Monday, May 11, 2009

David Cameron: dishonest little cunt

"Surely that is a little harsh," you cry. "After all, Mr Buttered New Potato's expenses were pretty much above board (apparently)."

Well, yes, but his response to the crisis is to utter yet more weasel words about the fucking "system".
"(It is) another bad day for Parliament and, frankly, a bad day for the Conservative Party. We have to acknowledge just how bad this is. The public are really angry and we have to start by saying, look, this system that we had, that we used, that we operated, that we took part in—it was wrong and we're sorry about it."

Shut your face, you little shit. Look, we know that you are not a libertarian, but I am and I believe that people can decide for themselves what is right and what is wrong.

The system says that you can imprison someone for 42 days without charge—is that right? Not according to you.

The system says that you can issue ID Cards to every person in the country—is that right? Not according to you.

Do you see, Dave: the system is not the thing to blame—it is the individual venality of your individual MPs. Look we expect this shit of Labour, bunch of collectivist arseholes that they are, but you Tories are supposed to believe in the power of the individual to make the right choice.

What the fuck are you going to do now: lecture at us from your fucking gilded pulpit about how "ordinary people need to make responsible choices"? Why the fuck should they? Your fucking MPs couldn't be arsed to distinguish between right and wrong—why the fuck should anyone else bother?

That is the real point: we don't expect any better of socialists, but the actions of your MPs have undermined the entire Conservative principle of personal responsibility—they have fucked your entire philosophy, you slap-headed moron.

The Daily Mash has MPs' response pretty much nailed—that site is out-Devilling your humble Devil: in fact, it's no longer satire but serious comment.
THE system of parliamentary expenses is a corrupt, scum-sucking, piece-of-shit, bastarding thief, MPs insisted last night.

Members from all parties said the rules were a grubby, disgusting little scat-muncher and pledged a wide-ranging inquiry into how the system was somehow able to vote itself into existence in the first place.

As Labour proposed an independent audit committee in its latest deliberate attempt to miss the fucking point, MPs spoke openly about how they had been abused repeatedly by the expenses system.

Roy Hobbs, from Oldham, said: "I'd like to buy one of those four-slot Dualit toasters from John Lewis and spank him across the face with it so hard that I break both my wrists."

And Tom Logan, from Salford, added: "If you know that it's wrong now, then surely you knew it was wrong when you were spending my money doing up houses you bought with my money and then dodging capital gains tax even though you'd still have made a tidy profit and would, at least, have been able to return some of my money. You nauseatingly rancid lump of pox-ridden, cock-sucking pigshit."

The whole lot of you are ridden with corruption, Dave—all of you. You miserable, cock-sucking sacks of shit. Your MPs have exposed themselves as being as morally bankrupt as NuLabour—quite an achievement—and as morally compromised as the Speaker.

Harsh? Yes.

But, as I said above, it is because you and your party espouse an ideal of personal responsibility—and your MPs have have screwed that. Your MPs have, privatim et seriatim, taken the idea of personal responsibility and pissed all over it. Yes, and they have shat in its mouth too.

As my Nameless Libertarian colleague says...
But all the apologies, all the platitudes are completely fucking meaningless. The MPs aren't sorrow for this shameful scandal; they are sorry that they got caught. Had this not all come out, you can bet your last penny (which the taxman is probably eyeing up to pay for an MP's leaky tennis court somewhere) then the MPs would still be at their trough, gorging at your expense. The system is endemically corrupt; those in power are there simply to line their pockets. Damn right the public is angry - we should be at the gates of Parliament, screaming for mass resignations from the little piggies inside.

And yet we aren't—not yet—because we are decent people and not nearly as rapacious as your Inland Revenue. But you fuckers must know that you are finished: your day at the trough is ended and, I sincerely hope, your careers too.

We have been given a glimpse into how a Tory administration would conduct itself—and it is with as little grace and honour as your predecessors.

You stupid, stupid cunts.


steveshark said...

So gratifying to see the nail hit so squarely on the head.
Also note that Cameron apologises for the system - not his MPs' abuse of it.

AD627 said...

You are damning by association.

The government is to blame for the current mess, because it has failed to impose an effective system, despite having a massive majority for 12 years.

The Speaker is to blame for the current mess, because the protection and promotion of the integrity of the House of Commons is his responsibility.

Individual MPS - of all parties - that have abused the system are to blame for the current mess.

Tory MPs as a group are not to blame for the current mess.

You are going to become increasingly dull if you insist on denigrating every single individual outside the Libertarian Party, not least because that will require you to denigrate about 60 million Britons.

Anonymous said...

What I'd like to know is why you're at all surprised at this.
Do you not remember the tories were sent packing in 1997 because of the sleaze surrounding them.
Why on earth would anyone think they had changed in the intervening years.

They are all a bunch of swindeling buttfucks and I wouldn't vote for any of them.

Bald headed John

Giolla said...

AD627 - Damn the lot of them, unless you can find a single one who both hasn't abused the system and has spoken out publicly against the abuses of the system they must surely have known were going on.

Keeping silent on the matter makes them all complicit. They vote on the rules, they can try to table motions to change the rules. Hell they can even call the cops in to investigate yet they did none of these things.

Pa Annoyed said...

Well, surely you can denigrate at least a few million of them for voting corrupt politicians in?

