Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Crash!

Your humble Devil would like to thank the Toyota engineers today. I was bowling along the A3 to work, as usual, when some cunt in a white van pulled right into me; with no opportunity to stop, I clipped his bumber and smashed into the central reservation.

Since I was doing a good 70 mph, it took a little while to bring myself to a stop, but at least I did so without pulling across all the other lanes. As the guy who stopped and offered himself as a witness said, "good recovery!"

My little Toyota Corolla is really quite buckled on the driver's side, and the side-lights are smashed, but it still drives OK. And, fortunately, your humble Devil is unharmed, although thoroughly irritated.

I phoned my insurance company and one of the questions was "do you admit liability?" Admit liability? Do I fuck!

"No," was my actual, and more restrained, reply.

Ah well: it was, as they say, an experience. Oh, and my life did not flash before my eyes; or, if it did, my life is considerably shorter than I thought it was...

UPDATE: to be fair, the white van did stop. The van driver blames it on a big Tesco lorry which came off a slip road and then decided to cross two lanes without really looking. In an effort to save himself, the van driver swung into the fast lane and thus into me. I, however, had nowhere to go but the crash barriers...

46 comments:

Fi said...

Glad to hear you are fine. Still, a rather frightening experience, I would have thought.

Mark Wadsworth said...

Have a cup of tea with lots of sugar.

Guthrum said...

That was a close one, glad to hear the only damage was to the car !

Henry Crun said...

Did the white van stop, or just carry on barrelling down the A3 oblivious of the mayhem he left behind?

Glad to hear you are just shaken and not stirred.

Allan Scullion said...

Glad to hear you're OK. You sound remarkably constrained considering ;-)
Allan

knirirr said...

Good luck with the insurers! They are a bit of a nuisance and rather slow unless the blame is very easy to apportion.

the A&E Charge Nurse said...

So, White Van Man continues to terrorise the highways ?

I had the mispleasure of WVM while beetling around the country lanes of Norfolk last weekend, although none of the incidents were anywhere near as dramatic as hitting the central reservation at 70mph.

I assume endless trucking must eventually desensitise WVMs neural pathways which alert other motorists to signs of impending danger ?

Surely Delgado's experiment in which he stopped a charging bull with electrodes implanted in the brain holds great promise for WVM ?
http://www.biotele.com/Delgado.htm

Very glad to hear it was only the poor Toyota that was damaged - mind you, I rather imagined you would driving an alpha romeo or a masda mx5 perhaps ?

The Black Knight said...

Did the bastard in the white van stop? If not I suggest you get in touch with Plod pronto before they overwrite the cctv data. I would imagine you'd want that cunt prosecuted..
Glad to hear you are still in one piece!

Icedink said...

A lucky escape - but don't collisions make a lovely noise? The crunch of metal and shattering of glass is quite musical.

Seriously, glad you're ok.

The Nameless One said...

Good to hear you are ok.

Back when I lived in Brum I was hit by a white van. Destroyed the front of my car. Drove straight out of a t-junction into me. He did stop - mainly because he had devastated his own vehicle. I was a little enraged and used a few choice words to express my disapproval of his driving.

Be warned - I eventually got the driver to pay for all the damage he did, but it was a long haul and my insurance company gave only the most grudging of support. They constantly wanted to settle and leave me out of pocket.

Martin Meenagh said...

glad to hear you are ok, good luck with the insurance

pagar said...

Drivers should be free to drive in any lane they want providing there is noone already there when they move into it.

It's all so simple really.

Neil Harding said...

DK: Glad to hear you didn't become one of the 12,000 people killed or seriously injured on the roads every year - ah! the price of lovely individualism. In comparison only 48 people were killed traveling by train last year. Still individual liberties require that we take massive extra risk of death in our stride, eh?

Devil's Kitchen said...

"Very glad to hear it was only the poor Toyota that was damaged - mind you, I rather imagined you would driving an alpha romeo or a masda mx5 perhaps ?"

Ha! I wish. It's a little difficult to afford one of those when you're barely earning the median wage, A&E.

DK

Devil's Kitchen said...

