Sunday, November 09, 2008

Jacqui Smith: big-titted, lying scumbag

Actually, of course, I couldn't give a crap about the size of her tits (although she doesn't seem shy of flaunting them at every opportunity) but I do find myself outraged at the sheer scale of the lies that she tells.
Jacqui Smith says public demand means people will be able to pre-register for an ID card within the next few months.

The cards will be available for all from 2012 but she said: "I regularly have people coming up to me and saying they don't want to wait that long."

What—really? Like who? And how many do you have coming up to you and saying that they don't want them ever and why don't you fuck off you evil harpy, I wonder?

But you can imagine the way that Jacqui will have touted them, can't you?
"Fear not, citizens! Simply get one of these cards and we will stop those nasty Poles and those dirty brown people from stealing your jobs!"

Or, perhaps...
"Fear not, citizens! Get an ID card and you will not have to sign on anymore: the money will simply roll into your accounts!"

Yes, I can imagine that were she to put it like that, many of the people in this benighted country may well have said, "can I one of them ID cards the now, please?"
Opposition parties say they would scrap the ID card scheme. The Tories call it a "complete waste of money". The Lib Dems call it a "laminated poll tax".

It's interesting to note that the opposition parties' main thrust should be the cost, don't you think? Where are the points about the whole scheme being a disgusting imposition upon the people of a supposedly free country, or it being a reversal of the whole principle of democracy (that the politicians serve us, not the other way around), or that the whole misconceived project is one of an unbelievably totalitarian nature?

Dear fucking hell, but I hate them all so very, very much...

UPDATE: I meant to cover this sooner, but I am absolutely and hilariously entertained to see that No2ID have managed to get hold of Jacqui's fingerprints at last.
Jacqui Smith gave a speech today at midday on ID cards to an audience invited by the Social Market Foundation, at the end of the event the glass she was drinking from during the Q & A was whisked away* by a NO2ID sympathiser. This picture was taken this lunchtime - the glass is now undergoing a technical process at an undisclosed location. This will not only identify Big Jacqui's fingerprints, it will allow them to create a plastic foil stamp that will enable anyone to leave her fingerprints behind.

Excellent! I would pay a reasonable amount of money to own one of those stamps, I think. And it seems that No2ID are indeed working on it.

Still, don't worry, Jacqui: if you have nothing to hide, you've got nothing to fear, right?

UPDATE 2: as usual, The Daily Mash is hilarious, in a slightly terrifying way...
Jacqui Smith insisted there was widespread public support for state-sponsored beatings and being asked to hand over your papers.

She said: "People have been coming up to me in the street and demanding I set about them with a baseball bat.

"And you would not believe the number of people who have already applied to be stripped naked and thrown in a police cell with a single, bare light bulb that is on 24 hours a day while being pummeled with a high pressure hose whenever they try to go to sleep.

"I ask them 'would you not want to know what you'd been charged with?' and they say 'no, of course not, that would be a victory for Al Qaeda'."

She added: "As I've always said, the vast majority of sensible people in this country understand that being at the business end of a brutal and unprovoked assault will actually make them safer."

We'd all be a lot safer if it were Jacqui Smith who was on the business end of a fatal assault (it would not be unprovoked)...


Blue Eyes said...

the opposition parties' main thrust should be the cost

Because, sadly, a lot of people *do* want them and appealing to people's wallets is probably more effective than appealing to their better judgement.

The Penguin said...

Fucking kebab scoffing oxygen thief Jackie Spliff will find it strange once she has to get her snout out of the trough and try and find a proper job post the next general election.

Maybe she could work in a kebab shop, preferably one that sells pies as well, otherwise she might lose a few chins and another stone or two of ugly fat as well.

The kebab shop and pies route would be quite good as speeding up the day her arteries are too clogged to cope any more.

I expect the crematorium will have to take special care and get advice from 'elf and safety over the dangers of burning all that fat. They will have to apply the rules known by then as The Prescott Precautions, and serious money will be made from trading her Carbon Footprint into the Third World. So she'll eventually have been useful to someone.

The Penguin
Penguinus Fivechinsistoomanyforus

Anonymous said...

Oh piss off, Blue Eyes. The only people who "want" them (and for us, not for "them") are the scumbag politicians.

Blue Eyes said...

I know several people who either don't see the harm or actively want them! Depressing but true.

Longrider said...

Anon, I've had conversations with people who "do" want them (I particularly recall the taxi driver in Lincoln who regaled me with his desire for one to sort the country out). The hard of thinking beguiled by the keeping out foreigners tack, or the "we had them in the war" argument, or the ever present "terrorist or paedophile on every street corner" guff.

Not many people, I agree, but they are out there and they do believe the "nothing to hide, nothing to fear" nonsense. It is foolish to ignore that fact; that these people are out there and do believe politicians' lies.

Roger Thornhill said...

When Jaiquekey Smith says: "I regularly have people coming up to me and saying they don't want to wait that long."

I wonder if she is editing out the last part, which might be "...before people rise up and string you up from the nearest lamp post out of intense outrage".

The opposition parties are focusing on the cost as I suspect that will be a "concession" thrown to the masses later on to try and diffuse the outrage.

DavidNcl said...

Demand for them to some extent exists although it's manufactured. For instance I withdrew several thousand pounds of cash from a building society a few months ago and had real difficulties since I do not have a passport. This is supposedly due to anti-terrorism / drug money laundering laws.

I am of course implacably opposed to ID cards. In fact I will go to prison before carrying one - and I rather think there will be millions of people like me.

George said...

