Sunday, April 12, 2009

The wise Will Rhodes

This is a reply—a reply that I rather liked the poetry of—that your humble Devil left for a gentleman named Will Rhodes, who left a silly comment on a silly article at Liberal Conspiracy.
W. Rhodes,
You have this total bullshit idea that each person can negotiate simple things like healthcare

Hmmm, whereas you believe that humans are so stupid that they cannot look after themselves, yes? Well, I mean, of course you don't mean that you yourself are too stupid to look after yourself—you mean that those people on the estates, the ones you see on the news, they are too stupid to look after themselves. Far, far too stupid.

And ignorant. Don't forget the ignorance. Those people. On those estates. Too stupid. Too ignorant. They need Will Rhodes to look after them, to cuddle them and bring them to the promised land. They need Will Rhodes to guide them, and tell them what to do, don't they? Because Will Rhodes is much better and wiser than they. Those. Them. Those people... on the estates... and on the news, an' that. Need. They need Will Rhodes. That's right.
- you are anti-NHS, you are anti-social security, you are anti-minimum wage, everything that means a social society could work, you are in fact, anarchists in suits.

Well possibly. But are you telling me that society cannot work without the NHS? Or social security? Or the national minimum wage? You are wrong. Come, Will, let me take you back—through the mists of time, back through the aeons of history—to 1997, before the national minimum wage... Do you see? There's no society... Oooooh.

And now, after the introduction of the national minimum wage? Oh look, anyone who's labour is worth less than £5.73... well, what's happened to them? Oh, that's right: they can't get a job. And that means that they cannot improve their CV, so they will never, ever get a job.

Wow. Got to love that society. The society of Will Rhodes. Will Rhodes, great philanthropist. Will Rhodes, who is going to employ all those who can now never get a job. "Thank you, Will Rhodes: thank you for leading us to the land of milk and honey!" That is what these unfortunates will cry. "Thank you, Will Rhodes, for making our decisions for us: thank you for realising that we are too stupid and ignorant to make our own decisions... Thank you, Will Rhodes, for telling us what to do with our stupid, ignorant lives."

You know, Will Rhodes, I have private health insurance. And private social security—alias a pension and unemployment insurance. These three things cost me a little less than £170 per month. Or, to put that in perspective, half the NICs contributions of a person on the median wage. There are alternatives (and the benefits are better too).
The holier-than-thou attitude sickens me with libertarians - “We have it right and no one else can understand this” bullshit needs to be dropped.

Because, of course, you social democrats, soft socialists—or whatever you call yourselves these days—certainly don't have a holier-than-thou attitude, do you, Will Rhodes? You haven't just spent the first part of your comment detailing why libertarians are evil and wrong at all, have you, Will Rhodes? There's certainly nothing holier-than-thou about your comment, Will Rhodes, and I'll hit anyone who says so, Will Rhodes, you watch me. Oh yes.

And there is nothing in any way hypocritical about the phrase that you used. You know, Will Rhodes, this one:
“We have it right and no one else can understand this” bullshit needs to be dropped.

Yes, that "we have it right" bullshit needs to be dropped, doesn't it, Will Rhodes? It needs to be dropped because only you have it right: we libertarians certainly cannot be right, because only Will Rhodes is right. You know, that Will Rhodes who is there to guide the people... those ones on the estates... and the news... you know the ones: the ignorant ones, Will Rhodes, the stupid ones—the ones who are too ignorant and stupid to run their own lives, and who welcome and praise the wise Will Rhodes... the Will Rhodes who has led them, guided them, told them what to do and led them, the ignorant and the stupid, to the land of milk and honey.
You want a society where everyone is left to fend for themselves, boot-straps and no legs and all that. Your ideal is sick.

Whereas you want a society in which people are forced—under threat of fines, and imprisonment, and bankruptcy, and worse—to pay for your personal moral convictions. That is, people should hand over half of everything that they work hard to earn so that you, Will Rhodes, can feel that your personal morals have been catered to, so that you, Will Rhodes, are excused the dirty and unpleasant task of actually going and helping those stupid, ignorant people... you know the ones: you've seen them on the estates, and the news. You know, the stupid ones. The ignorant ones. You know...