"Glad to hear you didn't become one of the 12,000 people killed or seriously injured on the roads every year - ah! the price of lovely individualism."

Quite right, Neil. Although I would point out that the only reason that I now own a car is because of a problem with rail -- there's no train station where I work.

I wonder if there was a station here before the Beeching Axe...

DK

TheFatBigot said...

Johnny Nipponese makes a fine vehicle.

You can't blame Mr White Van Man, he can hardly be expected to keep his eyes open for Tesco lorries when he's busy with his phone in one hand and a Ginster's Gristle Surprise in the other.

Your continued presence among us is a joy to behold.

Unsworth said...

What I want to know is why don't White Van Nutters understand that the choice is 'Brake' or 'Accelerate'. It's not 'Choose which fucking lane to barge into'. Do these prats not have a centre pedal?

Fucking morons.

Still, very glad you got lucky.

BenSix said...

Glad that you escaped unscathed, DK (oh, and hope that the Ballard reference is ironic).

Ben

Stew said...

Happy to hear you are corporeally intact.

it is also very refreshing to see the use of the phrase "to be fair" in the context of establishing fairness and not merely a conversational prefix.

Bill said...

So glad you are phsically unharmed, although I expect you did get a fright and possibly some delayed shock. I had a similar experience (driver falling asleep and swerving across my path) on the Paris circular motorway some years ago when I lived there and like you I had absolutely no place to go to avoid a collision.

Also 'glad', of course, that your 'forthright' way of expressing yourself hasn't been affected ;)

V said...

Its good news you survived your prang. I was also impressed by your posting - very libertarian - no mention of wanting to ban white van man or Tescos or even Toyotas off the road!

Train deaths are not physical , they are worse than that, it is the death of all hope!
I used the train last time I went to London and I will not do it again!
The underground really did feel like being part of a final procession being pushed into un natural shapes to get into a tube. The train from Euston was an hour and a half late - this is the incentive to 'dump the car'?

I would much prefer to die on the road than spend 20 years having my very soul drained from my body on a daily basis through the use of public transport!

JuliaM said...

Good to hear you were unharmed. Modern cars crumple alarmingly, but that dissipates the energy - you might not have come off so well in something older and more solid.

Let's hope the Tesco driver can be traced too...

BenSix said...

Incidentally, I'm amused that you've placed this under travel (and hope that this won't turn into a series).

Ben

Devil's Kitchen said...

"... (and hope that this won't turn into a series)."

You and me both...

Thanks for all your good wishes, folks...

DK

Snowolf said...

Of course if you'd stayed at home knitting your own lunch from stinging nettles by whale oil light instead of driving around in your wagon of CO2 death killing polar bears, it wouldn't have happened.

I have a theory that all road crashes are caused by eco-loons bent on wiping us all out. I believe all white vans are run on surplus cheese.

Longrider said...

Glad to hear that you are okay. This is, I'm afraid, becoming more commonplace. Trucks seem to have this tendency to just move out regardless of whether the lane is occupied. White van man wasn't reading the road ahead properly, he should have moved out before the junction, anticipating traffic joining from the left.

Of course - all of this is much more entertaining when you are on a motorcycle. And, in response to Neil's barbed comment; yes, the risk/benefit does stack up.

Ian_QT said...

Glad to hear you're alright.

Trust @Neil Harding to use something like this to make a political jab.

Leslie said...

@Neil Harding

Are you on crack? Please fuck off and come back only when you're ready to make sense.

Trixy said...

Ah, poor DK. And poor Neil Harding for feeling obliged to make fucking stupid political jibes at every possible opportunity.

The tesco driver sounds like he was taught to drive by the Indian school of motoring: whatever is bigger has right of way.

wonkotsane said...

A friend of mine once crashed into the central reservation of the M54. Where I think he went wrong was attempting to pull into the 3rd lane of a 2 lane motorway.

John Trenchard said...

Glad to see that you are unharmed DK - it could so easily have been a lot worse.


and by strange coincidence I too also own a Toyota Corolla.. albeit one that hasnt kissed a central reservation yet, touch wood.

Liz said...

Shit - glad you're OK. Harding - go back under your rock.

