Monday, September 22, 2008

Gorgon, please fucking stop, OK?

For fuck's sake! You can't open a paper or flick past a news channel without seeing some new fucking relaunch codswallop:

All schoolchildren will have access to the internet at home under plans to give families £700 to get online, Gordon Brown will announce.




Just fucking stop, OK? Enough with the headline-grabbing initiatives that involve pissing our money away on pointless fucking fripperies. Most people are going to use that £700 for groceries, the less mentally able will spunk it out on a new PS3 and a cock ring.

And please, please fucking stop with the "won't someone think of the children" shit. The children aren't going to vote for you, you monocular cunt. We know you're just trying to bribe us with all this family-friendly make-believe cuntwaftery.

The country's going down the shitter, it's time to batten down the hatches and stop chucking money around like a drunken sailor in a room full of prostitutes.

Stop fucking wasting our money. OUR money, money that we've worked for. Stop pissing it around in a desperate and futile attempt to keep your job. You're fucking useless at it. Accept it, it won't kill you.

But if you don't stop, we might.

33 comments:

Anonymous said...

Fucking hell! First thing tomorrow I'm telling my lads headteacherthingy that we are skint and can no longer afford to surf for porn, then I can claim that jockanish cunts 700 quid and spunk it on a weekend for me and the wife in Barcelona! Cheeers, you bock-eyed cunt!
Anon, 'cos I'm pissed and can't remember my login!

Andi said...

Will this be like the Home Computer Initiative (HCI) that was meant to give people tax-free access to purchase a computer? You know, the scheme that was introduced by Gordo, and scrapped later that same week?

The clueless fuckbuscit.

TheFatBigot said...

Oh Mr Noxio, you have excelled yourself with the piccy of the, ahem, intertwined gentlemen with beards and hippy hair. I laughed my botty off.

Toque said...

You'd better believe that the children won't vote for him.

leg-iron said...

You can get £700 if you have a family?

I'm off out to kidnap a few, if they're worth that much.

Anonymous said...

The PS3 is for homosexuals. Real men embrace the awesome that is the Xbox 360.

Call me Infidel said...

I want to know what the one eyed jock fuckpig thinks will power all these pc's when the power goes out in a few years time. Instead of spunking £700 on this crap they should put some money into buidling new power stations. Nuclear and coal. Fuck the green commie punks and their gorebull warming nonsense.

Guerilla Living said...

I'm looking forward to your picture of Mohammed anal raping Allah.

But you won't be doing that will you ?, because a whole swathe of libertarianism consists of folks who never got past the stage of painting their bedroom walls black when they were teenagers, to shock their parents.

I challenge you to photoshop an image which would be as offensive to muslims as that might be to a christian and stick it on your blog.

Let's see if you have the cojones.

Quite frankly I'm getting sick and tired of listening to you middle class wankers talking about stringing politicians up from lamp posts when it's patently obvious you are a bunch of fucking fairies who couldn't punch their way out of a wet paper bag.

Anonymous said...

I read this blog regularly, and laugh out loud at some of it, despite the fact that I am a very conservative and traditional Christian. But I'm with Guerilla Living on this one. Your photo is blasphemous and offensive, and you wouldn't ridicule another religion this way.

Anonymous said...

Cope with it. If you want to believe in an invisible friend despite a total absence of evidence, you're going to be ridiculed.

DocBud said...

A picture of Mo (huge great dollops of donkey poo be upon his miserable, worthless carcass) shagging Allah would be good. You couldn't show him knowing his favourite wife as that would be child pornography.

Free speech means the right to be offensive and offended. The notion of blasphemy is just silly.

If religions were an entirely private affair, there might just be a case for respecting peoples' faiths, but because religious types, especially Muslims and Christians, want to impose policies based on their beliefs on non-believers, there isn't. Since you can't argue against faith, the most effective tool is ridicule.

DocBud said...

"Middle class wankers"

Hey, guerilla, who are you calling middle class?

Anonymous said...

I always knew Gordon would have to come out into the open sooner or later, now you have it folks, tax and spend is the way for Nu Labour, always was for old labour and look where that led.

And, what's wrong with being a middle class wanker? I enjoy wanking! and have done for many years and hope to continue doing so for many more.

Obnoxio The Clown said...

@guerilla living: if I was prone to saying "Mohammed anal raping Allah" as much as I'm prone to saying "Jesus fucking Christ", you might have a point. But since I'm not, you don't.

Unfortunately, you're quite correct about the middle classes. We're going to have to rely on the working class to defend us from statist bribing and the dumbing down of society. Right after EastEnders has finished. Unless there's a housing or cooking program on.

haddock said...

Guerilla Living,
It's a Libertarian thing, you are to be allowed to think only what Libertarians think.....( see DK's wonderful explanation that anyone who isn't a libertarian is a thick stupid cunt.) To have your own views on religion is "unacceptable" in their view so must be ridiculed.
If I believed God was anything like the God that they don't believe in.... I wouldn't believe in Him either, you will just have to forgive their ignorance on this subject much as you have to excuse their ignorance on a host of other matters.
Perhaps Obnoxious and The Devil could work hard to bring an expression like " Fucking pedo prophet" into general use. but perhaps not..... all fucking mouth and trousers.

Guerilla Living said...