You want to ensure that everyone pays, regardless of their own personal morals, so that you, Will Rhodes, can feel good about yourself, so that the state can carry out your morals, so that the state can assuage your personal convictions, your guilt, without you actually having to go and personally get your hands dirty. And yet, somewhere, people will be crying to the heavens, "thank you, Will Rhodes, for leading us to the land of milk and honey! We want to thank you, Will Rhodes, but we don't know what you look like; for we haven't seen you, Will Rhodes, we haven't seen your face. We have only seen the social workers, and the DHSS officers, and the myriad messengers that you send to us. We wish to thank you, Will Rhodes, for leading us—the stupid and the ignorant—to the land of milk and honey. Thank you, wise Will Rhodes!"

And you call my ideal "sick"! It is you who are sick, Will Rhodes, but I am sure that the stupid and the ignorant... you know, them wot you've seen on the estates, and the news... I am sure that they are grateful that you were able to order their lives.


Yes, I have been watching Stuart Lee's Comedy Vehicle. And yes, it was a conscious imitation of his style. And no, I may not have succeeded, but I liked it anyway...

UPDATE: I'm glad that I posted the comment here, because someone over at Liberal Conspiracy seems to have decided to sabotage the original—specifically, by removing all of the vowels. Luckily, the wisdom of Will Rhodes is preserved at The Kitchen, for posterity.

UPDATE 2: here is Will Rhodes' hilariously bad deconstruction of the LPUK manifesto. Amongst other things, this is a gem...
Now, we have to take into account that Libertarians don’t agree with regulation, so, in any crisis like there is now in the world - the regulators would not be able to do anything - including any law - because there would be no regulation, so Bernie Madoff and his ilk would have free reign - but they then say that they would regulate without fear or favour? OK - so which is it?

Um... Will? A Ponzi Scheme is a fraud: that is why it is illegal. The central philosophical point of libertarianism is the non-aggression principle: it is illegal to initiate force or fraud against another person's life, liberty or property. So, Bernie Madoff would not have "free reign".

If you are talking about enforcement, please remember that Madoff was not caught by regulators for 40 years. And he was only caught because he confessed to his sons what he had been doing when the money ran out, and they dobbed him in.

Other highlights of Will's commentary include discussing the LPUK education policy—which is based on the Swedish voucher system (which works rather better than our system)—without once discussing whether it might have a better outcome for the kiddies. Luckily, he does worry about the teachers—because that's why we have an education system, isn't it?—for the benefit of the teachers.

Fucking hellski.


eastanglianking said...

Will Rhodes, elsewhere you bleat about the Devil using a lot of words.It is called a COMPREHENSIVE DEMOLITION of you, you Hoon.So Fuck off and die!

Anonymous said...

hahahahaha excellent!

Hysteria said...

brilliant DK

MrAngryman said...

Excellent demolition of a sanctimonious twat!

sjbaker said...

Utterly superb. And without swearing too!

Anonymous said...

Removing all the vowels? Wow. That's both mature and demonstrative of their commitment to free speech.

Longrider said...

That these jerks disemvowelled your comment says all we need to know about them. Twats. Never mind answering the points you made.

mark "some cunt" wallace said...

breakfast? i'll have a coffee. and a naan. a coffee. and a naan.

sconzey said...

this is fantastic. DK, I love you

Plant Pot said...

I was a student with a prick called Will Rhodes at Newcastle. Always wondered what happened to him...

Roger Thornhill said...

DK, well said.

It sums up how I feel and say (though not in that way).

The Left are masters of inversion, and Will Rhodes does it in spades.

As for LC, well, shame on them for the censorship. Can't have anyone suffering from dissonance, now can we?

Tomrat said...

Borrowed a bit from your second update, hope you dont mind.

Brilliant fun annoying those at Social Democrat Conspiracy; gonna limit myself to one look a week or will have to change my short for laughing too hard...

Think I annoyed the rodent.