Harry Haddock said...

Glad to hear you were ok. Shame
about Neil Harding, it must be extremely tiresome to be so frightfully dim.

TheFatBigot said...

Now now, chaps, don't be so nasty to Mr Harding. It's not as though he is comparing like with like, or anything relevant and fair like that. Let him be, I'm sure he's a lovely fellow.

Boy on a bike said...

Don't worry about the toyota. You'd feel worse if it was your computer that ended up crushed and mangled. How would you vent your spleen then?

Exile said...

Glad to hear that you are OK.

Off-topic, but have you heard of the new proposals to regulate British blogs that have come out of a parliamentary committee?

I have just blogged about it at The Exile, and I think that all the political blogs need to work together to oppose this wheeze.

monoi said...

Glad you're ok DK.

But how is it possible that a Tesco lorry swerves 2 lanes in front of that van and you did not see it?

I'm a bit puzzled.

silas said...

DK, just like to add my best wishes, hope the shock doesn't hit you later and that the insurance company don't dick you around.

@V I've just started commuting from South London to North London and back every day. I initially tried with the car, but am now doing it by public transport.

While I could - and did - smoke and listen to music as loudly as I wanted in the car, I'm actually enjoying being able to read for the entire 1.5hours instead.

Time difference is fairly minimal, price is - astoundingly - lower by public transport.

What does sadden me though, is knowing that public transport could actually be so much better than it is. Having experienced Japan, Denmark & Germany, the UK's is now little better than LA's used to be.

Rock Hunter said...

Methinks it was Toynbee on a mission DK.....you live to fight another day!

Sacerdote said...

More proof that the Devil looks after His own. Glad to hear that you were unhurt, though.

Henry Crun said...

@ Neil Harding. I travel by train every week in the Netherlands. They are always on time and the cost of a return ticket from Schipol to Hertogenbosch does not require a second mortgage.

When working in the UK, I avoind trains like the plague. It would take a month of Sundays to travel from Stockport to Weybridge (where my head office is located), so I drive. This means I can listen to the music of my choice at the volume of my choice or not. The added bonus is that I don't have to spend the 4 hour journey with some drunken oik careening up and down the gangway behaving in a threatening and antisocial manner, nor do I have to spend the journey listening to some boring-arse prole telling me that only 48 peopl were killed in rail crashes as opposed to 12000 killed or injured on the roads.

Oh, and Neil, do fuck off.

Thersites said...

Good to see you're still around, oh Foul-Mouthed One.

And speaking of swearing, may I also say that Neil Harding is an utter twat?

wonkotsane said...

Why was a Tesco lorry moving into the outside lane of a motorway anyway? HGV's aren't allowed in the outside lane.

Devil's Kitchen said...

"But how is it possible that a Tesco lorry swerves 2 lanes in front of that van and you did not see it?"

Because the van and lorry were to my left and slightly behind me.

"Why was a Tesco lorry moving into the outside lane of a motorway anyway? HGV's aren't allowed in the outside lane."

It wasn't. The A3 is three-lane there: the lorry apparently came off the slip road at an angle, crossing into the middle lane.

DK

Lucas said...

"DK: Glad to hear you didn't become one of the 12,000 people killed or seriously injured on the roads every year - ah! the price of lovely individualism. In comparison only 48 people were killed traveling by train last year. Still individual liberties require that we take massive extra risk of death in our stride, eh?"

@Neil Harding,

Does it not mystify you that, in spite of so many people being maimed or killed on the roads, countless individuals consistently manage to get out unscathed? That is because some people aren't "12,000 people," they are individuals, competent beings who watch out for themselves, take responsibility for their own safety, and enjoy the profound self-esteem that comes from a life lived by choice, and not chance. Life just isn't a crapshoot for such people; that big nasty-looking death-count number doesn't scare them, nor does that smaller one appeal to them, because they intend not to be part of that number in either case.

You are totally missing the point of individualism. And you are doing it on purpose--you certainly don't give a god damn about DK's well-being, or anyone else's for that matter.

M V Smith said...

thank fuck my van's NOT white with all you bigots

In truth too many people CANNOT drive