits won't need the last 2 rewards because they already don't work and are already lazy hypocritical fraudsters.

High unemployment and endemic unionisationm, you know...

Anonymous said...

Oh buggrit. Devil your site has suddenly gone pretty crap.

All I have is the posts. No header no adverts, links or anything.

This is not your latest sleek design is it ?

ConstantlyFurious said...

This is fucking ridiculous. Some of these thieves are putting Our Money, Down Our Toilets. Bring on the court cases, bring on a General Election.

Devil's Kitchen said...

Anon,

"All I have is the posts. No header no adverts, links or anything."
Looks like poor connection to my server. I have switched the images to other sources, and hidden the Javascripts for the moment.

DK

David said...

You forgot the sodding great defined-benefit pension scheme that is completely out of the reach of mere mortals.

Looks like Guido's site has been borked by traffic and the SQL server has gone tits up. The price of popularity I guess.

Cinna said...

Are they not offering to pay for the winner's porn movies then?

David Gillies said...

You forgot the sodding great defined-benefit pension scheme that is completely out of the reach of mere mortals.

Looks like Guido's site has been borked by traffic and the SQL server has gone tits up. The price of popularity I guess.