Jacqui Smith says public demand means people will be able to pre-register for an ID card within the next few months.
The cards will be available for all from 2012 but she said: "I regularly have people coming up to me and saying they don't want to wait that long."
What—really? Like who? And how many do you have coming up to you and saying that they don't want them ever and why don't you fuck off you evil harpy, I wonder?
But you can imagine the way that Jacqui will have touted them, can't you?
"Fear not, citizens! Simply get one of these cards and we will stop those nasty Poles and those dirty brown people from stealing your jobs!"
"Fear not, citizens! Get an ID card and you will not have to sign on anymore: the money will simply roll into your accounts!"
Yes, I can imagine that were she to put it like that, many of the people in this benighted country may well have said, "can I one of them ID cards the now, please?"
Opposition parties say they would scrap the ID card scheme. The Tories call it a "complete waste of money". The Lib Dems call it a "laminated poll tax".
It's interesting to note that the opposition parties' main thrust should be the cost, don't you think? Where are the points about the whole scheme being a disgusting imposition upon the people of a supposedly free country, or it being a reversal of the whole principle of democracy (that the politicians serve us, not the other way around), or that the whole misconceived project is one of an unbelievably totalitarian nature?
Dear fucking hell, but I hate them all so very, very much...
UPDATE: I meant to cover this sooner, but I am absolutely and hilariously entertained to see that No2ID have managed to get hold of Jacqui's fingerprints at last.
Jacqui Smith gave a speech today at midday on ID cards to an audience invited by the Social Market Foundation, at the end of the event the glass she was drinking from during the Q & A was whisked away* by a NO2ID sympathiser. This picture was taken this lunchtime - the glass is now undergoing a technical process at an undisclosed location. This will not only identify Big Jacqui's fingerprints, it will allow them to create a plastic foil stamp that will enable anyone to leave her fingerprints behind.
Excellent! I would pay a reasonable amount of money to own one of those stamps, I think. And it seems that No2ID are indeed working on it.
Still, don't worry, Jacqui: if you have nothing to hide, you've got nothing to fear, right?
UPDATE 2: as usual, The Daily Mash is hilarious, in a slightly terrifying way...
Jacqui Smith insisted there was widespread public support for state-sponsored beatings and being asked to hand over your papers.
She said: "People have been coming up to me in the street and demanding I set about them with a baseball bat.
"And you would not believe the number of people who have already applied to be stripped naked and thrown in a police cell with a single, bare light bulb that is on 24 hours a day while being pummeled with a high pressure hose whenever they try to go to sleep.
"I ask them 'would you not want to know what you'd been charged with?' and they say 'no, of course not, that would be a victory for Al Qaeda'."
She added: "As I've always said, the vast majority of sensible people in this country understand that being at the business end of a brutal and unprovoked assault will actually make them safer."
We'd all be a lot safer if it were Jacqui Smith who was on the business end of a fatal assault (it would not be unprovoked)...