So you WON'T be photoshopping Mad Mo any time soon then Obnoxio. Glad we cleared that one up.

I'm not a Christian by the way, although I'll declare an interest by stating I have friends who are.

My problem is with what I call 'Evangelical Atheists' who are insufferable smartarses.

Old Holborn said...

And I find Evangelicals sufferable idiots

If I was any good at photoshop, I'd create an image of Mohammed, with his fist up Jesus's arse

Blasphemy is not a crime. So get over it.

Keatonmask said...

Guerilla Living

Couldn't punch my way out of a paper bag?

You are welcome to find out.

And I am most certainly not middle class.

Guerilla Living said...

Blasphemy is not a crime. So get over it.

Did I say it was, or that it should be ?

Fuck me, so many of you people behave like perpetual teenagers - something I thought was exclusive to the left.

curly15 said...

I'm thinking of throwing away my home built pc and getting a much better one for £700, it's my money anyway!

Better still, I'll apply for three of those netbooks, one for me and one each for the kids.

When will the twats learn to leave the money in my pocket and I will decide how best to spend it!!

Antipholus Papps said...

If your faith is so flimsy that it can be offended or shaken by words and pictures, then I have no respect whatsoever for your faith.

As Napalm Death once sang: 'the only good Christian is a dead Christian'. Which sounds like a standard heavy metal sentiment, until you factor in the metaphysical concept of 'original sin', then it becomes ecumenically profound!

dixon_cox said...

Actually the cock ring is a good spend to be honest.

Anonymous said...

Would you dare to title one Muhammad ibn Fucking Abdullah? (PBFUH)

I'll anon this for reasons of personal safety.

dixon_cox said...

Guerilla Living...said

"I challenge you to photoshop an image which would be as offensive to muslims as that might be to a christian and stick it on your blog.

Let's see if you have the cojones."

Fucking hell! you really are some other type of cunt never before dicovered. "oh! ,let's play, who among us dare upset the muslims" shitting christ has it come to this?

Wanker.

David Gillies said...

If you want you can have my t-shirt image with the bomb turban Mo-toon and the words ISLAM IZ DA BOMB in 72 point Impact Bold.

mister_choos said...

Middle class wanker? How dare you sir! I happen to be a first class wanker.

DK - £700 on a PS3 and a cock ring. At £200 or so for a PS3, that is one hell of a fancy cock ring. Use a tyrap for a budget replacement. It'll give you a cock like a black man's. Well it will turn black when you can't get the bastard thing off (er... apparently).

El Gordo is clearly trying to bribe his client base in case they are thinking of voting for somebody else - the cunt.

leg-iron said...

Mister choos - put the tie-wrap on after it gets hard and use one of those quick-release ones (cough) or so I'm told.

Nice touch on the distraction technique there, lefties. You know who I mean. Forget the message in the post, concentrate on the imagined heresy and bring it all back to the minorities. Ignore Obnoxio's response (which you already knew) and keep plugging the 'you wouldn't dare to that to Mohammed' line.

Nice. Predictable but nice.

The thing is, £700 is about double what anyone needs to buy a dual-core pentium whateveritis laptop in Tesco. It's set up so the parents will use their voucher to buy the biggest computer available, sell it and use the money to buy frivolous things like food and clothing, because despite our leaders' wise words, they'll imagine those things are more important than watching EU-TV.

Then the press will hit the 'Think of the Cheeldren' line once more. Parents nicking their kids' computers.

And then you'll all be incensed because they're cheating the kids of out Government-sponsored toys.

Try something unpredictable for once, please, Gorgon? You've even nicked 'Tufty' Lloyd Weber's free tickets wheeze. Is there no idea too crazy now?

Roger Thornhill said...

Once they provide the internet, they will then say because they "pay for it"* they will then have the right to filter and control what comes down it.

I blogged this some months ago. The EU censorship directives will kick in, I suspect, too.



* no, they take our money without permission, but the term is important for their warped logic

Call me Infidel said...

Guerilla living does have a point re the paedo prophet. It's easy to mock one religion that doesn't fight back. Not so easy when they threaten to cut your head off for "insulting them"

Dick Puddlecote said...

I'm really looking forward to a glut of high-range PCs being offered on eBay for bargain prices.

About time I replaced mine. Bring it on Gordy.

Verity said...

Guerilla Living - I couldn't agree more. I call them fundamentalist atheists or militant atheists, but either way they obsess about the beliefs of other people, for some reason - and get frightfully angry when their little code words, like, "sky fairy" fail to raise even a laugh.

I would not say they're worse, in a dictatorial sense, than militant Islam, but they're level pegging.

Longrider said...

So when was the last atheist suicide bombing, then? Just asking...

The most you are likely to get from even the most extreme fundamentalist atheist is ridicule (yes, I find them insufferable, too). The vast majority of us really couldn't give a damn what you believe so long as you don't attempt to impose those beliefs upon us.

Verity said...

Oh, but, Longrider, militant atheists do try to impose their beliefs on everyone else. They try and they try and they try, growing ever shriekier when others just shrug them off.

This is why I call them fundamentalist atheists. They're exactly the same as Islamic fundamentalists and some sects of fundamentalist Christians. Only the belief system is different. The Nazi mindset is identical.