Friday, May 08, 2009

How to save the taxpayer £3000



Is your water too hot?

Thinking about spending £3000 of taxpayers' money on a new boiler?

Here is a guide to solve your dilemma AT NO COST TO ANYONE!

1. Note the label 'C' on your tap. 'C' is actually a symbol representing cold water. The symbol is derived from the consonant 'c', which is the first letter in the word 'cold'.

2. Hot water comes from the tap marked 'H'.

3. If your taps are unlabelled, you can identify which produces hot or cold water by a simple process of experimentation and elimination. Try one, and then try the other. The tap producing cold water is the cold water tap

4. If your water is too hot, turn on the cold water tap. This will - for reasons related to physics - reduce the 'hotness' of your hot water.

11 comments:

Tim W said...

Unless you've got seperate taps. then its completely justified to steal cash to spend on a new joint tap - we can't have MPs living with anything but the very best...

Rob said...

Or have a thermostat fitted; or have the boiler on for less time each day...all of these solutions, however, would have saved money rather than pissed it away, so are unsuitable.

CryBaby said...

Doesn't he look like the ultimate tossing chump of the day?

We should check they're expenses every quarter although they need to stop allowing this shit altogether.

CryBaby said...

btw... I bet Uddin is relieved that she's not the only pig in the spotlight.

Anonymous said...

Your advice is flawed, Dada, for a very simple reason. You proceed from the erroneous assumption that Paul Murphy is intelligent enough to work two taps at the same time.

Mitch said...

You should get a job as a consultant to MPs you could make a killing or should tee hee!

Anonymongous said...

Nice explanation (you must have an A* in GCSE Physics)

Time for something a little trickier...how about explaining ethics to 600+ MPs?

Nothing fancy, just the difference between legal and moral...

Those little piggies think that the two concepts are identical. I believe the laws ought to be tighter, but that doesn't make ok to trough...

Rob said...

"We should check they're expenses every quarter"

Every quarter of an hour.

What it needs, of course, is a prosecution or two. Nothing like seeing a corrupt bastard behind bars to gee up the rest of them.

John A said...

Well... it does seem that it was not just the water for shaving his legs, but the heat throughout. Adjusting the thermostat - if there is one: my flat is heated by two gas heaters, neither with anything approximating a thermostat.

But this: "Under guidelines in the so-called ‘parliamentary Green Book’, members are told that they may not carry out any “repairs” which would add to the value of the property."

OK, I almost understand - upgrades should be the landlord's expense (which will of course be passed on to you in any event) if you are renting. But if you (and your bank) own the property? And too, why is replacement not considered repair under the rules?

dale said...

Dear Mr Devil,

I know its hot here in the bowels of hell but could you please see your way to turning the heat down a bit....

This tosser should be the first one to get roasted alive. Out of general principle if nothing else.

Andrew K said...

From the look of him, given THIS

"The former Northern Ireland secretary also made regular claims for food, usually between £200 and £300 a month."

He has probably undercalimed overall.