Monday, April 28, 2008

A strangely attractive nightmare

No, the strangely attractive nightmare referred to is not Jacqui Smith—she is not even perversely attractive—but Strange Stuff's swearblogger-style fantasy of her doom; it is an end so inventive that even the poor little Greek boy might kick himself for not coming up with it.
Slowly Jacqui Smith woke up. It had been a long day before plotting how to use the Civil Contingencies Act, the Regulation and Reform Act or some other piece of legislation that they had said they where never going to use when it was enacted to do away with the need for the impending 2010 elections.
...

She had so many residences now, all bought for her by the taxpayer, that it was hard to keep track but she was sure that this was not the same one that she had gone to sleep in. She was spot lit in the middle of a large auditorium, rank upon rank of the audience stared down at her from the shadows. Her naked body was suspended and spread wide by a set of leather straps. Beneath her squatted a complicated machine built from chromed hydraulic rams supplied by black rubber hoses.

Out of the corner of her eye she sees a middle aged couple approaching. They were wearing his and hers gimp suits and carrying a large object covered in a PVC cloth.

"I guess we should thank you really, we would never have met all of these, our new friends, were it not for the UK Criminal Justice Act 2008. Since this ludicrously broad ranging legislation banned everything but the blandest state approved pornography we decided to gather some friends together for some live action fun." The man explains.

"Unfortunately denied the blessed relief of porn people have become a bit more frustrated and their tastes ... How shall I put this? ... Have become a little more interesting...

What a cliffhanger—what on earth will happen next?

Go and find out...

9 comments:

Jules said...

I'm not sure I want to know what happens next.. but I'm gonna have a look anyway.

Mijoba said...

Oi Petal,

My mate, the fireman, is a close confidante of Jacqui Spliff, through the FBU and her exercise of the Regulatory Reform Bits..amending..whatever. Whereby the Fire & Rescue Service do what they fancy and take precedence over plod.
My mate, the fireman, also dances ceroc with Sharon, who instructed Jacqui in jingle-tap, during Jacqui's tenure of teaching Business Studies to my youngest child.
Small world? innit?
(I had hoped for a result in the "fingerprints on the waterglass" challenge" but the competition runs -on.)

Anonymous Coward said...

Oh my giddy aunt.

Anonymous said...

Hope she's not reading this

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/wales/north_east/7373639.stm

Vlad said...

That's not a nightmare - it's a wet dream.

Semaj Mahgih said...

The imagination is a wonderful thing.

one night in bangkok said...

Going to blog about your mate Paul Delaire BNP Staines going to court?

Ordovicius said...

she is not even perversely attractive

I dunno, if you drink enough litres of beer...say about 6 or 7...

Anonymous said...

I love this
http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/society/masochists-welcome-kinky-porn-crackdown-20080429912/