Monday, December 22, 2008

Melanie Reid: fucking total moron of the week. Or maybe the year.

Via The Longrider, I have come across Melanie Reid's latest excuse for a column, one which I can only assume is one massive and terrifically unfunny joke.

However, since it is a lot more fun to assume that this piss-ignorant harridan's contribution to the comment section of a national newspaper is meant in all seriousness, I am going to treat it as though this silly bitch was actually serious.

The headline pretty much sums up the whole piece-of-shit wittering:
Boost voluntary work: make it compulsory

What. The. Fuck? Seriously, this is some sort of Orwellian nightmare that I'm living in, isn't it? What's the next headline that I'm going to see—"Abolish rape: make it voluntary"...?

To "volunteer" means to do something by choice, Melanie, you fucking moron. Or does it?
What we must do, I suggest, is introduce a new concept of universal compulsory volunteering. (As practised in the Army: “Right lads, we need three volunteers - you, you and you.”)

Uh... Yes, well, Mel: the point is that, in this day and age, people actually do volunteer (used in the correct sense, not the Mel sense) for the Army; they have that initial choice, you see.
Everyone aged 12 to 85 would have to devote a minimum of 12 days a year to the service of others - causes of any kind, as long as they are worthwhile. It might be giving financial advice to a charity, walking dogs, mentoring young offenders, gardening for the elderly. People could choose; but they must make a commitment.

Look, you triple-cursed cunt, that is not volunteering: that is slavery. Do you understand the concept? Forcing people to work when they would not voluntarily do so is called slavery. Shall I spell it out for you, you stupid fuck?

S. L. A. V. E. R. Y.

Get it? No? Oh, for fuck's sake... Um... Well, how about a definition?

Fucking hellski, woman, why don't you fuck off and die?

But wait! it gets worse! ("Is that actually possible?" I hear you cry. Yes, yes it is.)
Vital to its success would be forcing employers to facilitate it. We would require legislation to ring-fence those 12 days off - maybe on half-pay - to work for others. Radical, but simple.

Oh, riiiiiiight; so, what you actually want is for people to get paid, by the businesses that employ them, to do this compulsory volunteering. Now I see. Why don't you join the government, you hideous old harridan?

Because, your attitude is very reminiscent of NuLabour's, isn't it? "Ah, yes, well, we'd like you to have to do some improving work, but... wait! These people have loads of votes. Shit! What are we going to do?

"I know: we'll make it seem like they are making a sacrifice, but we'll ensure that these lovely voters don't lose too much: we'll make all of these eeeeeeevil non-voting companies pay for it! It's magic money! Hoorah!"

Fuck you, Melanie Reid: fuck you right in the face. Why don't you bugger off and get voluntarily raped...?

21 comments:

Anonymous said...

If La Reid has her way, our very persons are to be the property of the state to be sequestred, used and abused at the whim of whichever gang of wastrels has stolen the reins of the power (although, natch, there'll be get-out clauses for politicians, Labour Party members in good standing, anyone in receipt of benefits and anyone whose first language is Urdu).

What a fucking outstanding idea. Might I suggest, as an addendum to the redefinition of voluntary work, that everyone should be required to contribue one third of their income to charity? No-one could object - the money will go to people who need it and, anyway, it's not like it's tax.

Jock Coats said...

So, would it be okay for a private company, well a co-operative actually, to make its trainees find a worthy cause and do voluntary work for it one day a week for two years?

Because as I understand it, that's what Nationwide at least used to do on its fast track graduate management program - they had to do one day a week or one week a month, their choice, working for a charity of their choice.

They were paid of course, and there could easily be business benefits in getting their soon to be decision makers out of the office and doing something completely different one day a week, and it's not on a par with Reid's suggestion.

Devil's Kitchen said...

"So, would it be okay for a private company, well a co-operative actually, to make its trainees find a worthy cause and do voluntary work for it one day a week for two years?"

If that is part of the contract that they voluntarily signed, yes, of course it would.

But that's not what Mel's suggesting, is it? She's suggesting that companies be forced to make their employees do this.

And who forces the unemployed to do it?

DK

chris said...

12 days? Pah! Personally I voluntarily devote 345 days a year to the service for others, and they find my services so good they are willing pay me for it. Its called a job.

If Melanie Reid thinks that my time can be better spent walking some doggies then she is free to try and outbid my current arrangement. It is her money so she can do what she wants with it. By which I don't mean that she gets the thugs in government to take my money so she can give it back to me, I mean the money that she gets for her whitterings. Her forcing me to work as a sop to her conscience is nothing but slavery and this country has a noble history of hunting down and destroying slavers.

DavidNcl said...

No Devil. No. No. No.

We should let them do it. It's win win win all the way for us.