The vast majority of those informed about the ID Card scheme are entirely opposed.

No matter what is thrown at them in opposition, they won't back down. This is the hallmark of authoritarian governments.

Leg-iron said...

Blue Eyes is right. Many have fallen for the spin that these cards will 'help fight terrorism' even though the news tells us that all the terrorists we have to worry about are already British citizens, so will have cards like everyone else. So the police will still stop and search anyone, card or no card. It won't make a jot of difference.

All the same, it's true that there are many who think (or rather, allow their government to think for them), that the cards will be a good thing.

What George says is also true. Those who know what the cards really mean are opposed - but there are still too many who don't know what they really mean.

Don't forget, Sainsbury's are having to educate their staff in basic literacy and numeracy now. That's how thick the population has become under Labour. I don't mean that in a disparaging way. It's just a fact. As the Tiny Blur demonstrated, if you say the word 'Education' three times quickly, it magically disappears. The population are stupid because that's what Labour wanted.

It's not a good idea to fall into the trap of thinking everyone knows what these buggers are up to, because far too many don't. They won't read this either. They only use the Internet for games and porn.

There were those who saw what Hitler was up to from the outset. Those who didn't, voted him in.

So let's not underestimate the spin doctors. They won't work on anyone here, but there are a hundred, perhaps a thousand times as many who will accept it all and get back to their Xboxes and plasma screens untroubled by the cage closing around them.

It's for their own good. Far too many really believe it is.

Perhaps, instead of trying to communicate with 646 people who we know will not hear what we are saying, we might be better trying to reach the millions who might?

John Pickworth said...

"It's interesting to note that the opposition parties' main thrust should be the cost, don't you think? "

I agree the argument should be about the higher ideals of freedom and liberty. Sadly far too many people are prepared to give up some of their freedom to rid us of the menace of terrorism and Paedos.

What does grab their attention though are the personal costs to their own wallets.

Personally I prefer to argue on the inconvenience that the scheme will cause everyone. Once people are aware of the times they're going to need to show their cards their enthusism dries up. Hence also why the Gov' is moving away from the ID Centers - they know people simple won't give up a day of their lives to wait for the nice lady to check your papers and take your fingerprints.

And again, for the record, I will always refuse to accept an ID Card. Its either a fishing boat to France for me or prison.

Anonymous said...

"fishing boat to France for me"
Don’t you have to show ID in France ? Isn’t this ( the EU ) where all this shit has come from ?

Nathaniel Tapley said...

"I regularly have people coming up to me and saying they don't want to wait that long."

She probably does. The people in question being Gordon Brown, Jack Straw, the Opposition front bench, every member of the Parliamentary Labour Party. There are probably about 650 people who really, really can't wait...

dirty dingus said...

Don’t you have to show ID in France ? Isn’t this ( the EU ) where all this shit has come from ?

The French ID card is a pointless piece of laminated paper that could be forged by anyone with a colour printer. French officialdom prefers that you back it up with your electricity bill (or other utility bill but they prefer EDF).

When I commented on this over at my blog I suggested that when (if?) the early sign up registry opens people might like to sign up in the name and address of certain other deserving people such as ms J Smith

Anonymous said...

Agree with davidncl.

The demand for these things will be manufactured. My 30 year old partner (who sure as shit doesn't look 17, or 21, or whatever other stupid rule these places impose) was recently IDed whilst trying to buy a bottle of wine in a supermarket. Without a photo ID (one of which she was of course not carrying at the time) she was unable to have any booze. We were outraged to say the least.

It won't be long before the only way you'll be able to get hold of anything will be through accompanying photo ID, the most convenient form of which will of course just happen to be the HMG ID card.

Tom Taylor said...

All this time we've waited to be locked up by some draconian goverment indefinatly and without charge or trial, and now, an elected representetive of the people, jacqui smith, is now helping us attrain such a goal.

Thanks alot you fucking moronic dictating stupid bitch.

Anonymous said...

excellent blog. i hate the fucking lesbian whore. i hate the whole fucking lot of em. they got the name right when they called themselves labour, i.e. we do all the labour and live a life a drugdgery under the capitalist jackboot while the rich and corrupt enjoy life under a umbrella of socialism, the government and elite seem to still think this is the 18th century and that we should all just work to make them rich and shut our mouths.
There is a Revolution about to happen, its about time because its taken around 500 years of abuse by these fuckers for us to awaken, but the anger is growing, the knowledge is growing, the resentment is tangible, and whats more they know its coming, they read history too you know! so this is the reason they are obsessed with id cards, this is why they wanted to bang people up without charge for 90 or so days,42 days is bad enough. This is why we have a civil contingency act, (if you really want to scare yourself read that document).
This is why Gordon brown seems obsessed about the government having the right to assume ownership of your internal organs, even though this country has the fascilities only to perform five transplants a week and we are already burying and cremating healthy organs, obviously brown isnt happy with the 13 million already on the donor register, he wants everyones organs even though they cant be installed, not in this counrty anyway.
This is why the bitch in question jacqui smith is trying to enable a law that will allow the government to to digitise every phone call you make, every text you send, and every email you launch, and every website you browse.
This i why im sharpening my spear, i for one will resist this fascist regime and will look forward to seeing blair,brown,bush,cheyney,rumsfeld,rockerfella, and all these murdering conspiring sons of dogs swing from the gallows after what will be the greatest trial in history where the people will see justice done once and for all, capitalism will be dissolved and the illusion of democracy defrocked like the local whore. god bless you all :) lol

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Jim said...

i'm afraid Jacqui Smith has lost all credability after the expenses claims nonsense.