(nb. I am not DK)
I see Alcohol Concern have been talking their shite again, bitching about Wetherspoons selling pints for 99p and kissing Liam Donaldson's fat ginger arse.
It's bad enough that we pay for this fake charity through our taxes without seemingly genuine charities syphoning off more money to the cunts, but that is exactly what Comic Relief have been doing.
In 2004, Comic Relief funded Alcohol Concern and London Drug and Alcohol Network to produce an online toolkit that would help local alcohol leads develop and implement cross cutting local alcohol strategies.
Since Red Nose Day is looming ahead of us like a hideous but unavoidable dose of flu, I thought I might fire off a quick e-mail.
As a long-time supporter of Comic Relief I was troubled to discover that you donated £60,000 to Alcohol Concern in 2007. This is a state-funded pressure group that is rarely out of the news due to its relentless lobbying for such fun policies as higher taxes and the abolition of happy hour.
I very much resent having to pay for these puritans through my taxes and to think that I might be giving them so much as a brass farthing via Comic Relief is frankly too much too bear.
I hope you can reassure me that you have no plans to finance these people again in 2009 otherwise I will be forced to start donating to your bitter rivals at Children In Need.
PS. It would also be nice if you could refrain from releasing an unfunny novelty record but I suspect that is too much to ask.
I'm not being facetious in describing myself as a long-time supporter. I do genuinely think that Comic Relief do good work but what the fuck are they doing associating with arseholes like Alcohol Concern?
Ironically, Comic Relief only started funding UK charities because a certain section of the Great British pleblic suspected that money given to Africa ends up getting spent on AK-47s and palaces. Well fuck that. If the alternative is giving it to Alcohol bastard Concern, then let's throw them the cash and ask no questions.