Just think how the fucking sanctimonious twats giving time to Oxfam or the Red Cross shop are going to feel. Imagine one of (Leg Iron's) Righteous running a soup kitchen or shelter - they'll be mistaken for poor twats being made to do it instead of the morally superior beings they perceive themselves to be.

Plus can you imagine the resentment of those actually forced (on half pay ffs) to man a Childline phone or plant sustainable orchards for the community.

This could be the end of the NSPCC, then end of Shelter, the end of Crisis at Christmas, the end of altruism. I fucking love it.

Is there any way we can egg them on?

chris said...

@Davidncl
Good point, bagsy the Samaritans.

Gareth said...

Something important to remember is the recent rash of do-gooder interfering taxpayer funded busybodying is largely thanks to Obama.

He mentioned in His campaign a plan to get people volunteering. Cue all and sundry of the Islington set thinking this is a great idea and jumping on the bandwagon. So deaf are they to the outside world they did not notice Obama wind his neck in from saying it would be compulsory.

Davidncl,

The first step down this route was gift aid. The point at which the taxpayer was roped into donating 'because it is right' (as is so often the justification from the Righteous), is when it stopped being charidy.

They will never see it your way, despite you being bob on.

Anonymous said...

OK, so people are forced to "volunteer". Who for? Charities? I bet under such a scheme employers and the government would suddenly want to impose even more rules and regulations and targets on charities. Charities would go under.

I have done voluntary work in the community for decades. I don't want to work alongside people that don't want to be there. I was also a soldier. I was quite happy not to have to serve alongside people that didn't want to be there.

Mild Colonial Boy, Esq. said...

Since she is proposing to bring in a corvée for the serfs - Droit de seigneur can only be around the corner.

The Nameless Libertarian said...

Staggering - this must be some new definition of volunteering that I haven't heard about. Enforced volunteering - what, like the Hitler Youth?

This woman is either stupid or evil. Or, possibly, both.

TNL

Neal Asher said...

Gareth beat me to pointing out that this a straight steal from Obama. But that's okay of course. He's the new Messiah and can do no wrong.

Anonymous said...

"Everyone aged 12 to 85 would have to devote a minimum of 12 days a year to the service of others - causes of any kind, as long as they are worthwhile."

Personally I'd choose to spend my 12 days tracking, hunting and killing Melanie dipshit Reid in the most painful way I could think of. I don't think anyone could argue that was not worthwhile...

Z.

James Higham said...

Bstds - compulsory voluntary work. Creating the slave class. That's it. I'm buying weapons now.

David Davis (not that one, the other one) said...

My wife tells me that they had something similar under communism in Poland. Except that they couldn't dragoon 40 million unwilling Catholic adults, many of whom still had guns, so they just did this to schoolchildren instead.

In the Polish system, the "planners" also told you what you had volunteered for. In her case it was often harvesting potatoes...in a large field....with a spade.

Tomrat said...

And so the march of communitarianism continues unabated; when will someone give this awful shit the heave-ho and leave me the fuck alone?

What makes me really sick is that it is this type of mentality, aka "the world owes me a living, that has caused so many people to lose the desire to volunteer. In my fagpacket calculations here and now I must volunteer at least 13 days in time, per year (approximately 300 hours).

It is this mentality - the one so brazenly adopted by many of the parents of the poor kids we help - that we are somehow there to act as babysitter, financiers and social workers, coupled with the overwhelming desire to make us all into productive little drones making tractors for the state - that has killed the desire to help our fellow man; I would also add the number of "faux" charities that are currently getting huge kickbacks from ZNL aren't helping - I wouldn't even give the grubbing bastards a penny, no matter how many starving children they show me (feed them instead you clown-shoes!)

(Note: please mind the language, this subject gets me very riled up).

Bishop Brennan said...

I am amused by the idea of my being forced to volunteer for something like the Samaritans...

- (me) Hello
- (caller) Hello. I'm feeling suicidal.
- (me) Did you vote Labour at the last election?
- (numpty) Yes.
- (me) Then I completely understand why you might want to kill yourself. I think you should go ahead. A box of Neurofen should do the trick. Goodbye.

Thank God I can go and live abroad...

show me the benefits said...

How are you going to volunteer the thousands of illegal immigrants in to a plan like this?

I know... stop their benefits until they agree!

Anonymous said...

My garden needs a good seeing to..

That's a good cause - well - it's green (ish) and I can't be arsed.

Any 'volunteers'....

Bob said...

I don't feel safe any more without a gun. Pretty soon we will all need one, to protect us from the government.

Anonymous said...

I was so glad when she left The Herald and fucked off to The Times.

Anonymous said...

I love this post.
I hate Ms. Reid.

She manages to piss everyone off.