Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Inaugural speech

Via Dunhill Monster and Samizdata, I find this rather wonderful Obama inauguration speech generator. Here, for your delectation, is my little effort...
Barack Obama's Inauguration Speech

My fellow Americans, today is a tedious day. You have shown the world that "hope" is not just another word for "toilet", and that "change" is not only something we can believe in again, but something we can actually fake.

Today we celebrate, but let there be no mistake—America faces perverted and adversarial challenges like never before. Our economy is fucked. Americans can barely afford their mortgages, let alone have enough money left over for meths. Our healthcare system is borked. If your heart is sick and you don't have insurance, you might as well call a web designer. And America's image overseas is tarnished like a Essex slut. But swearing together we can right this ship, and set a course for Hell.

Finally, I must thank my frozen family, my desperate campaign volunteers, but most of all, I want to thank atheists for making this historic occasion possible. Of course, I must also thank you, President Bush, for years of molly-coddling the American people. Without your bitter efforts, none of this would have been possible.

This is something of a preview, if you will, of what I will say when I am Grand High Dictator of the World. Or maybe I'll say something more interesting and less platitudinous...

7 comments:

xelent said...

Good try DK, I had a smirk..

here's a particularly good interpretation of the Obama speech. Perhaps more serious, but no less cynical..

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=ymHMY4P3OPM&feature=channel_page

Budgie said...

Obama is like a double glazing sales man "Can I change your windas, squire?"

Loose change makes a hole in your pocket.

Anonymous said...

To be fair to Obama, he`s only been in office for one day and the American economy is already showing signs of recovery. Some companys have seen a huge rise in sales, such as rope makers and pillow case producers.

Mac the Knife said...

It's a fun toy isn't it?

Seriously DK, thanks for setting up Fake Charities, I think that may grow into a valuable weapon given time.

I've dragged in my first dead rat, and I'm sure I'll deliver more.

Less lies, more science. It's a shame the Ben Goldacres of this world can't see that all shit science is dangerous, not just the ones that offend their prejudices.

Crack on sunshine... :)

Fred Preuss said...

I hope that that's the last time we see so many clergy at any political event anywhere in the free world. If they'd been wearing turbans, it could have been Teheran.

UDM said...

From the BBC's completely impartial North America editor Justin Webb, on the Inauguration Day live text commentary: "Perhaps all rush-hours for the next 8 years will be celebrations". No need to bother with an election after four years, eh Justin.

Could have sworn he also wrote "the White House, their home for the next eight years" a bit further down, but on checking it says 'four', unless they changed it since the day. Surly the beeb wouldn't retrospectively change an 'as it happens' post. Surly?

JP said...

"To be fair to Obama, he`s only been in office for one day and the American economy is already showing signs of recovery. Some companys have seen a huge rise in sales, such as rope makers and pillow case producers."

Let's not forget the guns and ammunition industries...business is booming!

BTW, have you fellows seen the crooked bastard Herr Obama nominated for Secretary of the Treasury? The crooked fuck doesn't even pay his own fucking taxes!