The entire basis of free market capitalism is the self-interested maximisation of personal profit. Not because we think that's a good thing, but simply because we know that's how people are; it's Human Nature. It's a question of facing reality, and not how we would *like* reality to be.

The fundamental problem is not so much that they were untrustworthy, but that they were trusted. People are angry at least partly because they have been shown to be deluded fools - the party volunteers, the loyal voters, the paying party members.

It's simple. If you *want* an honest MP, you refuse to select them or vote them in until they promise to be audited and publish their accounts, like shareholders would insist of the officers of a company they owned. If you appoint them with no checks on their behaviour, you can hardly be bloody surprised at the result. Caveat emptor, mate.

Never, *ever*, trust anyone with your money.

And if you don't like any of the candidates on offer, that's a gap in the market that someone can fill. The problem is that people seem incapable of *organising* themselves, incapable of breaking out of the mindset that they can't do anything about it. That there can only be a couple of parties with any chance, and that you have to pick one of them. They don't seem *able* to realise that they can just start up and vote for one of their own.

It's a waste of time insulting and shouting at MPs. Why not shout at the bloody stupid voters for a bit, instead?

Chris said...


The current government didn't do anything in particular about it... but neither did the government before that, or the one before than, or the one before that. Conservative and Labour MPs have both regarded the issue with indifference and low-level corruption ever since the second home allowance was introduced, which was under a Tory government to begin with.

Anonymous said...

Cameron's attitude is the type that requires that the law define all acceptable behavior rather than the bare minimum. He is a complete and total asshole. There is no room for personal standards in his world. Everything is answered with "There ought to be a law." The national ethical muscle atrophies from disuse as the law defines all behavior and fear of arrest replaces personal choice. Thus is a culture destroyed as none are able to respond properly in a moral crisis because they know not what is right or wrong but only what is legal. When does Mr Hannan get to run the party? Or maybe you can convince to move over to the just side?

Anonymous said...

Time for inspector Plod to get the cuffs on these bastards.


My Cat said...

Cameron's a thought fascist. His A List, for example. Never mind the constituencies! Dave was going to employ his personal (to get him elected) standards regardless of the local will.

He is a nasty piece of work.

thefrollickingmole said...

Great now I have a vision of parlimentary democracy as a German scat film, thanks heaps....

"..and pissed all over it. Yes, and they have shat in its mouth too..."

If youd added 2 girls one cup (actually thats probably not a bad analogy of the system as it stands) I might have been slightly more revolted... well done.

Ps: If you havent seen 2 girls 1 cup then dont. Think of something bad, times it by ten, and then it gets worse, more than once...

Vicola said...

I'm pretty sure this is a cross party issue myself. No one lot is worse than another, they are all disgusting, trough-raiding pigs with their fat little snouts snuffling out every last tax payer funded penny they can get. I don't give a tiny rats arse if it was 'within the rules', if you're too fucking stupid to work out what is and what isn't morally wrong to charge for then you're too fucking stupid to be an MP. And if you know but charge for it anyway then you're too dishonest to be an MP. Wankers.

Rob said...

As someone once said, blaming this on 'the system' is like a burglar sending you a note saying he robbed your house because your door was unlocked.

It would be bad enough if MPs had had this 'system' imposed upon them; but THEY created it! How can you have the brass nerve to create a system which allows you to steal from the taxpayer and then blame that system when you are caught?

Anonymous said...

Dear Sir,
I have read about a chap who was stopped at Dover by customs and his van was searched.
It was apparently full of cigarettes. He wasn’t actually breaking any laws, just bending them a little,
in his favour.
Just like so many of our “leaders.”
His van and the load was confiscated and he was taken to court and charged with evading duty.
The court calculated he was attempting to evade about £5000 in duty.
He tried to apologise and pay back the money, but no one was taking any notice - as you would expect.
The court also decided he could have been doing this once a month, for the last five years.
So they ordered he should pay back to the government £300,000 in evaded duty, plus a fine of
£20,000. He didn’t happen to have anything like this amount available, so the court decided his
house must have been bought from the ill gotten gains he achieved from the cigarettes. This was confiscated,
his bank accounts were emptied and confiscated and he was sent to prison for eight years.
Some MP’s and Lords seem to not only been avoiding having to pay what they should, but to have been
dipping into the public purse and stuffing the money into their own pockets.
Ably assisted by the fees office.
Why isn’t exactly what happened to the “duty” thief … being done to these “expenses” thieves and the people that were helping (by being an accessory,) to the crime?
One law for us and .......?

Alfred said...

why cant people just write a letter to david cameron asking him to resign?

Anonymous said...

The whole stinking bunch of robbing cunts should have petrol thrown over them and set alight. The resulting mountain of pork crackling could then be forced down the thrapple of that daft cunt Michael Martin in the hope it chokes the auld bastard.


Richard said...

What a fantastic little conversation we have here - all because I typed 'David Cameron is a cunt' into google and this came up - enough said.

Horrible, oily little heap of shit. Will literally say anything to get these votes, I do seriously hope people can see through his fog of shit and see what the Tories really stand for - regressive, elitist and single minded policies - fuck everyone else, im making a fast buck.

Cameron has a son called Arthur - probably some misguided historical pro-british reference (as 'Artur' was a Celtic chieftan who fought at Baden Hill in the 6th century AGAINST the 'English' pagan saxon invaders). Do you think the party will vote on his new kids name? Something like 'freedom' or 'thrifty' to capture the public's imagination - oh wait they don't seem to have one.